24 year old Kendia Brown's life has always been great, even through the miniature of bad times she's stumbled upon, still and hardly ever she complains. Who would when life's mostly great?
Being a mother of a 7 year old Liam Davis Jr. Kendia has he...
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Stammering upon my words, I said to him, "I-I don't know what to say right now. Next week! Whoa! That's a little too quick, don't you think? On top of that, I don't have a dress to wear nor a venue, and what about my family. What about your family? What would they think?"
He answered, "You know that I have people in place for these things, and I already told my family and yours that I wanted to marry you. There's nothing you need to worry about. So are you making up excuses about why we should postpone or are we going to do this?"
I took to myself a long, much needed thought processing time while looking down at our hands that seem to fit so perfectly together, but that's beside the point. Let me get back to it. What I wanted to say was that there's this strong feeling tugging at my heart telling me not to do this but still my answer to him was, "Give me less than two weeks to think about it and I'll give you an answer. I'll keep the ring until then because it's beautiful and I love it just as much as I love you," I said in hopes to soften the blow. I believe two weeks is more than enough time for me to know if marrying Andrew is really what I want.
If it was what I wanted, shouldn't I already know?
Could I be stalling?
What if I was stalling? What is my reasoning for stalling?
He pulled me into his arms with much excitement, holding me tighter than ever and telling me, "thank you, thank you, baby. I love you so much. Although it wasn't a yes, I'm just glad that it's not a no and I can live with that."
After putting the kids into their cribs after they had gotten up again, Andrew came back into the living room, and unexpectedly he picked me up off of the floor and into his big strong arms telling more about how much he loved and adored me between each kiss round my face. Although I was giggling, in the back of my head I realized that I could be making the biggest mistake of my life if I choose to marry this man or maybe the best. Who knows? I'm just really conflicted concerning this decision. I shouldn't feel this way right?
Okay okay! I'll spill the beans!
I'll be quite honest with myself, I don't want to marry Andrew, not now at least. If I choose to marry Andrew it'll be out of fear rather than love.
My fear is that I'm afraid that I may just miss out on the man of my dreams waiting for another man to come back to me, that being Liam. I don't want to miss out on my soul mate by holding onto my hope mate. I know that there's a man out there made specifically for me, but is that man Andrew?
My heart is undeniably with Liam and because that's the case, I may just be shutting Andrew out and not giving him a fair chance just like Dreya said, but I can't help but to love who I love. Just like Selana Gomez says, The heart wants what it wants. I second that notion once more.
Am I allowed to vent on how much I hate being alone? Just a moment maybe?
Well, I'm not sure if it's because I shared a womb with my brother Kendrick that may in turn have an effect on why that is the case, but being alone scares me in a sense. I feel more comfortable being with someone who's rather toxic to my being than to be single, that's how much I hate loneliness. I think that may be the reason why I always take Andrew back. I just don't know how to be alone and love my singleness but I'd really like to learn, but the only way to really do that is to be single and ALONE!
