Fate

Chapter 86

Namjoon's POV
"What are you doing in my closet, Foxy?" She was taking a careful look at every piece I owned, still in her underwear. I wasn't gonna complain, mind you.

"You wear 32x36 sized pants right?"

I frowned. "Most of the time to have some give, but I believe I have some 30x36 too. Why? If you want sweatpants, they're in my drawers. Might be better if you're trying to wear my clothes around the house."

"Oh, it wasn't for around the house. I see a lot of straight leg ones, but you're a loose fit guy. Where are those?"

"Those are my business pants." I laughed going to the other side of my closet. "These are my everyday ones. The waist might be too big, but the rest should fit nicely." She had a 28 inch waist, but 38 inch hips. She always had that 10 inch difference no matter her size which made looking for pants an annoying task. I put a pair against her waist and pulled at the leg. "Yeah, space for your pretty thighs. You can still wear my sweatpants too."

I made her dimple show. "If I must. I can wear them to practice with Hyejin tomorrow if you'd like."

I very much would. However, I still didn't get it. "You're raiding my closet to go to the art store?"

She did tiny jumps. "Yeah! I want to push the dress up thing to the extreme. If they know it's me, what would be the point of hiding except fun hair?"

"Sure?" I couldn't get her at times. I was only glad she was in a great mood. "Do your thing, babe." Experiment. It took her an hour to put the wig on and to put makeup. "If anyone knows it's you, they're masterminds."

With my clothes.

And that wig. I looked at the picture on the bag, then at her. She altered her brow shape slightly, did her eyes like I did when I had makeup for interviews. It was impressive. "How do you feel?"

Looking at herself in my mirror, she was flapping her hands in contempt. "Like the best masculine version of myself. It's great!"

I dressed up and handed her a coat, hat and scarf of mine. "Then have fun with it. Put your stuff in the pockets and we're good to go."

"You're coming with me?" Did she expect anything else? "I told you I'd do anything to take care of you and your safety as much as I can. When I say it, I mean it."

She glanced down. "I appreciate that." I stopped her from putting her mask on. "What?"

I kissed her. "Can't blow your cover out there." Another. "I'm dopamine deficient."

Her mouth opened. "Wha- the irony of that statement, sir."

She was the one with the deficiency.
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.
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Walking outside, she was vigilant of her surroundings, but confidently striding next to me. "Can I ask you a few questions?"

She shrugged. "Sure. Is it about the art piece?"

"It's one of them." I smiled. "I wanted to ask why you felt so comfortable dressed like that? Why not as a woman you don't look like?"

She observed herself. "Well.. I look like me? With feminine makeup, I look like me with different makeup here. You'd give me away too. It'd be obvious." She played with the end of her scarf. "Honestly, my first thought was that I had a possibility to embody the gender I never quite got to try out?"

I grew curious. "You've wanted to be a man at times? I can't think I wanted to be a woman. Wear a dress for fun and giggles, sure, but BE one?"

She chuckled. "Who would? Non equal pay, periods, childbirth, medical malpractice and gaslighting.. The fashion is to make it seem nice!" She fixed her coat. "I don't know. I'm born female. I present as a woman to people and I'm very happy with that, but when I'm alone I don't feel like I have a gender, you know? Like when I'm sitting around on my phone, I don't feel like a man or a woman. I feel like a human scrolling."

That was interesting. I tried to think of when I'm doing the same. "I don't think I stop being and feeling like a man at any point."

She nodded. "You don't have to. You don't have to understand how I feel either. That's just how it is for me."

I never questioned her feelings. Far from it. "I acknowledge them. So.. on the gender spectrum, where do you stand?"

"You're really asking?" Surprise was written all over her face. She answered picking up the colours she wanted. "I'd say... 56% woman, 34% none, 10% man? I love using masculine energy in my clothes or in my dancing, but it stops there. Dressed like that it's fun, but I don't have any gender envy."

That was another conversation I never thought we'd have. "Good to know you might steal from my closet more often than I expected." I looked around, no windows, no one around.

I kissed her cheek as fast as lightning. She covered it. "My cover."

"I'll uncover every inch of you when we get back, trust me."

"We'll see about that." Her eyes grinned. "Want to know about the paintings?"

There's an S to that? "Talk my ears off, I'm ready!"