The Anti-Social Social Club [Stardew Valley Sebastian x Female Player (OFC)]

Chapter Eighteen

It was like the valley had changed completely overnight. The temperatures cooled, the leaves began to change color and fall to the ground, and the grass began to fade to a yellowish shade. My Friday nights for the recent past and foreseeable future consisted of regular visits to the saloon where I spent time with my newly formed friend group, but also observed Pam and Shane consistently feeding their bad habits.

One Friday night after leaving the saloon, I'd taken a detour on my way home and walked down to the beach. I'd always found the beach to be a calming place for me to work through some of my thoughts and after repeatedly seeing Shane and Pam act like my father, I'd had a lot of troubling memories resurfacing.

The waves roared as they hit the shore and the light summer breeze blew through my loose hair, swirling it around my face. I looked up at the night sky; the stars speckled against the midnight black blanket above my head. The moon off in the distance was a crescent, glowing brightly in contrast to its dark background.

I lowered myself down onto the sand, sitting cross legged and resting my palms behind me into the soft terrain. I kept my gaze up at the sky, trying to remember all the constellations grandpa had shown me when I was a kid. I managed to find the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper, but those were the only two I seemed to remember.

I sat up straight, resting my hands in my lap as I stared out into the dark abyss of ocean and night sky in front of me. The night was so thick that I could just barely see the seafoam at the edge of the shore frothing with each wave that broke against the sand. The darkness in front of me reminded me so much of what I saw inside my own mind. I had tried so hard to stay strong the whole time I'd been here in Pelican Town, but I was starting to feel like I was about to break. The memories of my father and the secrets I held inside myself were starting to weigh so heavy on my heart that it felt like it would collapse at any moment. I hadn't told anyone about what happened when I left here for good and I still felt like I couldn't. If I spoke the words of what happened out loud, the memories wouldn't just feel like imagination inside my mind any longer; they would become real.

I dropped my head into my hands and cried. I sat there on the beach, all alone, and cried. I wasn't as hard headed as I always presented myself to be. I wasn't that timid, rule abiding, perfect little girl that I had once been when I was last here. I mourned for grandpa; I mourned for the childhood that I could have had; I mourned for the girl I used to be. That little girl didn't exist anymore and despite me living here for months now, I still felt like a stranger in my own home; an imposter living in place of who I used to be.

I wondered what would have happened if I had never been forced to leave. Would I be a different person? Would I be happier than I was now? Would my broken family be whole? Would I have been saved from the hurt and the trauma and the lies and the secrets that I was forced to keep deep inside myself?

I took a deep breath in. The humid air made my lungs feel hazy and I wiped the tears away from my cheeks. I checked my watch: 11:40 pm. I should be heading home. I stood up, taking one last look at the black waves hitting the shore before turning and heading back towards town. I didn't want to risk seeing Abigail or Sam or Sebastian leaving the saloon and have them wondering why I wasn't already at home like I had told them. I decided to take the long way through Cindersap Forest, to hopefully avoid seeing anyone I knew. I held my breath as I passed by Sam's house as if that would keep me from being seen or heard by its inhabitants. I quickly peeked at his bedroom window as I passed by only to see that the light was out. Either he was already home and fast asleep, or he still hadn't made his way home yet. Regardless of where he was, I didn't want to know, and kept my feet moving quickly until I was safely on the other side of the path in the forest where no one could see me. Or, at least, I thought no one could see me.