Summer Nights (RE-WRITTEN)

23

A:N This story includes themes of mental health and eating disorders, please only read if you feel ready too, you are beautiful always x

I feel frustrated tears burn the corner of my eyes as I desperately try to soothe Violet who was screaming her tiny lungs out. I rock her gently as I rub small circles on her back. It was our first night home since leaving the hospital and reality was hitting me, that I have no idea on what to do with a baby.

Rocky looks at me somewhat alarmed as he comes into the living room with a towel wrapped around his lower half, if we were any other situation I would be completely melting at how handsome he looks right now.

"Scarlett, you okay?"

I shake my head weakly, "I've tried everything! She must hate me."

He shakes his head as he gently peels Violet out of my arms, "I think she can just tell that you're feeling stressed."

My bottom lip wobbles, "So it is my fault."

His eyes widen, "No, no that's not what I'm saying at all."

I cover my face with my hands as violently sobs leave my lips, "I'm a horrible mother."

He lets out a loud exasperated sigh "No you're not a horrible mother at all. Come here."

I blink in surprise before he wraps his spare arm around my shoulders, "She's stopped crying because she loves you and hates me."

"She loves you, don't be stupid. I think you're just feeling overwhelmed."

"What gave it away?"

"You need to sleep, so go and have a nap. You've got enough expressed milk to let me take over."

"But-"

"No buts, I've got this."

I nod slowly before trudging into my bedroom before I step back out before I can even open my mouth, Rocky stops me.

"Sleep, now."

...

I don't know how long I've been asleep for but all I know is that it was deep as hell. I've never felt sleep like it before, I didn't realise how sleep deprived I must have been until now. I rub my eyes before shoving my slippers on and walking into the living room.

My heart melts when I see Rocky watching television with Violet cocooned on his chest. I smile like a complete idiot as I try and sit down as quietly as possible.

"Hey." I whisper as I gingerly reach out and stroke my daughters face.

"Hey, you sleep okay?"

"Best sleep I've ever had. Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me for looking after my own daughter. I also made some pasta there's leftovers on the side."

I'm not sure if it's because I feel so out of my depth but the thought of eating makes me want to cry all over again.

"I'll grab some later."

He gives me a harsh look, "Scarlett."

I nod tearfully, "I know, I'm really sorry but the thought of eating right now makes me want to burst into tears and I'm only telling you this because you asked me to be honest."

"Okay, how can I help? Do you want me to eat with you or is there another food I can make to make it feel less stressful?"

My heart physically hurts at his kindness.

"Can you just distract me while I eat please?" My voice comes out extremely vunerable.

"Sure."

I give him a grateful smile before standing up and going to refrigerator to grab the leftover pasta, I don't even bother to heat it up because I just want this over with.

"I need to get my haircut." Rocky suddenly announces, "Before my ceremony, also that reminds me when I called Harry to tell him that the baby's been born, he said you invited him for a sleepover?"

My cheeks burn as I slowly put food onto my fork, "Oh yeah. I actually ended up babysitting him, well him and Winter. He's a very devoted Uncle already."

"Did he ask you about how babies are made?"

I laugh, "He did."

"Yeah he's still not letting that one go."

"I had to distract him with a lot of glitter."

"Remind me to go to the store before he sleeps over, I'm buying all the glitter that the store has."

I grin as I begin eating, "I'll remind you."

"Good because that's not a conversation I want to be happening with minimal sleep."

"Speaking of sleep, how is this going to work? Do we each have her one night?"

"It's completely up to you, I'm happy to do anything."

I bite down on my bottom lip, "I was thinking, If it's okay with you because it's her first night, I was hoping we could both camp out here."

"Sure, whatever you want. I think I've got an air mattress in the closet. Once you've finished eating I'll grab it."

I give him a grateful smile as my decade old feelings for him seem to reappear all over again, not that they ever left.

"You're already such a good dad and the best co-parent, a girl could ask for."

"I suppose there's worse people, I could picture being in this situation with." Rocky muses as he warmly looks down at the tiny human on his chest.

...

I was sprawled out on the air mattress while Rocky was nestled on the sofa, I tried to convince him to swap with me but he wasn't for budging. Violet was sleeping soundly in her Moses basket.

"Rocky?" I whisper into the darkness.

"Hmm?"

"Are you sure she's okay?"

"She's fine, I promise. You need to sleep when she's sleeping."

"I think my nap earlier messed up my sleep pattern, I feel like I can't."

"Count sheep then."

"I don't want to count sheep."

"Count pigs then."

"I'm being serious, should I start unpacking all of her clothes?"

"No, you should rest."

"Sorry."

"It's fine, I'm only saying it for you. I can last on two hours sleep, I'm fine."

"Can you just check one last time that she's okay? You're closer and I don't want to wake her."

I hear a small sigh before shuffling, "She's breathing, she's fine and she's safe."

I let out a breath of relief, "Thank you."

"Are you going to sleep now?"

"Probably not."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Because you've known me for a long time."

"Maybe too long at this point."

"Hey, rude."