A "fine" life

Chapter 39

"Angel?" A calm voice beckoned. The same calm voice I was trying to get away from. I struggled to be let loose. I went no where. I could not move. Why could I not move. Where was I anyway. Everything looked dark. That's when Jc's face came to veiw. "Are you okay?" I snapper back to reality.
I didn't need this. I didn't need anything, I just needed a way to escape. To leave. Not just here but anywhere. The thing is I was so tired of locking up. I had never put myself out there. I was quite and lost. Lost in a world of pain that I could not escape. I kept the me I was hidden and strive to become more like the me everyone desired me to be. And I was sick of it. I wanted to let go of everything and just be real. Find who I was, the real me. I wanted people to see what I saw. Keeping up this perfect image was too much. Can't they see I'm a broken girl living in this imperfect world. Can't they see I'm not happy here? No. They couldn't there is no way tye would if I stayed so locked up.
"Define okay." I said quitely to Jc. Maybe he'd catch what I mean. He just looked at me blank stare emotion barely stirring the life in his eyes. "I'm fine" yet another locked up lie. The one I had said so many times. I felt a chill as no words were said, the silence stirring every nerve I had.
But then I was engulfed with a warmth I hadn't felt in years. Jc was hugging me. I loved hugs. Not the side hugs that people give lightly or the hugs you give to family you barely remember, but the hug you give to best friends when you see them for the first time in a while. The hug someone gives you when they miss you. The hug you get when your equally excited to see eachother. The hug you get when both people care. I love those hugs. They're so warm. Other hugs are empty, meaniningless those I shy away from, afraid of the cold touch. But the warm hugs that I love. And that Jc did. He pulled me close and game me a long squeeze almost like he was pulling all my broken parts back together. My heart that shattered finnaly was getting picked up.
But is he doing this for me? Or for Connor? Is life just an act. How do I know he cares deeply or is just here for me. I don't. Can I trust him? I mean he did leave me behind.
I didn't know. I did know I felt alone, and right at this moment I didn't think I should. So I put my head on his chest and hugged back and I stayed there. Tears bubbling up slightly.
When we finnaly broke apart Jc looked at me. Wiped the few tears escaping down my cheek, and walked me over to my bed where we sat. We just talked. Talked for hours. We watched all my favorite movies on Netflix and we just laughed. I remember looking at the clock around 3 a.m. and wandering why we are doing this. But at that moment I was happy and everything made sense.