Evermore :||: Nick & Charlie

Chapter 26: I'll Face Myself

Charlie's POV
A few weeks later

It's officially been a month since I've been away getting treatment. I've had some extremely hard days, but I'm quickly learning that the more therapy I have and the more I work on bettering myself, the less bad days I tend to have in a row.

I've had regular therapy appointments two times a week and they've actually finally diagnosed me with something. I have anorexia and OCD. The anorexia part came as no surprise to me as I knew I have issues with eating, but the OCD part is what shook me a little. My therapist said that oftentimes the two things go hand in hand as I get a compulsion and most times, it stops me from eating, which makes a lot of sense.

I haven't told Nick yet as I just found out yesterday, but I also just needed some time to sit with it myself. It's nice to finally have answers to questions I've been wondering for years now, but at the same time, it's really scary.

I know people with OCD battle compulsions their whole life and it'll always be there. There's things I can do to make the compulsions less debilitating, but they'll never go away completely and that's the scary part. It's the not knowing when it'll get bad again that's stuck in my mind.

When I finally feel ready, I walk up to the nurse's desk. Fidgeting with my fingers, I nervously ask a question I've asked about a thousand times.

"Can I make a phone call?"

"Of course, Charlie." I smile as she stands up, leading me into the room where we can make phone calls in private, well, almost in private. They do have a nurse stand in with us while we're on the phone, but they don't say or do anything. I think they're only there for safety purposes to be honest.

I sit down on the floor in front of the couch and dial Nick's number. As I wait for him to answer, I start to feel a little nervous to tell him. It's not that I don't think he'll support me, because obviously he will, it's more just the fact that this will be the first time I've said these words out loud.

I have anorexia.

I have OCD.

"Hey! How are you?" Nick's voice is bright, making me instantly smile and my nerves calm down a bit.

"I'm doing okay. How are you?" I ask back.

"I'm doing well. What've you been up to today?"

"Oh, just some art therapy and mostly lounging with some of the other people here. It's been a good day."

"I'm really glad to hear that, Char. I've been stuck doing homework all afternoon. I swear, maths makes me feel like the dumbest person ever." He groans, making me laugh.

"Maybe you should bring your homework the next time you see me. You know I can help you."

"I know, I know, but I really would rather be hanging out with you than doing my homework." We both laugh, but when I stop laughing, I pause for a few seconds. "Are you okay?" He asks me, noticing my longer than intended pause.

"Yeah, yeah. I just-" I take in a deep breath. "I actually called to tell you something."

"Are you coming home?" He asks, his voice sounding hopeful. I hate that I have to tell him that's not what I need to tell him.

"Um... no, not yet, but yesterday, they gave me a diagnosis." My voice starts to shake, so I take another few deep breaths, calming myself down. It's something I learned in therapy, and it surprisingly helps.

"They did? What did they say?"

"They said that I have anorexia, which I kinda already had a hunch that was the case, but there's more." I pause again. I really don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this.