𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐇

#.. SIXTY

all seungmin did the next few days was lying on his bed, staring at the exact same spot, deep in his thoughts.

yet all he could think about was jungsu. jungsu and how he just left him behind like that.

seungmin did not call him egoistic, god, that would be the last thing he'd do. but he must say that he was indeed a little bit angry jungsu never told him.

it was the sense of regret, that grew stronger every passing day, the sense of "i could've helped him."

he knew that was wrong. nothing could've saved jungsu. the urge to die never leaves, if one gets better it just relays the date of the relapse.

seungmin knew the best, considering his addiction. he will never be 100% clean, that's for sure. because eventually, he'll relapse again and again.

so no, he couldn't save jungsu. but a little part of him loved to believe so, his heart aching for that to be correct.

then it convulsed when he realised that it can't be reversed anymore. jungsu was gone, forever.

to get over his death a tad bit quicker, seungmin found the strength to stand up and ask his father to drive him somewhere.

he would recognize the building from miles away: the dance school. seungmin wanted to start ballet again.

there was an audition for the ballet part or romeo and juliet, seungmin wanted to audition for romeo. or at least another part.

he knew that he'd have to repeat a lot, the ballet scene was very strict and hard to survive in, but seungmin knew that jungsu would've wanted for him to not give up his passion.

all these years seungmin longed to start again, yet was scared of judgement. now that he knew what it's like to be beaten up, he had nothing to be scared of.

there was a poster about the piece, where people who want to audition should write their names and telephone numbers.

so seungmin did exactly that, writing his name underneath the romeo section. afterwards he walked towards the lady at the counter.

"hi, i'd like to take ballet classes here" he said, voice raspy as he hasn't really talked the last days. she just nodded and handed him sheets of paper.

"bring them here tomorrow at 3pm and you'll start here, seungmin." the woman seemed to still recognize him, making the latter smile lightly and scratch the back of the head.

it wasn't him who started a conversation with the lady, but his father, who seemed to recognize the woman, too.

so they talked while seungmin just stood next to him, deep in his thoughts. again, for the nth time that week.

his phone rung, so he excused himself and walked out the door to take the call. it was gunil after all.

"wanna go out and skate again?"

[...]

"we haven't done this in such a long time" gunil said as both of them said down on the pair of swings.

it was night, both of them freezing yet they didn't care, the comforting rocking of the swing calming them.

gunil lit himself a cigarette, yet frowned when seungmin reached out for one, too. "you really shouldn't" he sighed and put the box in his pocket again, fishing out a lighter for himself.

seungmin sighed, resting his head against the chain that held the swing. "i miss jungsu so fucking much.." he muttered, his voice breaking from all the raw emotions.

and gunil just sighed. "i know you do, seungmin, i know you do..."

the squeaking of the rusty swings sounded through the quiet night, gunil exhaling the smoke from time to time was the only other thing audible.

"how's jiseok?" seungmin eventually asked gunil, deciding that his melancholy should not ruin the mood.

but that question wasn't exactly appropriate either. "still not better" gunil sighed. "i visited him again and he didn't move at all. he has a feeding tube again, man, i just want him to be okay..."

seungmin nodded. of course he wants that, which boyfriend does not want that for the love of his life?

that's what seungmin wanted for jungsu, too but it was too late. hopefully gunil will be able to be okay.