Clear Blindness

Chapter 19

After a very long conversation with the pack and friends and family I retired to an empty house. The house no longer seemed warm and inviting, it had the opposite effect, cold and dark is more likely to describe it.

I had no other choice but to leave to the pack house. I was not going to stay in a house with no one to live in it.

Upon the morning I visited Dr. Munroe. I actually tried to give the ultrasound another chance, but, it didn't work. No surprise there. Dr. Munroe was surprised when I told him I was almost two months. In two weeks I was most likely due to deliver. Yet if the baby decided to come early, I would have him in a week. I had blanched at the little amount of time I had.

I mean, I've heard and helped deliver multiple babies. But to actually go through birth. . . .

Not something that seems to be a pleasant thing to go through alone.

'You won't be alone,' the innocent voice said softly.

'Vincent will be there,' the dark voice said.

I sigh. I could never have my thoughts to myself. It sucks.

Grumbling under my breath about voices inside my head, I head into the pack house. I don't pay attention to my surroundings so it wasn't a surprise that I walked straight into a wall. A soft yet strong wall that sent thousands of tingles all over my body.

Arms immediately circled around my waist to hold me from toppling over. With a hammering heart I look up into Vincent's face. His eyes were red today. Ah, shit. Red eyes meant he's hungry. Really, really hungry.

I see him gulp as he hears my heart beat pick up, the thought of my blood on his tongue almost breaking his restraint.

He clears his throat before asking politely, "Can we go somewhere we can talk privately?"

I nod and lead him down the hallway to my office. Ignoring my manners I plunk down on the big soft rolling chair. He sits down.

He opened his mouth a couple times but every time I thought he'd say something he just closed it. Finally he said, "Ellie, yesterday. . .last night. . .what I'm trying to say is that I didn't want you to take my silence for something bad. Please, forgive me," he begged, pleading with his eyes.

I raise my eyebrow, resting a hand on my moving stomach.

"And what did your silence mean? You clearly weren't exactly happy." I don't acknowledge his plea. It's too hard to talk of forgiveness when I haven't forgiven myself.

Thankfully an elderly woman knocked on the door and I quickly said to come in. She walked over to me, bowed in respect, and left a plate of food before leaving.

Considering I'm feeding two people, I dug in. I nod at Vincent to continue.

"I am happy you're pregnant. . . ."

I stop him with a raised hand. My jaw clenched and uncleached. "Bullshit. Total bullshit."

"It's not bullshit, because if I didn't care then I wouldn't be asking, begging, for forgiveness."

"Really, last night it looked like you wanted nothing to do with either of us, so why ask for forgiveness," I growl, shoving away the food and glaring.

"No, I did. I just wasn't myself. The old me took over and I had no way of gaining back control. It wasn't until earlier today is when I finally won," he said softly, bending to cover his face in his hands. He sounded so broken. As if it was his fault.

I knew his old self felt nothing. He was a bad person. Besides, I said it myself last night, he wasn't my mate. He wasn't my Vincent.

I understood what it felt like to be up against the person you were and the person you are. Even though I've become stronger every obstacle I have to face makes me want to give up and let fear rule me. Sometimes, though hardly, I let it. The end results are a mess. But I fight and keep fighting until it's nothing.