Admiring From Afar (BkDk)

28 - 'Maybe Don't'

A/N: I wrote this instead of my English essay so please pray for me.

"We should never speak again
Because I like you
And lately it's been only getting worse
So we should never speak again
Because I want to
I've run through every outcome
And in every one I'm hurt"

Izuku POV
I wake up in bed to the sound of my phone ringing. I groan as I roll over and pick it up.

"What?" I say in a groggy voice.

"Damn you sound like shit." I hear a laugh as I roll my eyes.

"Very funny Kacchan, why are you calling me so early?" I ask.

"Felt like it, got a fucking problem?" I scoff at his answer.

"I will hang up on you." I threaten.

"Lame."

"I should hang up on you." I mock once again.

"Maybe don't then?" He mocks right back.

"Whatever, bye." I say right before hanging up. I let out a sigh as I stare at the ceiling. That was the weirdest phone call ever. Ever since we kissed, everything has been so strange between us. I've been avoiding him all week and this was the first I've spoken to him in a while.

I then receive another phone call, this time from Ochako.

"I heard you finally spoke to Bakugou, is that true?" She asks inquisitively.

"Yeah, he just called me, how'd you know?" I ask back.

"I overheard him in the kitchen muttering to himself about you." She says with a giggle as I blush slightly.

"To be honest, I want him but I'm scared." I confess and I hear her sigh.

"That's cause you run from what you want, you always have. You put others first and don't consider yourself." She explains as I take a deep breath.

"I'm not saying I'm wrong, but you may be right." I say with a sigh as she chuckles. "I can't sleep without thinking about my conversations with him."

"You used to talk like every night on the phone, and now without that your insomnia is crazy bad." Ochako says with a groan as I clench my teeth. "Go talk to him, for all of our sakes."

"Fine." I say before hanging up. I let out a sigh as I get up and dressed in a simple tshirt and baggy jeans. I head out the door to Kacchan's dorm room quickly and quietly. I knock hesitantly on the door and it's quickly opened.

"Nerd? What're you doing here?" He asks with a brow raised at my sudden appearance. "You sounded really annoyed when I called you. I assumed you were still ignoring me."

"I know, and I'm sorry but—" Before I can finish my sentence, he grabs my arm and pulls me into his dorm room. The door is slammed as he stares me down.

"Look, I know that you're insecure, especially after what my bitch of a sister did to you. But your expectations aren't about us, they are about your past." He takes a deep breath before continuing. "You keep deciding things about us: kissing me and forgetting, kissing me again and then ignoring me for a week. Why shouldn't I get a say in these things?" He finally asks.

"I just...I don't know." I admit honestly as he sighs.

"I think it could be different if you let it." He says before taking a step closer to me. He rests his hand on my chin as he stares into my eyes.

"I mess things up because I'm scared of messing myself up." I say as I look into his eyes with sincerity. "If you could just go back to how you used to be I could forget about you." I mutter under my breath, unintentionally saying it out loud.

"I heard that you know." He whispers to me as I nod.

"I just think I should always be alone." I say through a sigh.

"Don't think like that nerd." He whispers again as his grip on my chin becomes more firm.

"The more I think it through, I'm running out of reasons to push you aside." I whisper back. He smirks at my statement as I stare at his lips again. I can't stop myself from wanting to kiss him. No matter how much I try not to think about it, I just think about it more.

"Just fucking kiss me already." He says breathily. I immediately wrap my hand around the back of his neck and push our lips together in a rapid motion. His arms wrap around my torso as mine sit around his neck. The kiss is slow but passionate.

When we finally pull away, we just stare into each other's eyes again. He pants slightly as I take a deep breath. I pull him in for another kiss and it heats up rather quickly. Our lips move slowly against each other as our bodies are pressed together. My eyes are squeezed shut as I feel him holding me tightly.

We pull away once again, this time even more out of breath. He leans in again but I stop him. "Wait, just wait." I say breathily.

"You okay?" He whispers as he holds my face in his hand.

"Yeah, I just...need a moment." I whisper back as I regain my composure.

"It's okay, take your time." He whispers.

"Kacchan?"

"Yes?" He responds, enamored by my face it seems.

"What...what are we?" I say hesitantly. He appears surprised by my question as he pauses for a moment.

"What do you want us to be?" He whispers in my ear. I flush at his words as I feel his hot breath on my skin.

"I...don't know." I whisper back. "I'm not sure I'm ready."

"Well, do you want me?" He says breathily as I gulp. My face turns red as he stares into my eyes with his hand still delicately on my chin.

"I-I..." I try to come up with a response but nothing comes out. I think over and over again but still, nothing. I glance to his hand, then to his lips, then to his eyes. They seem sincere as we lock eye contact.

"I don't know." I finally mutter. I pull away from his grasp and run out of the room. For some reason, I start to cry. I can't help it as the tears pour out of my eyes heavily and don't let up even when I finally reach my dorm room.

I take a deep breath as I slam the door. I lean against the wall as I fall to my knees sobbing. Why can't I just love him like I did before, why does it feel different now?

My love for him is stronger and more precious. I can't help but think about him at all hours of the day. He never leaves my brain or my thoughts. Nothing about him can be forgotten, not now, not ever.

His face is forever etched into my memory. His laughter engrained in my ears. His kiss still traces across my lips. I can still taste his sweetness in my mouth. I can still feel his hand on my chin, and his touch on my waist.

But even now, why can't I just bring myself to say it out loud?