A Court of Flame and Shadow (Azriel x eris)

Chapter 3: Azriel

The flight back to Velaris was bittersweet, in a way that always hurt. Azriel had no idea weather he should be happy to have seen his mate, or sad that he had to say goodbye, again. It seemed like all he had been doing recently was saying goodbye to the people he loved. At some point, it had started feeling like giving up on them. 

As he touched down on the House of Wind, he was surprised to find the whole Inner Circle at the dining table. 

"Hey, what are you all doing here?"

They all gave him a puzzled look.

"Redecorating, Az, fancy joining us? Now, what shade of pink should we make the drapes?" Cassian raised his eyebrows. "Eating breakfast, mate, what the hell else?"

"Isn't it a bit early for breakfast?" He asked, sliding into his usual seat beside Mor.

"Its almost nine o'clock, Az." Feyre said, concern painting her features. 

"Oh."

Nesta passed him a dish of what looked like bacon from where she sat across from him, beside Cassian. On her other side sat Elain, who gave him a worried look. He averted his eyes, instead looking to Amren on Elain's other side. 

"Already back from Summer?"

Amren frowned. "I haven't left." She frowned. "When was the last time you slept?"

"Showing concern? How very unlike you." Azriel scowled, staring at his still empty plate, as if surprised it hadn't filled itself.

"Watch your mouth, boy." Amren snarled, rising from her seat slightly.

"I need to talk to you, Azriel!" Feyre exclaimed, sensing a storm brewing. "Come!" She gestured to the library doors.

~

On the other side of the library doors, Feyre shoved him into an armchair. 

"What the hell was that! You disappear completely, don't tell anyone where you are, come back and pick a fight with Amren! This is so unlike you, Azriel!" She cried.

"Forgive me if I have a life outside of you." Azriel snarled. 

"Do not speak to me like that, Shadowsinger. I may be your sister but I am also your High Lady. I beg you, behave." Feyre never spoke to anyone like that. She hardly ever gave commands, let alone raised her voice. 

He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his legs and his face in palms. Exhaling a long breath, he looked up at her. "I am sorry, Feyre, I guess I didn't sleep well."

"You didn't sleep at all. Cassian told me this morning that you never came back."

"Since when did he track my movements?"

"Do not be smart with me, Azriel, where were you?"

"Out."

"Well I was worried you would be vague about this! Clearly I thought wrong."

"I can't tell you."

Feyre sat down in front of him, taking his scarred hands in her own. "Why can't you tell me? You can tell me anything."

"I just can't, Feyre. Its not that kind of thing."

She blew out a long breath. "Is this about Elain?"

"No."

"Gwyn?"

"No."

"Mor?"

"No, Feyre, can't you just let it rest? Its not a big deal!" He stood up, pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace. Feyre rested back in her chair.

"It is a big deal. I know you think you do not matter, or something like that, but you do. You are important, and it does matter. Can't you just tell me what its about?"

He leaned back on the mantlepiece. "This isn't about some female." He sighed.

Feyre swallowed. "Is it about a male?" Her voice was kind, her face soft. Of course she cared, the fact that he would ever doubt that was stupid.

Truth, lie, truth, lie. It wasn't that he liked to lie to his High Lady, or his family. But the can of worms the truth could open was something that meant weighing it up was a good idea. Feyre knew when to shut up, and Azriel knew how not to crack under pressure, but...

"Yes." He said, voice heavy, as he turned to stare at the mirror above the mantlepiece. In the reflection, he saw Feyre approach. 

"Do you want to talk about it? With anyone?"

Azriel shrugged. 

"You know I have to talk to Rhys about this, right? I don't have to tell him anything we talked about, but when there is a fight, especially with Amren, he has to know. He might ask you himself, and if he does, I think you should talk to him."

He nodded, eyes shut.

"You know we love you, no matter what, right?"

"I know."

She gave his hand a squeeze and walked towards the door. Before she walked out she turned.

"Thank you for talking to me, Az. Its a hard thing to talk about. I- I'm really proud of you.