Babe.

23.

Blanca.

I had forgotten how easy it was to just be myself. Yeah I could be myself around my friends but there was always someone watching and I was a massive coward. But right now there was no one there to see me and funnily enough I didn't really care that Benny did. It was saturday now we'd made a makeshift bed out of the big fat crash mats in the gym and some pillows from the library. It wasn't super comfortable but it was okay. 

And now I was sitting on the Baseball field with a can of coke on my head praying to god that Benny wasn't about to hit me in the face. "If you flinch it won't work!" Benny called swinging his arm to warm up. 

"If you hit me in the face I'll kill you." I called back screwing my eyes shut. I had no idea why I'd let him convince me to do this. 

"Have some faith Blanca." Benny said amused, "I'm making a career out of this remember? I have to have some kind of talent!"

"If that ball hits me in the face then I won't be beautiful enough for you to take me with you when you get famous." I reminded him panicking.

I shrieked as the the coke can flew off my head and sprayed open from the hard contact of Benny's fastball. "Looks like that won't be a problem." I heard him say as I finally opened my eyes. 

He walked towards me a shit eating grin on his face, grabbing my hands Benny hauled me to my feet, "told you I could do it." 

I rolled my eyes amused, "yeah yeah hot shot. Let's see how good of a teacher you are." 

He raised his eyebrows surprised, "are you saying that because you're sucking up to me or because you actually want to learn." 

I resisted the urge to squirm under the weight of his words, he knew me a little to well. But in this instance I actually did want to learn, who knows it might be fun. "I actually want to." I replied pulling my hands away embarassed. 

Benny nodded and picked up the ball, "let's see if you really are good at everything." 

I wasn't but I was a pretty fast learner, I'd forced myself to be one so now picking up new skills came a lot easier to me than they had. And when they didn't I just worked on them until they did anywyas.

"Alright," Benny started instructing, "aim towards a target and pull down on the seams using your index and middle fingers as you get close to release. A cue we like to use when throwing is to yank the ball down as hard as possible, as it should feel as if the ball shoots out of your hand." He demostrated and it flew across the pitch. That was going to be a hard act to top. 

I studied his hand positions on the ball carefully as he threw another one, once I was sure I'd memorised the technique I took the ball from him and gave it a try. I picked it up doing exactly what he had told me before throwing it. 

It was an okay throw, I guess it was alright for my first time but I held myself to a better standard than that. "Not bad Blanca." Benny commended clapping me on the shoulder. 

But 'not bad' was not good enough, I went to get the ball and told him to show it to me again, I watched his disgustingly perfect throw and how the ball sailed through the air. It wasn't good that I always needed to be the best especially in instances like now, where I couldn't possibly be. I didn't have Benny's insane talent.

I snatched the ball off the ground and tried again, this time it was a lot better, but still not quite as good as I wanted it to be. 

Benny. 

I watched as Blanca hurled the ball through the air, I had never seen anyone more determined to get their fastball so good, and she didn't even like baseball. I had no idea why she was trying so hard, esepcially when it did not matter in the slightest. But I had to admit her work ethic was pretty impressive because she did not give up. 

Her throws for her level were better than expected anyways, I was impressed with her skill, only it seemed like she wasn't. I knew she wasn't doing this out of a passion for the sport and rather a need to be perfect. Just like she liked to pretend she was. If she approached studying the same way she had approached this then it was no surprise she got good grades this girl would not give up.

Half an hour later I realised I had to stop this craziness before she lost it, I caught the ball she had thrown and pocketed it, "arlight lets do something else." I told her. 

Blanca frowned, "but I'm not finished practising yet."

I snorted, "oh yes you are. We're going to go and do something fun."

"This is fun." She replied quickly. 

"Liar liar pants on fire. We're going to do something else and that's final." I continued crossing my arms. 

"You're not the boss of me." Blanca shot at me annoyed as she placed her hands on her hips. 

"Maybe but I have the ball and I can garuatee you that practsing with thin air won't be very effective now lets go." I ordered clamping my hands down on her shoulders and walking her towards the school. 

"I never would have taken you for such a bossy boots." Blanca muttered evidently not happy with the outcome of the situation. 

Well someone had to be. 

"Do you do that a lot?" I asked her as we walked down tha hall, "practice until it's perfect." 

I could see her hesitate before she answered, "I do it all the time." 

"Why? It must be exausthing."

Blanca. 

It was exausthing. I was exausthed, like all the time, but I had to do it because the idea of not being the best or at least good at something didn't sit right with me. So I didn't have much of a choice.

Benny.

She shrugged, "it's okay. I'm used to it now."

I couldn't imagine anything worse, I was good at onething and that was fine by me, no one could be good at everything it was impossible. Not in Blanca's opinion I guess. And to her credit I'd never actually seen her fail something, now that I was thinking about it she had been good at everything. I remember when she started the gymnastics team she had started later than all the other girls but still beat them at the final competition or when we learnt a new topic in class somewhow she'd always known it better than everyone else. 

The other thing was now that I knew how obsessive she was, I had no idea which of her talents were real and which ones she'd thrown her heart and soul into. I'd always thought she was just naturally good at everything. "Is there anything that comes naturally to you, that you don't have to work your ass of for?" 

"Football, I was always pretty good at, but I'm a girl so it doesn't matter." Blanca told me rolling her eyes. That was shitty, and it was true too. Even in baseball it was a trillion times harder for girls to get famous from it. "And I guess you could say I'm good at reading people, but everything else I had to work for." 

Jesus Christ that must have been a lot of work, the fact that she was still standing made me realise this girl was a lot tougher than I had thought. Probably than everyone except her inner circle had thought. 

Only eventually that wouldn't be enough, eventually all the stress and the weight of her problems would come crashing down on her, and when that happened she was going to need all the support she could get to build herself back up. The problem was she was to afraid to ask for it.