Intertwined

Broken Pieces

A/N: It has taken me forever to write this chapter. Writers block!
I wanted to find a realistic way to portray the effects of what has happened on our TNN characters even after their 'biggest' threat is gone.
Thank you for all the support and encouragement. I appreciate you all so much.
T/W: emetophobia for paragraph beginning 'In total contrast'

Will I ever feel safe again?
I want to be more than broken pieces
I want to be able to see the colours and the light
I want to see more than darkness and shadows

Memories feel like claws in my back
Creating new invisible scars
Will I ever be free
From the hold of his painful puppeteering

I thought this new day would bring new light
And I waited, held my breath for peace
But fear takes hold of my lungs
Squeezes the hopeful air out of me
Like it did Years ago,
when he took control
So now I wait for the ground to fall apart
Under my unworthy feet

I hadn't meant to read it. It fell out of her bag after she left to go pick the girls up from vacation club. A piece of folded paper. I had wondered if maybe it was a note for the girls or a shopping list. It wasn't in an envelope, or sealed in anyway.

Should I tell her that I've read it.
Should I respond to her and see if I can help her feel better in some way?
Should I be concerned that she is feeling so heavy and sad? Or is this just her way of expressing something in writing she found it hard to verbalise?

I had a few minutes before my psychologist arrived. I read over it again.

My darling Mia, I wished I could just hold her and tell her it was all going to be ok, but I knew it wasn't that easy. I just wanted her to know that I was here for her. I wiped a few tears away. It broke my heart that she felt this way. That she felt she didn't deserve to be happy.

I could sense these last two weeks since Roger's arrest, that she was frustrated with herself and I was confused about why. From this little poem it seemed that she felt like all of her fears and trauma would just be better once Roger was behind bars. I think she logically knew it wasn't that simple, but I felt like she was holding something back. She wasn't talking as much, she was using herself being busy and trying to do everything she could to avoid having more serious conversations.

Just this morning she had spilled her cup of tea when her phone rang, making her jump about ten feet in the air. She proceeded to swear at herself on and off for a good ten minutes while cleaning it up and muttering under her breath. I tried to tell her it was ok and not to worry and she looked at me like I had three heads and huffed something about me not understanding. It was the biggest reaction over something so small. But there had been other moments like that where she seemed to feel like a little mistake or accident she made was the biggest disaster she had ever caused.

In total contrast when something more complicated or stressful happened she was the calmest most at ease woman on the planet. Last week the girls had come in for a lunch visit and Evie had been spinning around for a while laughing and I had asked her to slow down, picturing what could happen, but she was laughing and having fun, taking a few extra minutes for my warning to filter through. Sure enough a few minutes after she eventually stopped she threw up all over the floor and lounge, which happened to be when Reece called for Mia to organise a time to sign legal documents. Mia managed to soothe Evie, clean her up, talk to one of the orderly's for a mop up and book the appointment with Reece on the phone at the same time. She remained perfectly calm the whole time. I was flustered on her behalf and perplexed at the different, seemingly extreme reactions. Except that when I spoke to Marjorie about it, she said Reece was the same and he had also been a lot less communicative the last couple of weeks.