Dog Days

Chapter 70

I stare at the television in shock for a moment, before looking down at the pot of vomit next to me.

As I try to process the events of the video, I stand up and grab the pot. I walk into the kitchen in a numb haze as Heimdall asks "Thor?"

I don't respond. I just pour the vomit down the drain and wash out the pan. He sighs "Thor?"

I still can't seem to process he's talking to me, as I begin scrubbing the pan. After a few minutes of him watching me clean the pan, he sighs "Thor, it's clean! Stop it!"

I just stare out the back window as I scrub the sudsy steel wool over the aluminum pan. Finally, he steps forward and takes it from me, insisting "You're going to hurt yourself, Thor! Stop!"

I don't even look at him as he rinses the suds off and puts it on the drying rack. After a few seconds, I turn to my bathroom and take my antidepressants, anti anxiety meds, and my sleeping pills.

As he walks in after me, I sigh "I'm going to go to bed, and I need you to leave."

He shakes his head and declares "I'm not leaving you alone, tonight."

I take a shaken breath and insist "You can take my meds, as long as you leave me two diazepam. I'll need two until morning time. You can take all the knives and check on me whenever you want, but I need to be alone."

Heimdall takes in a deep breath, before declaring "I'll sleep upstairs, or on the porch, but it's thirty degrees outside."

I give him a exhausted plead "Please, Heimdall!"

As I begin to sob, he shakes his head and remarks "I'm not going anywhere. Do you want me upstairs or on the couch?"

I wipe my face and declare "I'm going to bed. I don't want to ever talk about this, again."

I start to walk into my room, only he stops me "I'll sleep on the couch in the den. Use your heating blanket, tonight. It's going to get cold."

I give a short nod to hide the sob in my throat, before I close the door behind me.

As I walk over to my side, I strip from my clothes as if I was stripping away the weight of the agony in my chest.

I nuzzle up into my blankets, turn on the electric heating blanket, and bury my face into my pillow as I begin to weep for him.

All I want is to hold him in my arms, again. All I want is to breathe in his smell and feel his body heat again.

My phone buzzes on the nightstand and I reach out for it to find its Natasha. As I answer, I force down a sob and ask "Hello?"

She speaks, softly "We were able to follow the trace of Panama. We're doing heat radar to try to find them, but we haven't found anything, yet. We're hoping that tomorrow's video will narrow it down, more."

I force down my pain as I sigh "Thank you, Natasha." Tears roll down my face and I speak in a muddy voice "I'm hoping my meds knock me out soon, because I can't breathe."

She speaks in a soft voice "I know, Thor. Try to take a deep breath. He mentioned you for a reason."

My lip trembles and I state "He wanted to tell me that he can handle it, but I don't know how much longer he can." My voice cracks and I force myself to breathe through my crying.

She shushes me, softly, before declaring "You can handle this. He said so, himself. We have to trust him, Thor."

I nod to myself, before declaring "I have to go. Let me know if you find anything."

I hang up, immediately, before sliding my phone onto my nightstand and gripping onto my pillow.

After an hour of silent crying, I finally fall asleep.