a new era of me

~the thoughts that consume me~

~Adaline Rosewood~

~September 10th~

I made my way towards Percy's dorm, that whole thing that happened in detention with Riddle consumed my thoughts.  That kiss, that petrifying kiss.  I wanted more for some reason.  But I shouldn't, I shouldn't want more, That's wrong.

Riddle and I are wrong, everything about that idea is wrong. 

I knocked on Percy's dorm and waited.  It was quite late so I wasn't really expecting a response from him at this hour.

I'm not sure what I was going.

Maybe I was thinking about taking him up on his offer? On us?

I honestly don't know. My twisted mind wouldn't stop replaying the kiss between Riddle and I. His lips against mine was a feeling I didnt understand.  It was confusing and conflicting, I hated that.

Suddenly the door of Percy's dorm swung open, catching me off guard. He was stood there, in his pajama bottoms and a tee shirt, I kind of missed this look.. I missed him.

He looked surprised, and happy. "Hey Adaline.. What's going on?" He asked groggily.

"Hey.. I wanted to um," I paused and took a moment to word my sentence. Before I could speak up Percy laughed and dragged me by my hand inside.

"Just come on," He smiled.

I couldn't help but smile back and follow him inside his dorm, the smell of wood and his citrusy cologne filled my nose. 

It reminded me of when I bought him that cologne, and when I had first introduced that cologne to him.  I got it for him when we first started dating, it was a secret santa gift.

"Oh thanks Rosewood!" He expressed genuinely happy with a smile.

"Of course," I had replied quietly while fidgeting with my bracelets.

"You've got good taste," He nudged my shoulder after he smelled the cologne.

We sat on his bed and I looked around his room, my eyes landed on the picture frame of us he had on his desk, He still had that?

"What did you need?" He asked as he pushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"Us.." I murmured as I looked down at my hands.

"Us?" He repeated sounding surprised.

I nodded, I couldn't look at him.  I felt embarrassed for even shutting him out in the first place.

"Look at me," He sighed.

I shook my head.

"Look at me Adaline." He repeated a bit more firmly.

I shook my head again.  "No." I murmured.

He sighed and placed his hand on my chin then turned my face so I could look at him.

"Adi" He murmured, his voice smooth.

I looked into his eyes and stayed quiet.  His eyes searched mine and mine searched his..  This brought some sort of hope? Hope.  It was hope,  it brought hope to me.

"I love you.. You know that right?.." He began.  "I know for a fact I was a crappy boyfriend and.. I know it's going to take a while for me to prove that I can improve.. But I'm willing to do that." He smiled.

I felt my heart flutter.. But then the sickening thoughts of Riddle began to take over my mind.  I pushed those forbidden thoughts away and put my attention on Percy.

Percy was my priority.

I nodded and took in his information.  "I love you too and.. I know that you'll do that," I said quietly.  "I trust you," I said softly with a half smile.

He gave me a small nod then his gaze traveled from my eyes to my lips.. His gaze stayed on my lips for a bit  before he leaned in to kiss me.  Instantly this had reminded me of Riddle.. Riddle and our shared kiss.  The kiss that wasn't supposed to happen, the kiss that I had strangely desired and craved. 

I had backed up for a moment causing Percy to look at me strangely. 

"Sorry," I muttered.

"No worries," He assured me.  "May I?" He asked.

I nodded and I leaned in and leader the kiss, which ultimately caught him off guard.

I placed my hand on his chest and got closer to him, deepening the kiss.  He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me closer to him.

"Percy.." I breathed out against his lips.

"Yeah?" He pulled back looking into my eyes.

"I want you." I muttered.

I didn't.. Want him, the only thing burned into my mind was Riddle.

But I wasn't going to take this want or need out on him,  I was going to use Percy to clear any remaining thoughts of Riddle out of my head.

"Oh I've missed you." He chuckled.

Our lips met yet again and I ended up on top of him, straddling him specifically.  His hands went under my shirt, my skin heating up at his touch. 

It felt somewhat odd.

...

I woke up next to him, his arm draped over my waist.  I sighed and stared up at the ceiling, I didn't understand my actions.  I used Percy, I was laying in his bed naked after we were having a nice sweet talk.

What the fuck was wrong with me.

What the hell was I doing?? I don't do this shit.  I used Enzo, I kissed Riddle because I'm a fucking dumbass, and I used Percy.

Never in my life did I think I'd be doing this things.

Percy meant so much to me and I used him. I used him like some piece of shit asshole.

Several thoughts consumed me and they went in a rotating order.

Riddle.

Percy.

The kiss.

My 18th birthday party.

Riddle.

Percy.

My 18th birthday party.

Riddle.

It always started and ended with Riddle. He consumed my inner peace and thoughts, as if he knew what was going on. The hurt of his words still lingered in my head.

"I think Enzo was right, you'll kiss anyone who gives you attention."

Why did this hurt me? What he said about my mother never hurt me that much, it did hurt but not this much.

As if sensing my inner turmoil, Percy's hand tightened on my waist as he slept.

Someone hex me.

Please.