Dog Days

Chapter 94

After about an hour of him holding me in our bed, he asks "What caused it?"

I take a deep breath as I debate whether or not to tell him. Finally, I just sigh "I just imagined what you did in that basement to survive, and then I remembered that videos, and I felt so wrong and filthy for even thinking about it that I started to get stuck in it."

He rubs my chest, softly, only he asks "Is that what you see when you look at me?"

I take a deep breath and declare "No. I see a sexy man with a beautiful smile. I just wasn't ready, even if I wanted it."

He moves the hair out of my face and declares "I really liked it."

I sigh "I did too, until my brain decided to sprinkle in some PTSD."

He rests his chin on my chest and sighs "I'm sorry, darling." He rubs my stomach and sighs "Do you want to eat something?"

I give him a tired smile, before declaring "Now that it's cold?"

He sits up and shrugs "I kinda prefer Indian food at room temp. I think it's a pothead thing."

I scoff and sit up "Do you eat it with your hands?"

He gives me a short nod, before remarking "I might have to shower, afterwards."

~

After his shower, he steps out in a zip up jacket and a pair of baggy sweats. He hobbles to his side of the bed and sits his crutches aside. When he crawls in bed, he lays on me and I chuckle "Trying to get comfy?"

He squeezes my side and smiles "I'm already there."

I scoff and move the hair out of his face. He beams a smile at me so bright, I wonder how he could be so happy. I take a moment, only to declare "I have to take my meds. Give me a minute."

He sits up as I do the same. I stand up and walk towards the bathroom with a groan "Time to sleep like a fucking corpse."

As I step into the bathroom, he asks "When do you pick up your prescriptions?"

"Tomorrow." I call out. I stand in front of the mirror, messing with the bottles to try to get my meds. As I sit down the bottles, I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see the me I like, anymore.

In the dim lighting, I see the scared shitless soldier boy. My eyes trace the scar on my shoulder and I feel the pain creeping through my body, again. I feel like I'm back in the sand, again, and I remember the sounds of gunfire.

I look down at the pills in my hand, and I feel my skin burning in the familiar heat. I feel like I'm sinking in quicksand, and my lungs begin to burn as I hear the screams of agony in my head.

Loki calls out "Thor, darling, will you bring me a hairband?"

I sit there for a moment, trying to process what he said. I even have to look around the room for a moment to remember where I am, and I sigh "Yeah, I'll be right there."

I shove my head under the faucet to get a gulp of water, before downing my pills. After I grab his hairband, I walk out and hand it over. He smiles and pulls his hair back in a knot, only to ask "Are you alright?"

I give him a soft smile and state "Watching you being hurt was probably the most painful thing I've ever experienced." I scoff at myself and declare "I got blown up, and I still don't see that as anywhere near as bad as watching you being beaten, raped, and shot on TV."

He gives me a sad smile, before declaring "I'm alright, darling. It's okay. I'm doing alright, considering."

I press my lips into a fine line as tears come to my eye. I shake my head and declare "I'm not okay."

He gives me a gentle smile, only to declare "I'm sorry, Thor. I guess I never considered that it would mess you up, like this."

I stand there, at the foot of the bed, with tears streaming down my face. I take a desperate breath in, before declaring "When I thought you were dead, I laid on the ground of my bedroom and thought about suicide. I was too depressed to even sit up on my own, but I wanted to die. I wanted to stop existing, because I thought I lost the only person in this world that I have ever loved as deeply as I love you."

He looks me over as if he could break me with the wrong words. He takes a moment to ask "Do you still want to die?"

I take a deep breath as I try to think of what to say. I sigh, only to declare "I want to go home. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I am miserable."

He gives me a short nod, before he asks "Do you think the updated antidepressants will help you?"

I shrug, before declaring "Won't know until I'm done sleeping it off. Might take me awhile to even out."

He gives me a short nod, before he holds out his hand to me and orders "Come here, Thor. Let's go to bed."

I take a deep breath, before he pulls back my side of the covers and pats it "Come lay down."

As I take a seat on the edge of the bed, he wraps his arms around my waist and whispers in my ear "We'll be home, real soon, darling. If you need to go back, before me, we can work something out."

I sigh as I lean back into him "I'm not leaving you alone, here."

He rubs my chest as he sighs "I'm a big boy, Thor. I can take care of myself."

I furrow my brow and declare "That house is far too empty for me to go back to, alone."

He whispers in my ear "So you're stuck here, waiting on me?"

I sigh, before looking back at him and declaring "I'm exactly where Im supposed to be. My head is just a little fucked up."

He scoffs, before he remarks "I'm fucked up, too. I just don't show it. I've got to much to lose by losing my grip."

I look back at him and he furrows his brow "I can fall apart when Ive got the freedom to fall apart. I will tell you everything Ive been dying to tell you. You might hate me, after."

I shake my head and declare "I could never hate you."

As I lay back in bed, he moves to lay on my chest and asks "How do you know that?"

I sigh as I look over his soft face and smile "You belong next to me. Nothing you could ever do or say would ever make me push you away."

He smiles at me and looks down as he blushes. I scoff, before resting his head on my chest and gripping me to him.