Fate

Chapter 187

Mina's P.O.V.
"I'll do everything you want, Beautiful."
I was both thrilled and anxious. What if he enjoyed this and I hated it?
"Keep your eyes on me."

I could see his reflection, arms going over my head, hands stopping at eye level, the fabric inches from me. The sheerness of the mesh let me see him, with some difficulty, but I still denoted the frame of his glasses, the lightness of his hair, and his lips. It felt like the ghost of him at first.
Why wasn't he bringing it closer?
"Joon, why did you stop?"

"Just checking."
A kiss on my temple.
"Still comfortable?"

"It's different.."
I rested my hands on his wrists, gently pushing them until the fabric rested on the bridge of my nose.
"But keep going."

"Very well.."
He finally wrapped it around my head and carefully tied it.
"Let me secure it.."
He lifted my hair over the knot and our eyes met through the mirror.
"Let's get started then."

I wanted to focus on him, on his shadow through the glass, my sense of touch kicked into overdrive. What typically felt like a light touch, made my heart flutter. I could only trust the sensations on my skin to hint at what he was doing.
Him pulling my bra off, playing with the hem of my panties.
His breath on my nape kept me alert. Lowering the garment till they touched the floor, his gaze followed. A peck on my spine made me shiver. His fingers brushed against a somewhat numb area on my lower back.
"What are you touching?"

Even by my thighs, I heard him almost as clear as I would inches away.
"You, obviously."

Ah.. Your lips moving up my spine are driving me crazy. I grabbed a hand of his and turned around.
"Are you gonna f*ck me or not, because my legs are getting weak the more time you take to throw me on the bed."

"Wow.. impatient much?"
Was that genuine surprise in his voice? He swept me off my feet and did as I asked. Thrown on the mattress before he climbed on top of me. His eyes, I couldn't see them. The darker frame of his glasses, yes. Not the irises, not the pupils.. How could I tell how he felt? I needed his gaze.
"Kitten?"

I'm missing a lot. I'm craving so much. "Kiss me, touch me, scratch me.. Do something!"

Was it panic or thrill? Even I couldn't tell. I clung to him for dear life while he tried to kiss my soul, supporting the back of my head with his hand. It'd get deeper and sweeter as time passed. I was so dazed, my sight served no purpose.
My hands went to his underwear to find it missing. It was off? I didn't hear. How could I not?
Why was light shining? Wasn't it dark? Then a finger by my ear pulled off what obstructed my view, before kissing me again so softly. A hand caressing my hair. His body wasn't on top of me, but beside me.
"You can't wear this.."

I'm such an idiot. "Why not?"

His behaviour felt off, overly gentle. "You look terrified."

Did I? He wouldn't look at me this way when his eyes were covered.
"You were enjoying yourself."

"Not the point. You didn't say stop, but your face did."
A pause.
"Unless I'm missing something here, I'm pretty good at figuring what your expressions mean."

And.. I.. removed the mask.
"It's scary.. I thought we were touching eachother a lot more.. It's so cold. If your lips are on mine and I can't see, how do I know what you're doing?"

"Kitten.."
Do NOT put that hand on my cheek. I'll melt. Don't. I'm done for..
"That's kind of the point.. Not having control."

My personality disorder followed me to the bedroom? No. No, no, no.
"Keep going."

His eyes went wide and he shook his head. "No chance."

"Namjoon-"

He made my whole body face him.
"That's not something I'm willing to do."
Why's my vision blurry? I could see just fine.
"I can't have you in tears for such a frivolous thing."
His touch was so faint, like a kiss from the wind.
"If you still want to be intimate, I can show you how gentle I can be.. For your eyes to see and engrave in your memory. How's that?"

Leaving his arms wouldn't cross my mind.. I wanted reassurance.
"I need it.. Very much so."

Namjoon's P.O.V.
I described everything she wouldn't be able to see.. Inserting myself, when I started to move, when I'd lift her leg, putting my hands on her glutes.. Anything. I realized that deep and slow could be as entertaining.. and could last a lot longer.
One thing I'd never done was so intimate.. On our side, her head cradled by my nape, my fingers in her hair, our bodies intertwined. The thrusts were shallow,  but the closeness was insane... More than half of her body touched mine. The hostess embrace you'd ever get. Fuck... You didn't need to hold a sense hostage to feel more. It could be done this way.
It wasn't the kind of sex that'd release the expected physical reaction for me. I doubt it did for her either, but it wasn't lesser for it.
"That's the expression I enjoy seeing."

Her soft smile and tired eyes were so beautiful.
"Right.. Better than a deer in headlights."

Clearly. "You're adorable when relaxed, as is."

It took everything for her lips to move away from my neck to meet mine. That tired her out? Damn. They stayed millimeters away, her mouth brushing against mine as she spoke. "Do we have to speak about this whole thing now, or can we wait until tomorrow?"

It's not anything to urgently discuss. We should. We would. My fingers ran down her back. "Can you wait? Do you want to?"

"Am I in trouble or is it a conversation?"

As if I'd be upset with her.
"Felt safe?"

She nodded. "Never thought the opposite."

"That's what matters.. Why would you be in trouble? No is no. Discomfort is no. I will never pester you into trying it again. Never."

A frown. "Namu..you never pestered me. I wanted to.. I'm upset that I didn't feel at ease."

That's putting it lightly! She hadn't used that nickname in weeks. Dear, gorgeous woman.. How could you not notice? 
"Moon-ah.. Let me be blunt."
She waited.
"You looked like a prey caught in their predator's claws. That's how I felt."
Should I?
"When I asked who hurt you, it was a genuine question."

A kind smile.
"So you know."
I did. Stef told me. Don't ask me how I managed to contact the guy. Meg refused to answer me. Girl code.
"I can't have my hands restrained."

An ex pinned them against her will.
"Never thought of doing it."
Her nails against my back were hotter.

"I'm not putting anything over my eyes again."

"Perfectly fine with me, Kitten."
She looked so surprised.
"You enjoy when I'm blinded by a tie or have my hands tied. I love when you ride me and I can't see or touch because the image in my mind is thrilling. I'm fine being submissive if it's with you. We need to do slow sex more often. It was great."

"Aren't we having sex, basically, on the daily?"

"Not my fault that your sex drive is as high as mine."
She choked out a laugh.
"What?"

"I have restraint. You don't."

Wait.. "You mean that we could be doing it more? What are we waiting for?"

"Not today! Go work on a song or something. Night's early."

Yeah, right. I pulled her closer. "Want me to leave? Bed will grow cold."

She snuggled in. "Stop making great f*cking points, Joonie."

"You're right. I make great FUCKING points."

"Namjoon!"
Try to shut me up, babe. Try me.