I miss you, I'm sorry

Part 30

Chunkz knocks on Niko's door after putting Aj to bed and inviting himself in. He looks to see Niko sat at his desk, head in his hands, shaking. Was - Was Niko crying? 

Niko turns to see Chunkz enter, and immediately wipes at his face and stands up as if he was a child getting caught on his phone. 

"Whats up?" He sniffs

"I-," Originally Chunkz had  come to berate Niko, but seeing like this tugged at Chunkz's heart. Niko, the man who didn't cry for anything was crying over Aj? Yes, Chunkz cared for Aj on a deeper level, but Niko was still his brother too and he wasn't going to let some feud between the pair damage their own friendship.

"Come here," Chunkz calls him over, opening his arms out for the boy. Niko practically runs over, sobbing into Chunkz arms. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Niko repeats, guilt over taking his whole body. 

"Niko Talk to me, whats wrong?"

"I- I know it sounds weird but I feel.. bad? Not weird like I did nothing wrong, but weird as in why did I do that. I don't want to hurt him Amin, not physically, I just want to hurt him the way he hurt me. I want him to know how I felt. He hurt me Amin. And he walks around all high and mighty as if he did nothing wrong. I know I shouldn't have pushed him that hard, but is that an excuse for everyone not to talk to me? Ken and Sharks have not said a word to me since. I- I feel like if something were to happen you'd all leave me and take his side." 

Chunkz takes a moment to take in Niko's confession. Niko had never openly said anything about his and Aj's relationship and it was strange hearing the boy confess. 

"Niko, I promise you whatever happened between you and Aj is not going to come between our friendship. If anything we want to help you resolve whatever the issue is. Ken and Sharks are just processing what happened, but I'm sure by tomorrow they'll be fine. You can talk to me about anything Niko. I won't judge you, no matter what happened."

"Thanks Amin. Can I be honest- I want to at least be friends again, but it's just- I'm scared he will do it again. Thats why I push him away, keep him at a hatred distance so that I don't get hurt again."

"I understand, not completely as neither of you have mentioned what has happened, but I get what you're trying to say. But, what was said today was too far. I get you want to hurt him, but I'm pretty sure he would never say anything like that to you."

"I know."

"I think you should apologise for today. But don't do it unless you mean it. And who knows, maybe he wants to be your friend too" Chunkz says, a suspicious gleam in his eye.

"I will. Tomorrow. Please speak to Kenny and Sharky, see if they hate me."

"Niko, they don't hate you. I promise you that. With Aj in hospital, his self-harm, and his story today was a lot emotionally for all of us,"

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The next day Niko wakes up early, anxiety taking over his every move. He knew he had to apologise to Aj, but he really didn't want to. Not because he felt like he shouldn't, but because he didn't want to give AJ that leverage of weakness knowing Niko felt bad. 

He sighs, getting up and walking straight into Aj's room, slowly opening the door. Niko sees Aj sat on his bed, curled up in a ball against the headboard staring at the wall. His hands scratching at his forearms, as he rocked back and forth. 

"Aj? You all good?"

Aj looks at Niko with bloodshot eyes, bags heavy on his face, evident the boy had barely slept. Aj had woken up at around 3 .a.m. with a nightmare; well a series of nightmares. It was like he was trapped in a loop of all his previous traumas escaping one meant entering the next event.