Drunk
"Buntis ba daw talaga?" naninuguradong tanong ni Lui kay Lory. Kanina pa nag-uusap ang dalawa sa gilid habang may pinag-uusapan rin kami nina Nathan.
Naagaw ang atensyon ko ng dalawa. Bahagyang tumigil si Lory nang mapansin akong nakatingin sa kanila.
"Ano bang pinag-uusapan niyo?" usisa ni Kisses na sa tingin ko ay narinig rin ang dalawa. Napansin ko ang pag-iling ni Lui at pag-iwas ng tingin sa akin.
Kumunot ang noo ko. Para bang may gusto silang sabihin kaso nag-dadalawang isip.
"Ano 'yun Lui?" tanong ko.
Tumingin siya kay Lory kaya bumaling rin kami dito. Napansin ko na tila kinakabahan ito. All of us now are curiously waiting for them to talk.
"It's about Selena. I heard she's pregnant. Konti pa lang ang nakakaalam...."
I heard the surprise in the reactions of our friends.
I was confused when I looked at her. What's the problem if she's pregnant? Lory noticed my reaction.
"Our friends are saying that Elias is the father of her pregnancy." Paliwanag nito. Bakas pa ang pag-iingat sa bawat salita na sasabihin.
I barely managed to close my mouth and fell silent. Every time they're talking about Elias, I always chose to be silent. I don't want to talk about him. Even mentioning his name.
"Are they really dating? Akala ko rumor lang?" tanong ni Kisses.
"I mean Selena and Elias." Paglilinaw nito.
"As far as I know, they were in a relationship before." Si Nathan habang nakatingin sa'kin.
"It's they're choice. Malaki na sila. Let's stop talking about other people's life here." Natatawa kong sabi sa kanila. The words were stuck in my throat, and it felt like I would get chocked just by talking about them. I looked away when I saw Lory's gaze.
I'll took something to drink to relieve the dryness in my throat.
Nakatulala ako sa kisame ng kwarto ko habang iniisip ang mga sinabi nila. Kanina pa iyon, ngunit tila hindi maalis sa isip ko.
I sighed heavily. I see it coming. Naririnig ko rin ang tungkol sa kanila ni Selena noon. I always ignored it. Kapag kasi iniisip ko ito, parang nawawala ako sa concentration at para akong mag-kakasakit.
This is what I chose, I am the one who wants this. That's why I can't get mad at him.
Mariin akong pumikit at hinilot ang pagitan ng noo ko. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa nainom ko kung bakit parang ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko.
I sighed heavily and rested my arm on my eyes. I can no longer hold back the pain. I can't name what kind of pain I'm feeling. My tears are slowly falling. All I can hear is my own sobbing. It feels like I don't know who is crying. Maybe this is really the karma of those who choose to hurt others because of their selfishness. They are the ones who remain in pain.
This is the first time I've cried since the day I decided to give up on him. It's been a year since our breakup. Pero parang naiwan ako sa panahong iyon.
Kung may pagkakataon ba akong bumalik sa nakaraan, paano kung hinayaan ko ang sarili ko na mag-depende sa kanya. Magiging masaya ba ako? Kami pa rin ba hanggang ngayon?
Mariin kong hinawakan ang singsing na bigay niya. I can't throw it. Mas maigi sigurong noon ko pa ito binalik sa kanya. Siguro ito ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ako maka-usad. I want to forget him.
"Bakit mo ba gusto maka-usap Rai?" seryosong tanong ni Luigi. I went to him after my work.
I saw a hint of concern on her face. She took a deep breath and faced me.
