Deceptive Affections

CHAPTER 37

ZAISHA

I walked out of the office, my heart pounding and my vision blurred by unshed tears. All of this, the secrets, the confrontation, the confession is a lot. It had taken everything out of me and I felt a heavy, aching void in my chest.

I tried my best to keep my emotions in control. To keep myself from letting my tears drop. But now it is getting to me and I need to get away from here. I need space. I need to breathe.

Instead of the elevator, I took the stairs. The elevator is enclosed and I need to let the energy out. I need that ache in my heart to be a physical pain or exhaustion. That way, I know what this is and how to deal with it.

By the time I entered my car, I was breathing heavily. I half expected Reyann to come and stop me. But I guess it is for the best that he didn't. Because maybe if he did, I would have stayed.

Why did it have to be this way? I loved Reyaan so deeply, but his inability to let me in, to trust me with his pain, has created an insurmountable wall between us. I tried so hard to understand, to be patient, but there was only so much I could take.

Even now, I didn't let myself feel the pain or the hurt. The longer I can handle it, the less it will hurt. I somehow managed to drive and reach my house.

On the driveway, I saw my brother coming towards me and I turned around. I don't want him to see me like this. I look dishevelled. My eyes are red and my hair a mess. But luck is not on my side today. "Aishi", he stopped me. But I didn't turn around. Eventually he came around me and one look at my face was all he needed to know that something was wrong.

"What happened? Did someone do something? Are you not feeling well? Aishi, answer me!" his questions were full of rage and concern. I can not hold it in any longer.

A single tear slipped down my cheek, followed by another, until I was quietly crying, my shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Without asking another question he gently wrapped me in his arms allowing me to break down completely. The emotions I had held back came flooding out—anger, hurt, betrayal, and a profound sadness that felt like it would swallow me whole.

I wanted to scream but no sound came out. He held on to me. After my cries subsided a little, he looked at me with a gaze full of worry and concern.

I wiped my tears and looked away from him. "What happened?", his voice low and gentle.

"We broke up." Saying it out loud made it more real. Earlier it was more in my mind but now it was out there and it was the truth. Not some figment of my imagination.

He looked up and started to move away, towards his car. "Where are you going?"

"I told him. If he makes you cry, he is dead." His words were full of fury. I held his hand and pulled him back.

"You are not going anywhere. He didn't hurt me." Well at least not physically. Emotionally, a lot.

"Then why are you crying? What did he say?", his words were razor sharp.

"That's the problem. He didn't say anything." It was becoming really hard to speak. It felt like my throat was closing up on me. looking at his confused face, I said, "I don't want to talk about it. At least not now." I pleaded. But he just stood there.

"Please." I beseeched and he let it go.

"Fine. Go to your room." There was deadly a warning in the undertone of his words.

"Promise me you will not say or do anything to Reyaan. You will not talk to him about any of this." I don't want this mess to blow up even more. Their friendship was already on thin ice and I don't want to crumble it. Whatever happened between Reyaan and me, it was between him and I. Not between my brother and Reyaan.

"You should go and fix yourself. You don't want Mom to see you like this. And especially not Dad." He is just changing the topic. He didn't acknowledge my words.

"No. Promise me. I don't want you to get involved in this. This is my mess and I will deal with it." I said firmly, with as much assertiveness as I could gather.

He moved towards the exit but I stopped him. "Promise me. Please!" and if he doesn't promise me to stay away from this then I am going to have another meltdown. He looked at me and cursed under his breath.

"Fine. But if he comes near you again, until and unless you want it, I am not holding onto any promises."

I tried to give a small smile and retreated to my bedroom. I need my space and a place to not think about whatever happened.

My bedroom is probably the worst place to not think about Reyaan. I realised that too late. He is everywhere. My room is surrounded with his memories. With our memories. The rabbit plushie on my bed, the movie tickets of Rapunzel, our first date are sitting on my work table. I saved two of those tickets. Inside the closet, I have his jacket from the time he brought me back home when I was drunk and someone tried to grope me. Not just the jacket, one white shirt and two hoodies of his that I stole are also sitting there. In the shoe rack, I have the heels he gifted me, the ones I jokingly told him I wanted and he got them for me.

Every one of those items reminded me of him. A sob escaped my throat and it didn't take long for my tears to come rushing down. I sat down on the floor and let my emotions out. I have to clear these things up. I can't cry every time I enter my room.

I spent the next few days working on my dress and not on the wallowing, not on a certain someone. Work will help me get through this. It is the perfect distraction. It is just what I need.

I heard a knock on my door and Bhai entered. With ice-cream in his hands. Since the time I told him about the break up, he finds excuses to check up on me. To see if I am doing okay and that I am not a crying mess anymore.

"I am fine!" I told him. I am grateful that his is being so sweet but I am also getting exasperated by saying the same thing again and again, at least five times in a day. And this excludes the texts I have to send him.

"Your swollen eyes say otherwise."

"That's because I didn't sleep last night. I am working." I gestured towards the dress in my hand.

"And crying", he tried to complete my sentence. It is only partially true. I cried briefly but the puffy eyes were mostly because I was working. He sat down on the bed after giving me my ice-cream.

"I was thinking", I tried to say, changing the topic a little bit, "That I should go to Mumbai in the next few days. Maybe day after tomorrow." There were a bunch of reasons for this decision. Firstly, I wanted to get away from here, from the memories that I don't want anymore. I also would enjoy some peace away from my brother. And lastly, I have almost finished the dress and getting a head start on working there wouldn't be a bad idea.

"You want to run away from here?" Sugarcoating does not exist in his vocabulary.

"It's not running away." I thought about it for a while. "Maybe a little bit. But I do want to go. I have a lot to prepare for."

"If you want to go, I will not stop you." He agreed to it easily. No way. "But" and there it is. "You will call me every day. Twice." What word would surpass overbearing?

"Okay. I will." If it's only the calls, I can deal with it. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.