Evermore :||: Nick & Charlie

Chapter 20: I'm Sorry You're Scared, the Feeling is Shared

Charlie's POV
Two weeks later

It's October now and I haven't been to school in almost three weeks. Nothing I do seems good enough anymore. As much as I try, I always seem to mess things up.

Nick and I get into a little fight. He was trying to get me to eat something after finding out I hadn't eaten in a few days and I yelled at him. The fight wasn't that serious, but I knew he needed time to cool off, and so did I. We ended up not talking for a few days, but eventually, I snuck over to his house and we cuddled in his bed for a few hours.

My mom is beyond angry with me. She thinks I'm being lazy, but I genuinely can't get out of bed.

I know Tori is worried as she checks to see if I'm okay at least every hour.

It feels like I haven't left this bed in days.

I can't leave this bed.

Nick came over yesterday and sat on the chair near my desk. He knows that something isn't right, I mean, it's kinda obvious to everyone, well, everyone but my mom.

Anyway, he came over and just watched me. Not in a weird way or anything, but I could definitely tell that he was worried. I think he's scared of leaving me alone. I don't blame him. My self harm has gotten out of control like everything else in my life, but I haven't told him that.

The only time I get out of bed is to go into the bathroom to harm myself. I gave up on eating, it just takes too much effort these days. Everything takes too much effort.

I don't want to feel like this anymore.

I don't want to feel anything anymore.

Nick decided to come over again today after school. When he came into my room, he took off his shoes and set his bag down before sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"How are you feeling today?" He asks.

"Fine." I tell him, clearly lying, but this response usually makes Nick drop whatever it is he's gonna ask or tell me.

"I love you."

"I love you too." My voice is monotone. I can't even be bothered to put genuine emotion behind those words even though I know I love Nick.

He leans over and kisses my forehead before getting up and grabbing his bag. He sits at my desk and takes out his homework. I stare at the wall, unable to move. Honestly, it feels like I haven't even taken a breath or blinked.

Hours pass and Nick sits in my room, just like he did yesterday. I know I should tell him to leave or say something to him, but I just can't. The four words I've already said to him took almost everything out of me.

I hear him get up from the chair before sitting down on my bed again. He fidgets with his fingers for a little bit before looking at me.

"It's getting kinda late, so I think I'm gonna go. Call me if you need anything." Without another word, Nick gets up. He walks back over to my desk and starts collecting his things. He starts to put his shoes on and as much as I want to say something to him, I can't bring myself to do it.

I lay there and watch as he walks out of my room, shutting the door behind him. I can't move, I don't want to move either.

Minutes go by and I finally feel myself blink.

There's a knock on my door, but I lay there, silent. I hear the door open.

"Charlie, dinner's ready." I hear my dad say. I don't say anything. "I could make you a plate and bring it up to you if you'd like." I know he's trying to help, but the thought of eating food right now is making me physically sick.