Ymir's Necklace: The Secret You Hold | Levi x Reader

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LEVI'S POV

It had gotten hard to sleep for Levi. And it had never been easy; throughout most of his life, he had struggled with insomnia. The only moments of good, deep restful nights remoted back to when his mother was still alive, and the most recent nights he had been so lucky to share with you.

Your presence beside his body: your warmth and quiet company had become essential tranquilizers in his life - a constant reassurance, a glimpse of momentary happiness. A happiness that had been taken from his arms so abruptly, so unjustly.

That night, as his head rested on his pillow, Levi realized what true mental exhaustion felt like. It wasn't like his Captain days, back when he also had to take care of people he trusted and loved.

This felt different - a different kind of agony that flushed through his veins. It physically hurt him, as he extended his arms. But nothing but the empty bed made contact with his cold hands.

Levi was drowning in emptiness and longing. God, he had been longing for your from the moment his eyes had met yours for the first time at the camp.

But this longing was accompanied by your absence, which felt as if a sharp dagger had sliced through his chest, destroying his ability to feel in the process.

Levi knew you would make it back to him. He was certain he would see you again, although  the conditions and context in which this would happen, that... he wasn't so certain about. He still felt helpless, from the moment they had taken you, to every day that had gone by without you.

But his helplessness was not and would never be hopelessness. Not after Mikasa's words. Not after the two intense days of training and planning he haf endured.

Levi knew, without a doubt, that your eyes would meet his the following day. And as he began picturing that awaited moment of connection, the so anticipated encounter of two bodies that so desperately needed each other, he allowed his eyelids to lay heavily on his tired eyes. The lack of light suddenly feeling so... alluring and comfortable.

So warm, like an old friend's hug. Like a warm cup of tea during winter. And so he felt his own body relax.

_____

The darkness slowly took shape of a much more familiar place. But it wasn't pleasing anymore - the foul smell and the dirt he felt around his body made him uncomfortable.

In honesty, he preferred the warm darkness before this. Anything before this filthy place, please, he thought to himself.

And so he realized were he was. It hit him so sharply, so suddenly he could feel his own breath hitch. Levu had not smelled that smell in so long. He had not seen those houses, heard those noises, feel such filthy surroundings.

Yet there he stood, sitting quietly on the floor, his arms around his knees as he brought some sort of comfort to himself. Levu could feel his own bones protruding, his skin completely decorated with dust.

Right in front of him stood a dusty mirror and suddenly, he looked at himself. Levi's lips parted in shock as his fingers traced his hollow cheeks.

How old am I? Am I back home?

Intense fear took over his body - a kind of fear he had only felt as a child. The fear that comes with absolute defeat, with completely accepting death.

Levi's eyes began to sting as his fingers continued to trace the dry skin of his face - he knew what would happen if he looked over to the bed that stood to his left. He knew who would be laying there if he decided to move his eyes just the slightest bit to the left. But he would not bare it. Levi would not allow himself to glance at his mother's corpse again.