I miss you, I'm sorry

Part 39

Niko runs over to Aj attempting to snatch the bag out of his hand, but Aj yanks his hands back keeping the items out of Nikos reach. 

"Why..." AJ says sadly, before his voice turning angry, "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE THIS NIKO."

"Give it back," Niko yells, tears streaming down his face too. 

"Not until you tell me why the fuck you have this!" 

"Please Aj, lets go into teh room and talk about this, please," Niko begs. Reaching his hand out to help Aj stand, however  AJ gets up on his own and storms into the room, before immediately turning back to shove Niko. 

"Go on then, fucking explain why the fuck these are in your drawer huh?"

Niko barely stumbles back, and instead holds his head, everything spinning around him. 

"I needed to." He whispers, "I needed it."

AJ lets out a dark chuckle, "Huh, you needed it."

"Yes Aj. I needed it. You don't understand, everything was  too much. All of it." Niko begins pacing around the room, hands on his scalp, itching and scratching at the surface, like a psycho who just escaped a mental hospital. "Every little fibre of your being, being against you, fighting its own self, I'm trapped in this horrible endgame of a chess match that I don't remember sitting down to play. My mind is like a jigsaw puzzle, every little memory a piece and all the pieces are all over the place. And it's a big mess, and I can't put it back together. So I smoke. One puff and everything makes sense again. One toke and and every synapse firing. Everything makes sense. No problems for a little while, and when the high comes down, you forget what you where even mad about to begin with. So you smoke. Again. And Again. And Again. because thats the only way you know how to make all the noise stop. Even if its temporary."

AJ watches Niko's psychotic break, a part of him feeling bad for the boy, another angry and disappointed that he wasn't enough for Niko for him to have to resort to taking drugs. 

And suddenly something clocked in Aj's mind, the gummies. "You- You let me take drugs." is all he can reply.

Niko rushes to kneel infront of AJ who was now perched on the edge of the bed, his head in Ajs thighs, gripping harshly. "No, Please, Ley. I didn't want you too. Thats why I made you drink all that water, i-it's why I made sure to hide them, so you wouldn't accidently take them again. You have to believe me Ley."

"You fucked me whilst I was high... Whilst I couldn't make a influenced decision. I-I trusted you." 

"Ley, No. I was high too, please, I would never take advantage of you like that. I was also high. Please, Please, Believe me."

"How Am I supposed to believe you when you've been hiding this from me Nik? How-How am I meant to believe anything you say when you've been hiding something like this?" Ajs angry tone changes into a soft, sad one, "Am I not enough for you? Will-Will I ever be enough for you."

Niko reaches up to caress Aj's cheek, "Baby." He sobs, "You are more than enough. You are everything to me. I-I promise I haven't touched that since we got back together. I promise you Aj. Please, Baby, Please believe me. I-I know its hard to right now, but you have to. I wouldn't lie to you Ley. Baby, Baby, please." 

AJ sighs, standing up, "I-I need time Nik." 

Niko grabs onto AJ's hands, kissing the back of them desperately, "No-No- Don't leave me. Do-Don't break up with me, Please Baby. Please. I- I stopped- I will stop- I will get better - get better for you Ley. I- I can't live without you- I- Can't let you leave."