Drain me [SKZ fanfiction] Lee Felix

What I ask of you...

Han arrives in her living room around six, finding her hurled up with her knees pressed to her stomach and her head hidden behind them, shutting off the world.
"Hyuna told me you and Chris fought?" he crouches down beside her, trying to see if she'll look up to make eye contact with him.
"We argued," she mumbles with her head still down.
Her head is overflowing and at the same time her heart feels so empty she doesn't know what to do. She never had to deal with a broken heart before as she never had fallen in love with someone like how she did with Chris. Could she even call it fallen in love at this point? She had longed for him all this time. She wanted him close to her, to be focussed on her and experience fun and happy memories together. Her heart had been content with staying at the side lines as he always came back to her, but right now?
He looked so hurt.
And he left.
"Did you eat something?" Jisung asks her.
She shakes her head and keeps her eyes closed against her knees. Beside her, she hears Jisung stand up and scuffling around in her kitchen.
He opens and closes cabinets and she hears how he puts pans on the stove.
She stays on the ground and after what feels like both an eternity and five seconds she gets lured out of her hurdled position with the delicious smell of home cooked food.
"I have burned some parts for sure, but I think it should be pretty edible," he smiles at her when she finally stretches out and takes a seat on her chair.
Jisung places a plate with stir fried noodles in front of her and although her head tells her she isn't hungry at all, her stomach betrays her and she digs in without another word.
Jisung pulls out the chair opposite of her -the place where Chris sat before- and keeps an eye on her while she forces herself to finish everything after seeing his stern look. He grabs her plate and cleans it after she's done and ushers her to the bathroom after that.
"No, no," he warns her. "Take a hot shower, collect your thoughts and then we talk. I know what it feels like to have a heart broken and you can't hide it from me. I will standby if you break down before you're done."
She feels his cold hands on her shoulders pushing her inside and with the mind of a zombie she follows up his instructions. The warm water helps her stiff muscles, but her mind keeps being a chaotic mess even after she's done. It's like she hasn't filtered everything yet and lives in some sort of in-between vibe. As if her mood and emotions are being detached so her body can first focus on itself. Call it limbo.
She hears Jisung call for her and when she opens the door he hands her a set of dry and clean clothes he grabbed out of her wardrobe. After she's dressed he comes in and places her on the edge of her bathtub to help her dry her hair. She's never been pampered this much since—
She swallows and closes her eyes, pushing away the now painful memories. Jisung's almost done when her first tears roll down her face.
"Shh, hey, it's alright. Let's move to the couch," he appeases her before walking her over to sit down and spreading his arms as an open invitation.
"I'm not that warm, but I think you need a hug," he smiles and all she can do is nod and let him close his arms around her while she starts shaking and silently cries against his chest.
"I heard they're now officially a thing?" Jisung asks after some time.
She doesn't say a thing and lets him talk to her.
"I know it must suck," he continues. "You've been friends for so long and he probably never noticed your feelings, am I right?"
She nods against his chest. She had suspicions -or maybe hope- he knew what she felt towards him, but either way he ignored it or downplayed it casually, always mentioning they were best friends. Even when they shared many intimate things like their first kisses and such, he always acted so casually about it and she copied him to protect her heart.
"My head," she mutters. "It's such a mess."
It plays over and over how he had accused her of being jealous and how he had been disappointed in her. She wants to interrupt him every time, screaming she didn't mean to be jealous and that the problem is her. Her feelings made her distance herself from him.
However, it's in her head and playing the merciless ending again and again doesn't help the voices yelling at her she's been stupid, unfair and guilty of all things he accused her of.
"And it will be for some time," Jisung sighs, sounding like a wise man instead of the young adult sitting in front of her. He is in fact over fifty years old. "All we can do is forgive ourselves and the other and distract ourselves until it becomes... less painful. I'm here for you to help if you want."
If she wasn't bawling yet, now she is. Downright crying her eyes out at his kind words. It's like he's pulling her emotions out of her, while she normally buried them deep away.
Crying at funerals is easy. Crying for her cliënts who have died in sometimes tragic and painful ways is easy. Crying because it will help others find their outlet is easy. But crying for herself? She can't remember when was the last time she did.
Maybe it's better to forget it all. Like Jisung says, distract herself so the pain will go away. But how?
"Ji-Jisung?" she asks in between her hitched breathing. He looks down at her with a soft smile. "C-Can you bite me?"
His smile falters and slight panic replaces his warm gaze.
"What?" he stutters, not knowing what else to say.
"Can you p-please bite me? I just want to forget and ease the pain for a moment."
She looks at him with tear filled eyes and a pleading look.
Jisung tries to process what she's asking of him and starts shaking his head. "No, Lorey. I can't bite you. I gave in that time because I was wounded and you know what it—,"
"I know," she interrupts him. "That's why I'm asking. I-I I c-can't...It's— F-forgetting I—," her sobs come back heavier than before and Jisung holds her, unsure of what to do. He looks from the girl clinging to his arms to his surroundings and desperately tries to find something else to get her to calm down.
Whilst his eyes dart through the room he pats his pockets in search of his phone.
"Please, please, pick up," he mumbles while he holds Lorey in his arms.
"..."
"Please come over. Lorey, she—,"
He blinks twice when Felix is already in front of them, fully focussed on the girl and crouching down in front of her. Jisung clumsily hangs up and pats Lorey's back while looking over at Felix who places his hand on her knee.
"S-She wants to be bitten," he stutters and Felix turns his head at him to read his face.
He huffs softly before looking back at Lorey.
"What do you need?" he asks her and she hiccups whilst peeling herself off Jisung to press her palms against her eyes.
She inhales deeply with a stuttered breath and tries to compose herself to no avail. There are so many thoughts, memories and voices in her head plaguing her that she failed. She failed to be honest with her feelings and she failed to be there for her best friend while he wanted her to be happy with him. She fucked it up because she was tired.
"I-I want to forget," she whispers between her sniffles, not even able to look at him and avoiding his face altogether. Just a moment without the worries, without the pain and no responsibilities for once.
"I got her, Ji," Felix looks up to the younger vampire who's still panicky about what he should do. "She didn't ask you to turn her, calm down," Felix clears up his misunderstanding and he visibly sees Jisung relax his shoulders before exhaling deeply. "She just wants the adrenaline rush."
"Oh gosh, thank god. My brain shortcutted right then and there for a moment. I-I really can't bite her again, Felix. Chris is already on me and I'm afraid I will lose myself doing things I shouldn't." Jisung rambles along and Felix grabs his hand to make him focus again.
"You don't need to," he assures him. "Go home. Keep an eye on Bang Chan for me and take a good rest. I'll stay with Lorey."

A soft touch gets her out of her head for a moment and when she looks up she sees Jisung has disappeared and she's now alone with Felix who hands her a tissue and a glass of water.
"I'm so stupid, Felix," she whines, pressing the tissue against her still leaking eyes.
Felix takes the place where Jisung just sat and ushers her to drink up her glass of water. Her hands shake too much and he has to place one hand around hers to help her drink. His hand is warm and she remembers him telling her hiding his vampiristic characteristics costs energy.
"Y-you can stay cold," she tells him, but he gently brings the glass back to her mouth to make her drink. The cold water down her throat eases a little of her upcoming headache.
He sets the glass back on the coffee table and leans with his arm on the backrest of the couch. Observing her.
Lorey feels small and vulnerable how his eyes are engulfing her as if he can see all her pain and thoughts. And he probably can, because she knows that's what he's good at. She wipes away her last tears and tries to inhale deeply. She looks over at her dinner table where Jisung sat with her to eat and her eyes fall back on her book. She closes her eyes and curses herself when her heart aches again. Wherever she will look, it will somehow remind her of Chris.
"Please, please make it stop," she mutters with her eyes closed and her hand clawing at her chest where her heart's at.
It's again, Felix's warm hand pulling her out of the thoughts, gently grabbing her hand and placing it back on her thigh.
He looks from her hand she has balled up a fist, to her face where their eyes meet for a split second. There's no judgment. He's looking at her with understandment, with the calmness she's missing herself right now. He's taking on that role so she can let go and Lorey trusts him.
"Bite me?" Her voice is so small, but Felix hears her and almost invisibly nods.
"Where?" he asks and she points at the memory she wants to forget the most.
"Here."