Sacrifice (Hyunlix)

chapter 22

Hyunjin pov

(Back to present)

"YELLING AT ME  DOESN'T GET YOU ANYWHERE!!! I just asked about what I heard, I have my reasons to be careful with people like you!!!"

"People like me? HYUNJIN. JUST WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?"

I didn't answer anything when felix was screaming at me. I felt... I felt guilty for being careful. Was I in the wrong?? I just don't want to experience the same shit again and again in my life. I thought felix was different, so I opened up to him.... I shared everything with him. But after hearing that conversation with Jake, I'm not sure anymore.

I'm doing what I did every time I found out their true intention with us.  There's no need to be guilty. I'm NOT felix, I'm not the person to play it nice. This good guy acts doesn't suit me. Because of my fucked up trust issues I was an asshole to many people. I didn't care about their background reason for using me, I never gave them a chance to explain themselves. I never allowed them again in my life. Even after doing all that I never felt guilty or bad about it.

I never felt guilty for not understanding other situations. I was a jerk who never gave a second chance to anyone. Minho never even glanced at them again. He treated them like some annoying pests. Yeji was the only one who had a heart to look at them twice, even though she got hurt by trusting her friends that way...she was never like me or Minho. Her own friends made up rumours about her and they comforted yeji when she was depressed because of all the gossip, acting all innocent. All because they were jealous of her, her talent, her money.

Even after knowing their true colours, yeji forgave them. She isn't dumb, she caught those bitches real quick but that girl didn't have the heart to not forgive them.

Maybe if jisung didn't drop out from high school... Minho would've given him a second chance. I wouldn't though. I'll never accept him as my friend again. Minho was hurt because of him, he cared about everything that involved jisung. His happiness was everything for Minho. But he destroyed it. I wished to never cross paths with him again because I don't want Minho to forgive him.

This is who I am. A selfish bastard who only thinks about his own feelings. If Minho and yeji are happy, then I'm happy. Why should I give another chance to anyone who tries to destroy my happiness? Why should I understand their situations, it's their problems why should I give a fuck about it?? Why should I feel guilty if my words were harsh to them? Why should I even think about their feelings? They were the ones who brought this up on themselves. They shouldn't have messed with our trio. I should not feel guilty about talking this way to felix...right??

But felix makes me happy too...he makes me happy in a way that no one has ever done. Not even......not even yeji or Minho. Just his presence is endearing to me.

Felix walked closer towards me, a little closer than he should've. He softly held my hand in his and glanced at me with those doe eyes. I gasped when I felt his tender touch, I was thinking for too much time that I forgot felix was still waiting for my answer.

I know that look very well, it's that- You really don't trust me?-  look. I felt guilty. I felt like I was the one wrong. Those eyes were waiting for me to answer, that hopeful look on his face, everything was clear to me. Those tearful eyes are screaming at me to say those three words ‘I trust you’

I want to tell him, yell at him with everything I've got that I trust him with all my heart. But some damned old habits never change. In my whole life, I never trusted anyone other than yeji and minho. Not even my own parents. How am I supposed to trust other people? After Minho's break-up with jisung, I completely lost my trust in my own judgement. It's better to be alone than get hurt later.