Dog Days

Chapter 41

After a while of sitting with dad, I eat a large bowl of lasagna soup with a whole loaf of garlic bread. For some reason I have another bowl of cherries. Dad had to open the one coke that was on the tray. I sigh "Hela needs to give me more fluids. One soda for a whole ass loaf of bread."

He scoffs "You need more water."

I take in a deep drag, before I sigh "I could just use the bathroom faucet to get more water."

As I pass the bong back over to him and he asks "Want another soda?"

I take in a deep breath and declare "I'm good."

He nods, before he asks "Those pain meds working yet?"

I sit there for a moment, watching a violent man verses man sized chicken fight as I begin to zone the fuck out. The bright colors from the screen cause the world to soften and I state "I hate being high on opioids."

He scoffs, before he rips a hit. As he exhales, he states "That's a good thing to hate. You've got three months worth of pain meds, and we don't need you becoming dependent on them."

I take in a deep breath, before I sigh "When do I get my house back?"

He sighs "That depends." I furrow my brow at him and he states "Regardless of who you thought you were talking to, you said what you said."

I sigh and he states "I've been knocked down. I've been broken. I've even thought of quitting." He gives me a sad smile "So, are you saying that you just need some time to be broken? Do you need to lay in that bed and be sad about it for a while longer, or are you saying you want to quit fighting? Are you saying you want to throw in the towel and just walk away from yourself?"

I sit there for a moment, trying to figure out for myself what I want to do moving forward. And as I sit there, I realize "I don't know where to go from here."

He furrows his brow and reminds "You still have the farm, Thor."

I nod, before declaring "I don't want to die, but I don't know if I want to live if they find him dead."

He gives a short nod "And if they don't find him?"

I set my jaw and look at him tiredly "I know I'm not even thirty yet, but I don't think I can find happiness with someone else the way I was happy with him."

He gives me a tired smile "You're grieving." I furrow my brow and he gives me a reassuring look "You think you can't get past it. You think the pain will eat you alive, but the terrifying part about it is the fact that time keeps going, and wounds heal, and then you realize that everything is changing, and you're forced to change with it."

I sit there for a long moment, before asking "You think I should move on?"

He sighs "Grieve as long as you need to, but don't let yourself give up on your own happiness." I look at him tiredly and he smiles "You are so loved, Thor. We can't lose you."

I let my focus pool back to the cartoon and we slip into a comfortable silence. He clears his throat after a few minutes and sighs "I got to ask. I didn't even know you like men. Are you-?"

He leads off and I remind "I slept with Venus and convinced her to stay at the commune."

He shrugs "Just because she has a penis doesn't mean you're gay."

I smirk at him in pure amusement for the first time since I've been back "Okay, dad, well, I'm attracted to everyone. I'm a hippie."

He smiles at me, proudly "That you are, son." I smile at him and he states "I have another question."

I hum and he stops to think of the words to say. He's silent for a moment before he just sighs "What was the situation-" he sits there awkwardly "Did you- or he-"

I catch on and sigh "Dad?" He looks up to me and I motion towards the bong. He hands it over and I sit it in my lap. As I take a long rip, I can see the awkwardness on his face. When I exhale, I state "50/50."

He hums and I rest my head back on the couch. I remember the little things he found hot. I smile as I state "I'm going to get fat."

He gives me an amused look and I shrug "I want to get fat, and I'm going to grow out my hair again."

He furrows his brow "Beard and all?"

I hum, before stating "Probably not the beard."

He hums and I declare "I'm going to let it grow out a bit, but I'm going to eventually trim it down."

He smirks at me "The way Hela has been making food, I doubt you'll need much help."

I give a tired smile, before asking "Is she alright?"

He scoffs, before declaring "She's fine. She's pissed off, but she's fine."

I hum and look back towards the laptop and we sink into a deep silence. For the first time since I've been home, I feel like I'm not the only broken person here. And after a few minutes, he sighs "Why do you want to get fat?"

I give him a smile and he furrows his brow "Is it a sex thing?"

I take in a deep breath, before I explain "I've been told that I'm just slightly too muscular."

He furrows his brow and remarks "I thought that was like the ideal body type?"

I think of a good way to phrase it, but I eventually just state "It can be slightly uncomfortable when I'm trying to have sex."

He gives me a genuinely confused look "What do you mean?"

I sigh and try to explain "My body is very hard, because my muscles are so large, it can hurt the person I'm trying to be assertive to."

He furrows his brow and still doesn't seem to understand "You get complaints about being too muscular?"

I sigh "More just my stomach. I've been told that my abs are attractive, but I could benefit from putting on weight."

He sits there for a moment "How would that help?"

I just sigh and cover my face in the embarrassment "Apparently my dick is too long, and a stomach would allow more cushioning for more comfort, because apparently a foot long dick is an impossible challenge for most people, and to take it all and then hit rock hard muscle, it hurts the tailbone."

He sits there in silence for a long period of awkwardness "You have a twelve inch penis?"

I give him an annoyed look "When I've got a boner, yeah. Try going through an eight year military contract while fighting off a visible snake in your pocket."

He gives me an amused look and he chuckles at me as he lights up "No wonder you got with a guy."

I scoff, before declaring "Can't even stick half of it in a woman before it starts hurting her. At least with a guy I can almost get there, but after that first few inches it's just not necessary. A bit of cushioning would be like a common courtesy."

He furrows his brow and asks "How many people did you have sex with, over there?"

I furrow my brow and state "Three, but two were a stupid mistake."

He hums, before he states "Something tells me that I don't want to know more."

I grab the bowl of cherries and chew on one of the last ones as I state "You probably don't want to know."