Dog Days

Chapter 40

The next thing I know, Hela sits on the edge of my bed and asks "Thor?"

When I open my eyes, I find she looks concerned. I give her a meek smile "Hela?"

She takes in a shakey breath and smiles "Good."

I furrow my brow through the opioid high and sigh "What, did you think I died or something?"

She shakes her head and looks me over, tiredly "No."

I close my eyes and ask "What's wrong?"

She opens her mouth to speak, and after a few moments, she just states "I need you to get better."

I give her a confused look, before I ask "What do you mean?"

I see her lip quiver, before she smiles "I'm really glad you made it home, Thor." She wipes her face and I realize that she's been crying "You're my best friend."

She looks at me like I'm a porcelain doll, and sigh "Why are you looking at me like that?"

She looks me over in concern, before declaring "I came back in here when the bread dough was rising."

I furrow my brow at her in utter confusion "So you were just watching me sleep?"

She looks me over and asks "You thought you were dreaming?"

I set my jaw and through the haze, I see a screen split. Like a brief break in reality. I see him in the same position she sits. And when I blink, I see Hela, again.

As I realize that it wasn't, in fact, me dreaming of him, I try to remember what I said in my haze. I look at her in complete helplessness as I ask "Why did you play along?"

Her eyes well up with tears as she tells me "I was confused at first, but when you called me Loki, I thought that you just wanted to remember him, and I didn't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me?" I ask, as my heart pounds "I confided in him!" Anger pounds through me and I hiss "I confided in him, and you made it about yourself! You made it about the good of the community!"

She takes in a deep breath "You were talking about suicide!"

I scream at her so loudly that it physically hurts in every fiber of my being "Get the fuck out of my house!"

She shakes her head at me and declares "I'm not going anywhere, Thor!"

I take in a deep breath to stop myself from injuring myself any further. After a long moment of the anger building inside of me, I use my good arm to fling the covers off and she asks "What the fuck are you doing?"

I look at her and state "You have no clue how painful it is for me to keep living. I'm more fucked up then you could possibly know."

She's about to say something, but I cut her off "I had so little joy left, before I met him. I felt like this place was my safe place."

She furrows her brow and I state "I feel in love with him and imagined a life with him over the broken parts of us that we mended together, and when I lost him, he took with him the last of the joy I had in me."

Tears come to my eyes and I declare "I will never forgive myself if they find him dead!" She covers her mouth as she sobs and I hiss "And you made me think it was him that I was talking to!"

She cries out "I'm sorry, Thor!"

I shake my head at her and walk to the foot of the bed to grab hold of her dreads with my one good arm.

As I pull her off my bed, I declare "I want you out!" As I pull her hair, she drops to the ground and fights me.

She screams "Stop, Thor! You're going to hurt yourself!"