A "fine" life

Chapter 18

Cousins how? My family's complicated but seriously how could I not know my cousins? I'm freaking 17 and didn't know I had any other family than Grammy. Seriously! I wander if there's! any one there my age. I would really like a friend. I guess a sibling is close enough.

What if my family doesn't like me? Will they notice my scars? Will I be sent away. Will I go to rehab. Will they care? Will they love me? Will they beat me? Hurt me, or be abusive in anyway? Will they pay attention to me? What if they ditch me? Will I have to go to school?

Questions flooded in my head. Do I really want to do this? Do I have a choice?

I stopped and stared into space. What if they notice my bulimia and anorexia? I need to stop but how I'll tell them I need rehab if it becomes a big problem. It's hard to eat and not purge I naturally throw up half the food I eat. It's hard just to eat. I'll start eating one thing a day. One piece of fruit. And I'll ramp it up maybe I can just be bulimic and not anorexic.

I needed to calm down, so I checked my YouTube. I watched my favorite video. " Why weight doesn't matter." By Danny Edge

By the end of the video I had cried myself dry. I commented. " I'm bulimic & anorexic. All I wanted was to be pretty. I started this years ago and now it's supper bad. I barley eat and when i do it doesn't stay down. I wish I'd never started this but now I can't stop. I'm trying to eat but I can't. I'm going to live with some family I've never met. I'm scared they'll send me away. I have scars and obviously I'm sick. I was a stupid middle schooler and I messed up my high school years too. The only one I've dated dumped me for a skinnier girl. That's when this started. I love him he was the only one I had he's not close anymore. I feel so sad that I want to end life now. But something stops me. My bones look strong but they hide I'm broken. I'm scared I want to live but I don't know what for. I'm all alone in this world. " I hit post and closed my eyes and dosed off to sleep.

I awoke to the banker on the phone. He looked at me sighed and said " plane leaves in 4hours we need to leave in 3hrs. Need to do anything ? Do it soon!" plane that means I'm going far away. I don't want to leave. I faced timed Jc.

We talked for 2hrs. And 30 minutes until my smile faded. " Jc I'm leaving to go live with my cousins idk where but it's far. I love you and good bye." I said he looked shocked. A tear went down his cheeks and he said" bye my love."

I finished getting ready to go. Then me and the banker got in car to head to the airport. I looked at him and stared off in silence. When I got to the airport I refused to look or listen to where I was going I needed a mystery. I boarded the plane plugged in my ear phones and waited as i flew on.