The Model Couple

📷 Chapter 55

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"This sucks." I whisper it into the darkness of the room.

I can't sleep. I lie on my back with an arm thrown over my face trying to figure out where I went wrong. Or maybe I didn't and all of this was just inevitable. Brook deserved to know the truth. I couldn't lie to her about something like that. But man, I wish I was the type of person that could just say the L word and not feel it. She might never have known.

But then again, she'd probably figure it out a year or more down the road. Then where would we be? A messy break up. She'd hate me. I couldn't do that to her. She deserves better. Honestly, I wanted to beg her to give me a chance to make her happy. But how could I ask her to settle for me when she deserves someone amazing? Someone head over heals in love with her who could give her the world, not me with all my brokenness. 

I've gotten so used to sleeping with her on top of me, the lovely feeling of her skin touching mine. Last week her touch being taken away worried me the most. But now that it's happened it isn't just her touch I miss. The worst part is definitely that I won't get to spend time with her any more.

When Brook is around, it's impossible to be in a bad mood. She is cheerfulness personified. Her cute animated facial expressions run through my mind. I imagine her sweet eyes looking up at me, making me feel like I could conquer anything. Just being near her makes me calmer and happier. I feel more alive when I'm with her. And she makes me laugh.

Now bleakness waits for me instead of happiness. I know she says we can be friends, but seeing her twice a year isn't enough. I want to see her every day. Wake up to her on top of me. Make her waffles with bacon and watch her delight as she eats it.

I stupidly got my hopes up that she and I could be together. It's not that I think my life is going to be horrible. I still plan to make a good life for Danny. But the whole idea of buying a house and making a home has lost its luster without Brook. What I don't understand is how it can hurt so badly. How does the loss of her make a physical pain in my chest? I don't get it.

I'm clearly not getting any more sleep so I get up to go workout. 

"This sucks so bad."

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I try not to roll my eyes as Chris introduces yet another set of judges. I'm so over this show at this point. People from fashion, yada, yada, yada.

"And our third judge, and ultimately the one you'll need to impress with your photos today is Rachel Armand." I glance at the stylish older woman that clearly has money, her short black bob with her gold designer jewelry and Gucci scarf. She slipped me her number with a wink before we started filming this morning. Chris continues, "Rachel is releasing the third perfume in Chanel's 'Lover' series. With a light musky scent, this newest addition is called Ménage à Trois. Rachel, tell us more about what you are looking for in today's photos."

She speaks with a slightly forced French accent, "Yesss. Sank you. Our first two scents, Seduction and Affair have sold remarkably well wit minimal advertising. Dis time we have decided to place print ads for Menage into prominent fashion magazines." She looks over to us models and her approving eyes scan me from top to bottom. "I'm looking for sumting sexy dat catches my eye." It's not me lady. My stolid expression doesn't change.

Chris brings up the pictures one by one and Rachel is sure to say for each one how sexy I look. Alexis goes to the top. Rachel smiles, "I imagine myself between deez two handsome young men on da beach. It tis an image dat I like verra much."

Chrissy's red room of pain takes second place and Draven goes to the bottom with her goth/punk theme.

Alexis and I have stood in front since the beginning but now Alexis steps back onto the raised platform and Brook and Hayden join me in front. I glance down at Brook to see how she's doing and she gives me a nervous smile. I reach my hand out to touch her lower back in support but then I remember she has asked me not to. With regret I pull my hand away.