Beyond the Heart's Grasp

Kabanata 35

Kabanata 35

"Tita, baka hindi po muna ako rito dumiretso pag-out ko. Balak ko po kasing pumunta sa bahay namin ni Lucho." sabi ko habang nasa hapag-kainan kami.

"Gano'n ba? Sige, ibibigay ko nalang sa'yo ang isa pang susi ng gate para kung sakali mang bigla mong maisipang umuwi rito ng gabi."

I nodded. "Sige po."

Kabisado na talaga ako ni Tita. Minsan kasi naiisipan ko talagang umuwi rito kahit sobrang lalim na ng gabi kapag hindi talaga ako makatulog sa bahay namin ni Lucho. Naisip ko kasi na halos ilang linggo na rin akong hindi nagagawi sa bahay namin, miss ko na ring magpahinga roon.

I thought about going to the supermarket today to buy groceries for our home and for Tita's house. I miss doing this, it feels like a little break for me.

As I push my cart, air greets me. Muntik pa akong mapatalon sa gulat nang biglang sumulpot si Diego. The first thing I noticed was that he had shaved his mustache, now it really highlighted his model-like aura even more. He's also pushing a cart.

"I didn't expect to see you here." he said.

"Really?" tumaas ang kilay ko. "Sinusundan mo ba 'ko?" matapang na tanong ko.

"What? No." he replied. "This supermarket's open to everyone, okay? It might just be a coincidence that we ran into each other here."

I crossed my arms. "Coincidence? You've got to be kidding me. This is my go-to place. Why are you here?"

He shrugged. "I just need to buy some groceries. Like everyone else?"

"Right," I replied, trying to keep my tone light. "Well, it's a big store. Hindi naman siguro tayo pareho ng mga bibilhin."

Hindi na ako naghintay pa ng sasabihin niya dahil mabilis kong tinulak ang cart ko. I could feel him watching me as I walked away, but I refused to look back.

As I checked the cereal aisle, I still felt like he was staring at me. Is he really just going to hang around? I grabbed a box of granola, pretending to read the nutrition label, but my mind was elsewhere.

I took a deep breath, deciding to move on to the next section. Pag-ikot ko ng cart, nakita ko siya sa section ng mga prutas. May babaeng lumapit sa kaniya para makipag-usap na hindi ko naman malaman kung anong pinagsasabi ng babae sa kaniya. I felt a strange irritation.

"See? He's talking to someone else," I said to myself. Tinulak ko ang cart papunta sa section ng mga frozen food. Habang kumukuha ako ng mga gusto kong bilhin doon ay hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong sulyapan si Diego.

Nilabas ng babae ang phone niya at kitang-kita ko kung paano mabilis na umiling si Diego sa kaniya pagkatapos ay tinalikuran ito. Mabilis ko namang ibinalik ang atensyon ko sa mga frozen food at nagkunwaring namimili.

"There you are. I thought I lost you," he said.

"Seriously? You're everywhere," I replied. "Tska mukhang hindi ka naman masyadong nakapamili." sabi ko habang tinitingnan ang cart niya.

"Yeah, lot of things were out of stock," he said with a shrug. "I swear, every time I come here, they never have what I need."

"Maybe it's a sign you should try a different store," suhestiyon ko dahilan para matawa siya. "Magbabayad na ako." sabi ko at muling tinulak ang cart ko papunta sa cashier. Nakasunod pa rin siya sa akin habang pumipila ako.

After I handed my card to the cashier, I watched my groceries being bagged. I was about to thank the cashier when my phone ring. I glanced at the screen, the hospital's number flashed, and my heart dropped.

"Excuse me," I said quickly to the cashier, stepping aside to take the call.

"Dra. Velasco, we have an emergency," the voice on the other line said, urgency clear in her tone. "Patient Ramirez is in critical condition. We need you in the OR immediately." tukoy niya kay Erin dahilan para biglang umakyat ang kaba sa akin. "Dra. Velasco, we need you to prepare for a possible surgical intervention. It's bad," the nurse continued.

"Got it. I'll be there in ten minutes," I said and ended the call. I took a deep breath, pushing aside both of anxiety and determination. I turned back to Diego, bakas sa mukha niya ang pag-aalala. "Kailangan ko ng pumunta sa hospital. Ikaw na muna bahala sa mga napamili ko." I said to him while mentally calculating how quickly I could get to my car.

I rushed out of the store and got into my car. I put the key in the ignition, ready to switch from shopper to doctor.

"Dra. Velasco!" a voice called out. I could feel the urgency of the moment pressing down on me.

"Get the anesthesia ready," I instructed, my heart racing. "We need to stabilize her for surgery."

As the anesthesiologist began to administer the anesthesia, I glanced at the monitors. Suddenly, I noticed a change. The beeping of the heart monitor slowed, then stopped.

"Her heart rate is dropping!" Nurse Aurea shouted urgently.

"Start compressions! Get the defibrillator!" I called out, trying to stay calm despite the panic rising inside me.

We moved quickly. I took over chest compressions while others prepared the defibrillator. "One, two, three..." I counted, focusing hard.

"Clear!" someone shouted, and I stepped back as the paddles touched her chest. The jolt of electricity surged through her, but the monitor remained flatlined.

"Again!" I urged, feeling the pressure mounting. "We can't give up!"

We kept going, but with each minute that passed, my hope began faded. The room was filled with frantic energy, but it felt like time was standing still. "Come on, Erin. Fight for us," I whispered, wishing for her to respond.

After several attempts, the attending physician shook his head. "She's gone, Dr. Velasco."

That words hit me hard. I stepped back, my heart aching as reality hit. The vibrant little girl was now gone. I felt defeated.

I took a breath, feeling heavy.

"Time of death: 14:03," I announced quietly.

Silence filled the room, heavy with loss. I looked at my team, their faces showing disbelief and sorrow. We fought hard, but sometimes, it's not enough.

Erin's mother rushed in, panic on her face. "No! No! What's happening?"

I turned to her, my throat tight. "I'm so sorry... We did everything we could..."

As the reality of the loss settled, tears filled my eyes. This was the hardest part of my job, when my best efforts couldn't save a life.