I miss you, I'm sorry

Part 23

For the next week, Aj would wake up with the same feeling as the days before. The forceful push against his chest, making his light body feel heavy, the pit at the bottom of his stomach making him unable to consume food and the spinning of the room that only fed into the nausea. 

Aj needed a way out. 

The day after he slept with Niko, again, he decided to go for a new routine. He couldn't rely on Niko, couldn't go back to that state of vulnerability for the man, not after what happened last time. Aj decided, seeming as he was taking a step back into the past with Niko, why not do what he used to do. 

It wasn't something he was proud of, never anything he would share, but it was a way to temporarily stop the pain; a way for him to stop feeling without dying. 

On the 8th day, Aj follows his morning routine. He wakes up, brushes his teeth, cries in the bathroom, cuts, showers, heads downstairs, and tries to eat. Emphasis on the tries. 

You see, as much as AJ tried to eat, he couldn't physically bring himself to do it. It wasn't because he wanted to starve himself, he was just always sick. He could never eat much, and his appetite just got smaller and smaller until his meals consisted only of redbull, fizzy drinks and one forced meal. 

He throws on a shorts and a hoodie, hissing at the slight friction against his wrist as he pulls it on. He knows this was wrong, he knew he shouldn't do it, but he couldn't help himself. AJ wanted to  be alive again, and what better way then to step into a pathway of death, without actually allowing himself to reach the end of that trail.

Aj then heads downstairs, feeling more lightheaded than usual, but he brushes it off to tiredness. He walks over to the fridge and pulls out a redbull, snapping it open and taking a long sip, before heading over to Sharky and Chunkz who were sat on the sofa. He takes place under Sharkys arm, tucking his knees up to his chest, and resting his head against Sharky's shoulder, sleepiness still fazed in his body.

Chunkz and Sharky could coo at the sight. Aj was always so cuddly and soft when he'd wake up, and it was a change from the feisty energetic Aj they saw everyday. 

"Morning Aje," Sharky smiles, rubbing his arm.

"Mornin'," he mumbles. 

Aj only half pays attention at the start of their conversation, adding a few nods here and there, but by the time Kenny and Niko had made their way downstairs he was fully engaged and involved in the conversation.  They were talking about some movie they had watched the other night.

"...and oh my god it was so romantic, he went and got her flowers but only roses cause he knew she had hayfever..." Aj says placing his hands over his chest, "Oh if someone did that for me..." 

The thing is someone did do that for him. Long long ago. But that was the past.

Chunkz winks over at Niko, who was walking over with Kenny, and it didn't go unnoticed by sharky. 

"Shush man," Aj jumps onto Chunkz, pretending to give hard punches but making them soft when they hit him. 

"Whats going on with these lots," Kenny laughs, taking a seat beside Sharky, "Morning lovely," and you definitely can't expect Sharky not to blush after that. 

"God knows, one minute they're gushing over romantic gestures, the next they're like this," Sharky laughs. 

Whilst AJ and Chunkz are fighting, Chunkz grabs Aj's fore-arm, causing a painful scrunch from Aj's face, which he quickly masked with laughter. Chunkz didn't seem to notice, no one did. Well, all apart from Niko. Niko saw the way Aj's jaw clenched as Chunkz grabbed his arm, and it was fairly obvious Chunkz hadn't grabbed on too hard. Niko decides not to think about it too much, to be honest he didn't care enough. Maybe it was because he had assumed Aj had simply gotten hurt, and not the harsh reality of the situation.