A Court of Flame and Shadow (Azriel x eris)

Chapter 4: Azriel

He hadn't left the library since Feyre had left him. He had occupied his time by wandering through the stacked, running his had over the spines of the booked, admiring the murals. He awaited the impending lecture from Rhysand with the same amount of enthusiasm one would have to eat dirt. 

But, he knew, it was something that must be discussed. His behavior had been unforeseen, and somewhat unforgivable. 

He had reached the loft level of the library when the heavy mahogany doors opened, and his High Lord slipped in. With a heavy heart, he descended the stairs to meet him.

"High Lord." He addressed him politely, with a nod of the head, as close to a bow as he had ever let them get. 

"Why are you speaking like that? Don't make this weird!"

Azriel raised his eyebrows.

"You aren't in trouble. Feyre said you were... struggling, and thought you might like to chat. If you don't want to, that's fine."

Azriel shrugged, flopping into a chair. An invitation to Rhys that he needed to talk, said in the secret language they never discussed. 

Rhys took the chair opposite his. He let out a long breath.

"You never made it back last night. Where were you?" He knew he didn't need to answer, that it was all a question, never a demand. The was the way it was with his High Lord. 

Azriel swallowed. He glanced up at Rhys, who had a calm expression of his face.

He would tell him the truth. Maybe not the whole truth, but a much as he could stomach. It was a storm that had been brewing for 500 years, something that needed to be discussed since it happened. He could trust Rhys, but if he knew everything, would Rhys trust him?

"In the forest. At Under the Mountain."

"For work, or..?"

Azriels silence was answer enough. 

"With Gwyn?"

"Ha!" A laugh burst out of him before he could stop it. "No! Gods, no." He shook his head with humor, despite the lack of hilarity in the situation. "No. Not Gwyn, no."

Rhys raised his eyebrows in concern.

"Then who?"

He walked around to stand next to Azriel.

"You know you can tell me anything? As a brother, not a High Lord."

Azriel sighed. There was no way to tell him the full truth without getting political. That being said, He and Eris had agreed not to let their relationship intervene with their work. But, with Eris being heir to Autumn, there really wasn't any way around it. Again, the question, truth or lie?

Azriel stood and made his way over to the long windows, basking in the midday sun. He stretched his wings, letting the warmth coat them. 

"That bad, huh?"

"Mmh."

Rhys leaned on the window. The look on his face told him he wasn't going to give this up, for his own good.

"Its not exactly a little thing, Rhys. At all. Its all way bigger than I want it to be." He turned to meet his eye. "I can't tell you everything. I can't. But, I can answer your questions."

"Okay... Was this a... romantic thing?"

"Yes." His voice shook, his breathing tight.

"And you weren't with Gwyn, or Mor or Elain, because they were with us."

Azriel nodded slowly, rubbing at his chest. It felt like someone was squeezing his lungs, tighter and tighter.

"Did you meet a female from another court, and that's why you had to meet on neutral ground?"

Oh gods. "Not-" A shallow breath. "Not quite."

Rhys furrowed his brows in thought, murmuring to himself. Azriel slowly walked, hating the suffocating feeling in his chest. It was something he only felt when he was truly scared. So why did he feel it now, when he should feel the most safe? He stood with the person he had trusted longest, who he would never betray, and he felt like a liar. A traitor.  Why should he feel afraid? Feyre told the truth, they would all love him no matter what. So why did it feel like the life was being choked out of him?