Dog Days

Chapter 33

When we pull up in front of the commune, the two marines that drove me look back at me with a soft smile. The woman who drove asks "Do you need anything, Staff Sergeant?"

I furrow my brow and look out the window "Just need help with my bag."

She hoppes out of the SUV at the same time as the guy. He opens the door for me and I step out just in time for the woman to grab my bag.

As I take it from her, I sigh "I got it from here." She gives a short nod and they hop back in the SUV.

For a long moment, I stare at the entrance with a dull gaze. The natural beauty is lost to me.

After the SUV is gone, I take in a deep breath and start down the driveway.

The driveway is only thirty yards long, and it immediately opens up to the community housing. I don't even get down the driveway as I hear "Oh my god, it's Thor!"

My commune beams with joy as the word of my return buzzes through the air around me. And, as I look over my people, I feel completely alone.

The joy of the green hickory trees physically hurts to look at, and all I can see is the last night I spent with him.

As my mother and sister run through the crowd to see me, I spot Heimdall first.

I don't know what he sees in me, but from the look on his face, he knows I need space. As Hela and mom break through the crowd, Odin rides through on horseback and they all freeze as they stare at me in shock.

Mom speaks up first "You didn't call! We thought you were dead!"

I stand there for a moment, before I feel tears begging to pour from my remaining eye. I take a deep breath, before looking at her tiredly.

My mouth is bone dry and I can't force out a single word as my chest begins to burn.

And after a minute of everyone staring at me, I begin to feel trapped, like a wounded animal. The only person I could think to look at is Heimdall, and all he does is give a tired smile and nod me onto my driveway.

I clear my throat and start up the wooded path to my home.

Before I can even walk past, Hela rushes towards me and asks "What the fuck happened to you? We thought you were dead!"

I pause as she leaps in front of me. Her black dreadlocks practically smack me as she's only six inches from me face.

As she looks me over, I actually see her for the first time in a year, and I imagine how much she would have loved him.

Tears come to my eye and her face softens as she looks me over in concern "What happened to you?"

My lip quivers for a moment, and my throat is still too swollen to form words. I take a moment, before stepping aside and continuing up the path.

"Thor!" Hela calls after me.

Then I hear Odin's voice, calm and stern "Hela!" There's a moment of silence, until Odin states "Let him breathe."

My lungs collapse as I continue to climb the path. As I take in a deep breath, I feel the joylessness of the land around me.

As I walk up the hill, my heart sinks.

I thought coming home would help.

I thought I would feel a little bit of the joy I had, not two weeks ago.

I thought coming home would fix me, but I just see his face. I only see those eyes when I look at the trees, and it just doesn't feel like home, anymore.

It isn't until I round the corner that I set eyes on my house. The four bedroom log cabin sits dark and empty at the end of the driveway.

The green tin roof pings with every pine cone that drops on it.

With a deep breath, I walk up onto the porch and look over the porch swing. Although it sits right in front of me, for some reason, I can't process that it's right there.

The wind rolls through the trees and causes the swing to ruffle with a soft creaking of the chain rubbing up against the supporting beam.

As my brain lets me realize that I'm actually home, never to see war again, something in me aches.

My chest tightens as I look over the engraved birch plaque that reads "The Great Protector"

My body simply cannot contain me anymore. My knees buckle as my lungs release a gasping sob so strong my throat hurts. My body collapses to the ground. I rest my head on the porch as I grasp my chest and try to suppress the burning pain in my heart.

As I sob, again the wood porch, I feel like I've failed him. I feel like it's my fault that he's gone.

I push myself up and grab the plank. I rip it off the wall. As I turn around with the plank in my one good hand, I spot Heimdall, Hela, Mom, and Dad staring at me from the driveway entrance.

I take a deep breath before looking down at the plaque. The sorrow inside me flips into rage and I toss the plank into the grass.

As a fire burns inside of me, I turn towards the house and fling the door open. Without another thought, I lock the door and look around at the place I used to call home.

The front door opens a little to the left of the center of the cabin. To the left of the entrance, the living room lowers down a step. It has a large television on the front wall. A blue khaki and maroon plaid couch sits facing the television with a square dark oak coffee table. On either end of the couch is a small square side table and an armchair with the same pattern as the couch. On the side tables, there's the lamps that I keep on all night. The square shade is a window-frame paper that casts a yellow tent. 

Behind the living room is the dining room. It's a large oval honey stained wood table with six chairs, with windows that cast in lots of light and a set of french doors that lead out to the back porch and backyard.

The kitchen has a peninsula that pushes up against the dining room. It has a stove on the peninsula and a microwave in the upper cabinet. The sink is in front of a window that faces the backyard, and cabinet pantries. The other wall holds the fridge and the washer and dryer next to the door that leads to the master bathroom. They hide below the stairs. The second floor is only a loft with a small den behind the railing.

And my room is just to the right of the front door.

All I see when I look around the dining room is the table with five extra chairs. The stairs that will never be cluttered with shoes. The three bedrooms upstairs that will never be inhabited. And then, the saddest part of all, the den, that will never be played in by screaming kids with way too many toys for their own good.

All I see is the life that I will never have.

I take a deep breath and turn towards my room.

As I step in, I find my bed is stripped of linen. Two bare pillows sit on the couch that sits on the front wall. My bed is pushed into the middle of the side wall, with a night stand on either side, both hold a lamp with the same yellow shade. A small stand-alone closet is on the wall opposite the couch, next to the master bathroom. It's small, with just a clawfoot bathtub and shower, a toilet, and a two sink vanity.

And behind the master bathroom is a small windowed hallway that leads to my study.

I simply sit my duffel down on the floor in front of my dark oak bed frame and step over to my side table to retrieve my cell phone, wallet, and car keys.

Tiredly, I turn around and start towards the door. As I step out of my house, I step down the stairs as Hela walks up my driveway. Odin calls after her "Hela!"

"Thor!" She calls as I walk in the opposite direction, towards my black Jeep Wrangler.

I quickly hop in and lock the doors, only Hela knocks on my window "Damn it, Thor! Talk to me!"

As I turn the key in the ignition, she pulls on the handle and screams "You're half-blind and beaten to hell! Open the fucking door! You can't drive like this!"

Heimdall pulls Hela back as I pull out. Everyone in the commune watches as I haul ass away from the property.