Beyond the Heart's Grasp

Kabanata 23

Kabanata 23

"Halos isang linggo kana raw hindi nagagawi sa Digo's?" Mom asked.

"Pinaplano ko pong pumasok bukas," I answered. Alam ko namang nakakaramdam si Mom, medyo makulit siya minsan pero kapag mga ganito ka-seryosong bagay ay binibigyan niya naman ako ng panahon na huminga at mag-isip muna.

"This is new to you, right?" she said.

"What, Mom?" naguguluhang tanong ko.

I heard her sigh. "Alam ko namang ayaw mo lang sabihin, pero alam kong bago sa'yo ang ganiyang sitwasyon," she said. "Part of life. Magmamahal ka, masasaktan ka... or makakasakit ka," she shrugged.

I was stunned. I didn't tell her anything to make her say this kind of word. I know my Mom she really has a lot of insights and has a broad view of the world. Maybe, hindi ko iyon namana sa kaniya.

"Mom, why are you saying this?"

Ngumuhit ang isang ngiti sa mga labi niya. Natahimik siya ng ilang segundo at muling nagsalita. "You have to go through such a situation because your character's still being molded. Instead of dwelling in that, why don't you ask what's the purpose of that in your life? And why are you going through it?"

I close my eyes. I tried to hide how her words struck me. She's becoming a Pastora again. Kilala ko si Mom na hindi titigil na kulitin ako hangga't hindi ko sinasabi sa kaniya ang problema ko... but this time? She doesn't force me, she gives me the encouragement I need.

"You'll be fine, Diego." she said confidently.

I believe her. I believe my Mom more than I believe myself. I wish I had this spirit she has. I really adore her mindset, her wisdom and her heartbeat.

"I appreciate you so much. Love you, Mom." I smiled at her and she did the same.

She ended the call and I put the phone on the table. Humiga ako sa sofa at tumingin sa itaas para mag-isip hanggang sa hindi ko namalayang nakatulog na ako.

I panicked when I woke up and quickly grabbed my phone to check the time. Akala ko late na ako sa class, hindi na ako nakapag-alarm kagabi dahil hindi ko rin naman alam na makakatulog ako.

We had a presentation and a quiz, I was able to prepare for that even though my brain was messed up. I'm trying to apply everything Mom told me. She's right, I shouldn't dwell on the situation. Hindi pwedeng kung kailan palapit na ang graduation ay saka pa ako magloloko.

I intend to go to Digo's as I told Mom so I brought the car. Trina messaged me once kasi wala na raw akong paramdam after ng celebration na naganap, I I told her I was just busy with school which is a touch of truth.

Even before I got to the restaurant, I saw Aloha come out of there. Huminto ako upang panoorin siya. Her attention was focused on her phone, soon a car stopped in front of her and she got into it.

Nang tuluyang makalayo ang sasakyan na sinakyan niya ay nagpatuloy naman ang sasakyan ko. Pagdating ko sa Digo's ay agad akong binati ng guard doon, I immediately went straight to the Employee Area.

Naabutan ko roon sina Joey, Sage at Trina na may hawak na papel, halos hindi maipinta ang mukha nila. Nagbago lang ito nang makita nila ako.

"Diego," sabi ni Trina. "Galing dito si Aloha, nagkaabot ba kayo?"

Umiling ako. "Nakita ko lang siya," I answered.

Nagkatinginan silang tatlo bago ibinalik ni Trina ang tingin sa akin. "Here," inabot niya sa akin ang papel na hawak niya. "Aloha's resignation letter,"

Ilang segundo akong nakatingin lang sa kaniya bago kinuha iyon sa kamay niya at binuklat ang papel. I averted my gaze when I read it. Alam kong gagawin niya ito, it's just weird to feel that I was actually right.

Sinenyasan ni Trina ang dalawa na bumalik na sa trabaho at sumunod naman ang mga ito. Nanatiling kami nalang dalawa ang naiwan.

"Diego, may problema ba kayo ni Aloha?" she asked, I didn't answer.

Sa isang buwan ni Aloha rito sa Digo's, alam kong naging malapit na siya sa mga tao rito at ganoon din sila sa kaniya. Alam ko ring nage-enjoy siya sa trabaho niya rito, nakakalungkot lang dahil kinailangan niya pang umalis dahil lang sa problema naming dalawa.

Is it a bad thing na ako ang may-ari ng Digo's? Dapat ba hindi niya nalang nalaman para hindi na siya umalis dito? Kahit naman nagalit ako sa kaniya ay ayaw ko siyang umalis dito, lalo na't napalapit na siya sa mga tao rito.

"I don't know, Trina. Ang labo kasi," I answered. Binigyan niya ako nang nagtatakang tingin at hinihintay ang mga susunod na sasabihin ko pero hindi ko na iyon dinagdagan pa.

"Umamin kana ba?"

Umiling ako. "I don't think that's a good idea," I simply said.

"Why?"

I took a deep breath. "I don't want to ruin a relationship."

Her face showed surprise. "Are you sure about that?"

"Of course, Trina,"

She was stunned and didn't know how to react. I'm sure she was surprised, who isn't? I know they think Aloha and I have something in us.

"It's very obvious she likes you... kaya hindi ako makapaniwala tungkol diyan." she said. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong maging masaya kasi iyon ang napansin niya kay Aloha pero ayaw ko nang umasa. "I know, gusto ka niya... maybe you just need to talk, just to reassure you... I mean, both of you."

Umirap ako sa hangin. Binibigyan niya lang ako ng panibagong expectation. Ayaw ko na mag-expect sa aming dalawa ni Aloha because the last time I did that, it had a terrible effect on me. Ayaw ko ng maulit lang 'yon.

"Don't give me hope, Trina." I replied so she laughed a little.

"I can't believe na ganiyan ka pala kapag nagkagusto sa isang babae. I wonder how Tita Dallie will react."

Sumama ang tingin ko. "Shut up,"

She smiled. "This is what I'm telling you. Sana sinabi mo na agad para hindi ka naunahan, I'm sure nainip na si Aloha sa kahihintay sayo."

"Kung talagang gusto niya ako, hindi siya maiinip basta-basta,"

Right! If we really have the same feelings for each other, hindi siya maiinip ng ganon nalang. Isa pa, hindi rin siya mage-entertain ng iba. Kaya ibig sabihin lang nun, ako lang talaga ang may gusto... hindi niya ako tipo.

"But, Diego... I hope na magkaayos pa kayo at magkausap. Iba kasi yung saya mo kapag nandiyan siya, ngayon lang kita nakita na gano'n e." she said smiling. "If you are really meant for each other, the universe will make a way for the two of you, kahit na sabihin nating ikasal pa yan siya sa iba." she said confidently and patted my shoulder. "Kaya ngayon pa lang, ipanalangin mo na kayo talaga,"

She straightened herself up and smiled at me before finally exiting the Employee Area. I just shrugged my shoulder and went to the locker to change my uniform.