Where We Belong

Chapter 39

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Evan's POV—

With my heart straining, threatening to crumble and break, I hold onto Ashley. Tightly. As if she were to disappear if I were to let her go.

"You're wrong, Ash...I do want you because of you. Not Jaxon," I tell her, gently rubbing her lower back as she continues to cry in my arms. Everything she voiced out clearly being too much to get through without breaking down.

And seeing her like this only threatens to undo me. Everything she said is threatening to make me break down just as much. The validity in all of it having made my stomach drop and made a vice-like hold to grip onto my heart.

Squeezing it dangerously tight.

"The entire time I was gone, you were all I could really think about. You just about invaded my dreams every single night. They always felt so real, regardless if they were good dreams or bad ones—and believe me. There were some bad ones. Ones where you did nothing but disown me, shoving all my mistakes in my face.

"But the good ones? God they always felt so real. It was like I was actually with you. That I never left to begin with and we were just as in love as always.

"But then I would wake up and I would be hit with the reality of things. That we weren't together because I had to go and be a dick," I say as I let out a sigh. "But I never once stopped wanting you, loving you. Even when I came back to Michigan after I got out of rehab, I knew I still loved you. I just thought that staying away would still be better for everyone in the end.

"And I guess when I think about it, maybe in some sense, we are in each other's lives again because of Jaxon," I admit, even though I hate that it's something that I have to admit in the first place. "You're right. I found out he was mine and that put us back in each other's lives. If he wasn't mine, I probably would have continued to try to stay away, regardless of me still being in love with you.

"But you're also wrong," I say with as much determination as I can and I pull away from her enough to look at her. Seeing her eyes starting to get red, the tears still falling, but not as much as a couple minutes ago. "I am putting an effort with you because of you, Ashley Daniels. Not because of Jaxon.

"Jaxon may be our son, but that doesn't mean that I have to put an effort with you. It's like what you said. I could have gone 'to hell with it' and taken you to court, demanding joint custody.

"But I didn't. More than anything, I wanted to work things out with you. Partially because of Jaxon, yes, but also because I genuinely wanted a relationship with you.

"I love you, Ashley—I'm in love with you, just like I've always been and will always be," I declare to her, making sure she hears the declaration in my tone. "I'm here trying to get you back because of you.

"I want you so much it hurts Ashley. I want to be close to you again. I want to be the first person you come to again when you get good news, or bad news. I want to be the first person you see when you wake up every morning, and be the last person you see when you go to bed. I want to be the person you're completely yourself with again. I want to be the person you rely on again. I want to be the person who gets to hold you, hold your hand—just give you all the love and affection you deserve.

"I want all of that and more. So much more with you. All because of you. And if you ask me, I truly believe that if it wasn't Jaxon, we still would have eventually found our way back to each other. One way or another, we would have found each other again."