4 Leaf Clover - ᴹˣᴹˣᴹˣᴹ

16.

࿐࿐࿐  

Clover didn't have a shift at work today - it felt like it had been forever since his previous proper day off and he was thankful for the time off but he wished more than anything to get away from them. So, Clover lied about having to work today which resulted in Elio dropping him off outside of the shop. Clover was nearly tempted to step inside and request if he could work for a few hours but rather decided to roam elsewhere.

He wandered to his old street - despite it being barren, he could visualise the exact place he had established his tent, the exact angle where the zip was and where that gentleman had unlocked it. Clover could feel it in his bones, the chill he had got that evening, the fright of a stranger opening his safety net. He had got so used to lingering in Elio's house for the past few days that the thought of coming back out onto the streets sent a coldness through Clover's body.

Yet, when he thought of Yuki, the irritation that was constantly occurring when he was around him, he thought the streets were worth it. 2 months, bordering on a 3rd month Clover had spent out here and he only had that one fucked up thing occur to him. A week he spent in Elio's house and he was attacked and harassed by Yuki a few times. Clover really attempted to justify the streets, but he understood deep down he would rather confront Yuki's fury than the danger of outsiders.

As he strode down his street, he couldn't help but get a little aggravated at Elio. The Italian police officer had been so welcoming to him, so thoughtful to offer him more than he deserved. Elio had shown him comfortableness for the first time in 2 months and had given him sanitary clothes and an opportunity to recuperate from what happened to him in his own house. Clover had caused him all sorts of troubles, at work and with his lovers, and yet, Elio didn't give up on him. Elio fought for him.

Elio had given him hope, something that would just tie him down someday.

He was fleeing, tomorrow, today, it didn't matter but the reality was that Clover couldn't remain with them. He had taken too much from them, taken their compassion in abundance only to hurt them. Clover's thoughts inhabited his mind as he wandered around - he would have to wander around another 5 hours before his 'shift' concluded. He peeked through shop windows, eyeing up the things he could never purchase, things he would never have any use for on the streets.

Clover stopped for a second, an idea came to his mind that might relieve the guilty conscience he had. He had money saved up, a lot of it from working. He could spare his money to say his goodbyes to the three of them. He strolled into a bookshop and spent an hour skimming for the perfect cookbook for Elio. Clover eventually picked out a book titled - 'The Secret Recipes of Italian Mothers'. Alongside the book, he picked up a keychain which said 'I love Cooking!'.

The final price for Elio's presents came to £17.82. A staggering amount from Clover's funds but as he sat down on a bench and skimmed through the book, he encountered himself not caring how much he had spent. He moved on to think about a present for Finley - the overly-excited man about a lot of things. Clover thought back to the first time he had assisted in gardening with Finley, there was a particular sort of flower Finley had desired to cultivate in his garden.

A bluebell, Clover remembered.

He strolled for an hour around the metropolis, darting into stores that might sell seeds. He was getting more frustrated with each shop he walked out of empty-handed. Yet, finally, he halted outside of a florist. The shop was a charming pink, pots of flowers posing in the windows and Clover detected behind the woman at the till, there were rows and rows of various seeds. He walked in and strolled up to the woman.

"Hello there, how can I help you today?" She said, her voice vibrant and sickly sweet.

"Do you sell bluebell seeds?" Clover asked her and she turned around to look over the many packets.

"Ah, now do you want the English bluebell or the Californian bluebell?" The lady asked as she showed Clover the two packets.

Clover didn't know the difference and didn't know which one Finley desired so he requested for both. The lady smiled and placed both of the packets into a small paper bag, and totalled up the price. Another £6 had disappeared from his savings but likewise, the sense of accomplishment was there in his core. He could feel his shoulders lighten from the regret as he carried around his goodbye presents.

Clover had no idea what to get Yuki - he was the one Clover understood the least and he didn't want to humiliate him with any unthoughtful gifts. He sat in the city centre, enclosed by shops, surrounded by absentminded people. Clover found it unsettling that no one in the populace was looking for him because he had been lost for nearly 3 months, or the fact that no one knew he was basically homeless.

He kept thinking, presents for a grown man like Yuki. Impossible, what could a man like him need or want?

An apology, Clover's mind expressed to him.

Clover strolled into a shop which sold pens, pencils, canvases and paints. He gathered up a small A4 notebook and decided to pick up a cool-looking dragon glass pen. Another £12 came out of his funds but as he sat in a chair in a diner, he began composing his apology letter to all three of them, mostly to Yuki. It ended up being over a page long but he sincerely hoped he had written out his sentiments well.

Clover used a payphone to call Elio saying he completed work early and was going to get the bus home, it was a lie, just a white lie. Clover spent the next two hours trekking back to Elio's home, recollecting the route from the way Finley would drive home. The white house came into sight and Clover went to the porch to see if anyone was home. He walked past the lonely black car in the driveway, hoping that either Finley or Yuki weren't present through the glass of the windows.

His hand connected with the freezing door handle and twisted it gradually, hoping for it to be open and for the sound to not reverberate inside. It was open, and Clover tiptoed inside, feeling unwelcome and like a burglar. If someone was inside, they weren't downstairs so Clover carefully pushed his way upstairs to his room and started packing his bag. The same backpack he had brought all the way from home this entire time.

Clover unloaded what was inside - old, torn clothes and a book. If he had other things inside, they were misplaced or thrown out. Clover apologised in his letter for taking some of Finley's clothes but he required them so he balled them up and pushed them in his bag. He took an additional pair of shoes and shoved them in, making the material of the shoes fold in graceless places. Clover took a glance around the room, the book.

The perks of being a wallflower found itself buried between clothes and shoes. Clover sighed, his eyes began watering as he glimpsed at his full bag and the room that somehow seemed more vacant. He was so unhappy to be leaving this place behind, the room that had carried his head on cloud-like pillows, the room that supplied him with generous showers and the room where he had been read to. The house that had introduced him to his first friends, introduced him to foods he had never tested and gardening.

Even the house where he cried, the house he was anxious in. The house where he had been screamed at and for the first time heard the condemned word that had intimidated him. The house where he truly admitted he was gay.

Clover brushed his eyes and cleaned up after himself peacefully. He made his bed and straightened out the bedding. He gathered up Elio's presents and placed them on the far end of the bed - the keychain lay on the book carefully. He positioned Finley's two packets of bluebell seeds in the middle of the bed and then placed Yuki's at the end of the bed by the pillows. He opened the notebook at the page of his apology.

Clover left his room as calmly as he entered, spotting Yuki's back to him as he sneaked towards the kitchen. Clover panicked and bent down to rest on his knees and slowly crawled to the front door. He had made it successfully and opened the door to leave. He pushed his way up the driveway and sighed at the lengthy journey back towards the city.