POEM'S with no title

Poem 48 (I broke the promise i made to myself)

~I broke the promise i made to myself
~I did it again
~But why am i not feeling anything ?
~Back then i know i felt something
~But now it's nothing
~Even my academics agree with it
~I've lost my mind already
~And i broke that promise to myself again
~So i guess what's next ?
~Because i feel like
~I don't have the energy to converse anything
~But i still smile
~And I don't even know why ?
~What in the world is wrong with me ?
~Did i do something again ?
~It's starting to sting now
~I want to feel all of it
~As i keep repeating that motion again
~Overlapping on the tad one
~Maybe high schools getting the best of me
~But the thing is
~I don't want to let it yet
~That's what i've felt since then
~How do i let go of it yet ?
~Maybe that is all i am
~It's the truth , isn't it ?
~Maybe it is , i know enough to feel it
~I'll gladly help my friends just as it is
~But i swore I won't let anyone who knows me
~Find out about any of it
~So until i know i've stopped doing that
~I realize now about the fact
~When my father shouted at me
~Saying -"You'll never understand me"
~I replied -"I guess i never really will"
~After that act ended with no credits
~I felt like a void of something
~I knew it is true but
~I made efforts to fix it
~I guess that broken things can be repaired
~But broken people don't need any of that
~Efforts made with blood sweat & tears
~I'm tired of carrying all of it
~Can i make it disappear forever
~Or shall i leave this mortal realm
~And disappear for everyone's goodness
~Only god knows what i might do next
~But he's just not in his right mind
~After all he's just a son & husband & brother & cousin
~But also a father as well
~Justifying everything i've been through since i got stuck here again
~But i guess
~It doesn't matter if i wish for anything to happen right ?

Hint :-Poem -23