POTS ~ The struggle of standing

|| 33 ||

Juno's pov:

Eternity is a funny thing. To never run out of time. A couple more minutes pass. To never be late. To never get judged for taking your time or be behind schedule. Eyes green as the forest, tearing up with the colours of the ocean. To accept that things take time. To lay a little longer in bed. That they will continue to do so, until something is done about it. No one says anything. Until we start talking again.  Juno opens his mouth. Of our deepest regrets and accomplishment. Closes it again. Of our understanding of eternity. Takes a deep breath. Of ourselves and each other.

"Edwin, could you get Eliot's water for him, please?" Juno asked politely.

Edwin took a water bottle from the backpack on the bench and put it by Eliot's side. Hazel's cousin had quite a few feminine features about him. Oh, he thought to himself, he shouldn't assume. They had a lot of the same features as Hazel.

Eliot was mumbling to himself. He sighted.  "3 weeks..."

"Pardon?" Edwin articulated.

Eliot looked past Edwin and him, to Hazel, still at the same spot, not knowing what to do with themself. Apparently she understood, for she nodded. Her shoulders falling down with their smile going up. She took a step forwards. Her eyes now still. Grounding herself by making nail marks in her index finger.

"Not fainting for 3 weeks, huh?. That's quite a long time. Must be in the top 10."

This was the Hazel we knew. The caring and unselfish attitude towards others. Unlike himself. Only doing anything, if he can get something out of it.

Juno should have done more, he thought to himself. He had known Eliot for months now, and he still couldn't do anything more than just stand there and watch as Eliot laid on the ground. As he looked at the gravel next to the person he would still call his sunshine, his mind began to wander down a different gravel path. He couldn't even look at Ellie.

How pathetic.

'I cannot find the words to describe what I feel for you. Even less myself. I suffer so that you don't have to. Smiling when you look my way. My suffering does not exist. My unwillingness to share my past and experiences does not help you. My actions speak for themselves. They speak of ruin and agony. Of pain and misogyny. Of silence and flattery. Of everything i try not to be. Of myself.'

Maybe Juno's shoulders wouldn't be so heavy, if he shared his burdens. Maybe Juno wouldn't have to stand at the edge of a cliff, reassuring people like Hazel that he had lots of space to move around. That he wasn't near falling. That he could give more space up on the cliff, for those more in need of it, that himself.

The three helped Eliot with what he asked of them, and went their separate ways. Hazel went with Eliot to make sure he got to his next class without problems. Edwin followed Hazel suit, not knowing what to do with themselves.

Juno had his next class in the other building.

He said his goodbyes.

In reality it was just him leaving. Leaving his friends to gather their own thoughts, while having an escape route. Juno couldn't really explain it. He wanted to be with them. To laugh and live with the people he cherished. At the same time it felt impossible. An overwhelming feeling flew past his heart as his back faced the three; his past, his present and his future.

As Juno turned the corner, of the stone-brick red walls, a handmade poster hang on a board. In the bottom is said that it was made by a psychology teacher. Or was it philosophy? It read: 'Many may speak of truth. Yet few speak of the consequences there off.'

(Hello my precious raindrops! (Yay! A fun new nickname)

It's been a while, huh? I've been up to my neck with things. Both fun and stressful. I want to do so many things, because I love exploring my world and learning new stuff. But I might have put on a bit too much at the moment. Adding that to the fact that I love saying yes to new things, I've come to the realisation that the list of things I'm doing has become too long. I'm going to cut down on some of my extra school, after school activities and having fewer weekend trips in general (even though I love them. I need to also have break days).

This is a reminder for the fact that you can't do everything at the same time - even if we so desperate want to... life is more than just accomplishments. It's a harsh reminder, yet nonetheless an important lesson:) )