𝐄𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐦; 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐱

55‣ 𝙘𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙜𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙩

2 months later;

Autumn seemed like a good gust of wind that lasted about seconds and suddenly, it was already Winter. Felix can't grasp the passage of time but he can grasp the fact that everything is perfect, perhaps too good for it to last but he doesn't let those fears haunt him these days. After that night with Hyunjin in the hotel, he swore never to doubt what they had, he couldn't bring himself to even think negatively of Hyunjin and his intentions after he had held him like that

Hyunjin had been the anchor he didn't know he needed but desperately did, and now that he had Hyunjin he wasn't going to ruin it with the haunting of his past or his fears, he had locked them up in a crypt and they will never see the light of day again. He had allowed himself to fall, to trust Hyunjin freely, and he does, he trusts Hyunjin more than he trusts himself

which seemed like a bad idea at first to him but now it feels like something that was always meant to be, he has more faith in Hyunjin than he has in the sun shining after it has sunk. Every night and every day is like a scene cut out from the most perfect fairytale rom-com movie possible, it doesn't feel real, the way it all fits like puzzle pieces is so odd to Felix but so incredibly mirthful at the same time that he just doesn't want to question it.

Living with Hyunjin is easy, it's easy in the way that it feels as though they've been together for years rather than having known each other only for a few months. Everything is a routine, it's a pattern, it's familiar, and nothing feels odd or uncomfortable, living with Hyunjin doesn't feel like sharing a home with a stranger which he initially was

it feels like living under the same roof as a lover

which he wasn't, or so Felix has to keep reminding himself every time he gets too carried away, every time he kisses Hyunjin longer than he should because there's a line he knows even he can't cross. People who sleep together don't just kiss each other randomly without any sexual intent, he has to keep telling himself it's not appropriate but then Hyunjin sweeps him around so romantically that he loses all track of warning and lets himself fall, like he allowed he would

Felix's feelings aren't blurry, he knows he prefers Hyunjin over any other romantic partner, he knows he doesn't want any other romantic partner apart from Hyunjin, but he doesn't want to accept the very obvious thump in his chest and the very obvious butterflies in his stomach. Even now, that he has allowed himself to trust Hyunjin, he still doesn't want to downright acknowledge that his hammering heart may be more than just excitement

'it's too soon for anything like that' he tells himself 'too soon for complication and feelings' he will keep reminding himself these statements as he falls asleep in Hyunjin's arms and wakes up against his chest, he will tell himself it's nothing like that as Hyunjin would sneak in the shower to kiss him, as they would cuddle on the couch with too much wine and laughter

he tells himself Hyunjin is precious to him but it's too soon to jump just now as they cook dinner together with music he had grown to like because Hyunjin likes it, as they watch the sunrise together after they have spent the entire night talking about nothing and everything. He will tell himself they don't know each other well enough and he's still healing from a breakup but then he will wear Hyunjin's favorite color without thinking of how much Chan liked him in it

he will put on Hyunjin's favorite lip gloss without thinking how much he hates the color on him, it's only worth it if Hyunjin says it tastes sweet and looks pretty. It's too soon, even if they are living together, sleeping on the same bed, drinking from the same glass, raising his pets like children, and kissing each other good morning, it's too soon right?

Lying on his side on the couch, draped with a fluffy grey blanket with his cat and dog pooling beside his feet and legs, Felix believes it is nonsense to be thinking of those thoughts, there is no need to wonder if it is soon or not to assume he has feelings for Hyunjin or if what he's feeling is just infatuation, whatever It is, there is no need to ponder it