⌞ the chain ⌝

⌞ thirty-seven : little things ⌝

"I could never."

_ 

My life for the next couple of weeks was the most chaotic thing I had ever experienced. Training, interviews, fittings, pictures, more interviews. I was rarely not moving and the exhaustion had started to pull at me. Christian wanted me to do all these things so my name was out there, attached to the Redbull team but Damon was on my ass about getting used to the new car, learning all the little tricks and slips. I felt like I was being ripped apart. 

I was fighting with the idea of having to be more than just the driver in the car. I wasn't good with the media, the fans barely liked me. It was just not my thing. I had tried talking to Lewis and Seb about it but both of them had told me to just brush it off. People were going to hate me no matter what I did. That was just the sport. But Christian wanted me to have a good image before going into the season and Damon couldn't care less. He was more anti-media than I was. I had walked into some arguments he and Christian were having. I was starting to wonder if my decision was worth it. But I just needed a day off, get away from all the pressure. So that's what I did. 

I was laying on the floor of Lewis's flat. He was out doing god knows what but I had a key and I texted him that I was going to be here.  The thing was, my entire body ached to the point I didn't think I could stand without help and I could hear my phone ringing. It was quite literally just out of my reach. I almost wanted to sob because I could see who was calling me and I needed to answer it. 

"Oh, fuck me." I groaned, forcing myself to sit up even through the pain an answered it. "Hey, kiddo." 

"Hi, Eli. Can we go for coffee?" 

_ 

I sat at the table, my fingers drumming against the mug in my hands. I hated that I felt so awkward. It was my little brother, for fucks sake. It wasn't like I was meeting with the Queen of England or anything. But it had been so long since I had seen him or even heard from him. It felt like I didn't know anything about the little boy I practically raised who wasn't a little boy anymore. Even on the phone, his voice sounded deeper. I wondered why he would be calling now, of all times. 

I heard the cafe door open and I almost let out a gasp. He looked so much like the little boy I had left that day at the funeral but he had grown. He was tall and lean. It looked like he had been shoved into karting along with Charlie, the soft muscles showing through the long sleeve he was wearing. My little Arty was all grown up. 

His eyes met mine and I barely had the thought to raise my hand and wave. That same boyish smile made its way on his face and I felt like I was fourteen all over again, seeing that smile when I was home and taking care of him. It hurt. I hated that my past always seemed to find a way to catch up to me when all I had been doing was running. 

"Hey, kiddo. Well, you're kinda grown now. That feels wrong." 

He laughed softly as he looked down at the drink in front of him. Lemon tea with a spoon of honey and a stick of cinnamon. I never forgot. I could never forget. I knew he was my little brother but he was also kind of my son. I had raised him when our parents were too busy with Charlie. I knew those little things about him.

"I missed you." 

"I missed you too, frère." 

"I know.. I'm sorry. Let me start with that." His fingers seemed to match the rhythm I was drumming against my cup on his own. "I didn't mean to shut you out. It was just- Dad and Charles made it hard. Dad was mad that you left and Charles... he took most of that anger which made me hate you. Because you left us there." 

"Art-" 

"Non, let me finish." He sighed. "But I wanted to talk to you. I followed all of it. I have the clippings from the newspaper when we found out you got in F3 and all the races you won. Charles told me when you moved up to F2 and I watched the thing on the TV. I wanted to text you because I knew that Charles had talked to you but he said that you shut him down and I didn't want that from you-" 

"Arthur. Breathe." I reached out for his hand and put my own over it, stopping the fast beat on his cup, knowing that he was going to work himself up and that's not what I wanted. 

Hell, I wasn't even mad. I knew I had pushed everyone away with my decision. It wasn't anywhere near what I wanted. But I knew I would die if I stayed in that house. It killed me everyday to know that he was stuck there, without me, having to face his grief alone because there was no way in hell that Father was ever going to let emotion be shown. And it was clear on his face. 

He had grown, yes. But he had aged as well. Dark circles under his eyes, his nails bitten to the edge, lips raw and cracked from where he chewed on them. He looked like an anxious mess. And it was partly my fault. I had been too stuck in my own anger, my own hurt... to even check on my little brother. Who was going through just as much, if not more. I felt awful about myself but this wasn't my time. It was his. And I was going to respect that. 

"I'm not mad at you. Never have been and never will me. You are still my little brother, Arty. And I should be apologizing too. I shouldn't have left you in that house. I knew what it was like but I thought that maybe... maybe he wouldn't be like that with you. It was also just... I couldn't take you with me. And I'm sorry." 

"I think it's safe to say we were both idiots." 

I snorted, shaking my head. "Yeah, we were." 

Silence fell for a bit but it wasn't awkward. It was more like the two of us taking a second to figure out what we wanted to say and where we stood. I would be over the moon to be able to have my little brother back. I was working my way towards finding the courage with Charlie and maybe that first step was Arty. He was my everything, my little brother, the kid I raised, my boy. And to know that I had a shot to have him back in my life made the stress of the past few weeks feel trivial.

"Eli?" 

"Hm?" 

He sighed. "Can we... can I have my sister back?" 

I almost broke into tears, the stinging pressing against my eyes and I forced myself to blink a couple of times to get rid of them. It would not be the cool older sister thing to start crying in this damn cafe because my little brother wanted me back in his life. 

"Yeah, kiddo. Most definitely." 

________________________________________________________________________________

a/n: did you see this coming? i bet fucking not. get wrecked with happy emotions bitches. that was tense, im sorry. but im back!! sorry it took so long for me to write again but i was binge watching OBX and my obsession with rafe cameron came back. the urge to write a fanfic about him is strong. if you want want, like.. yk. let me knowwwww. (plz actually let me know because i wanna write one but i won't if you wont read it) as always, with love from me to you, love it or don't :p