Are We Meant to Be?

Chapter 8

We joined Sam and got into the car. We headed back to their bunker. It was a silent ride until I spoke up.

"Sam, I just want to say I know I make things complicated. I'm really sorry."

"It's ok. It's not your fault. Just..." He sighed and shook his head and didn't continue. Dean looked back at me in the rear view mirror with sorry written in his eyes. I didn't push anything and the ride stayed silent. We got to the bunker and went inside. Dean headed out to pick up dinner so it was just Sam and I.

"Can I ask you a question Sam?"

"Sure." He replied.

"I like you Sam. Like I really really like you. In the beginning, it seemed like you liked me too. What changed? Why don't you want to date me if you feel the same way?"

"Look, fairly recently, I had a girlfriend. I was gonna propose to her eventually. She was killed. Not only was she killed, but she was killed in our bedroom. I loved Jess more than I loved anything or anyone in my life. It's too soon to like anyone or date anyone or anything like that. I just can't."

"I'm so sorry Sam. Why didn't you just tell me that? I would have just gotten out of your life and left you alone."

"It's not something I just come right out and tell people. And, you wouldn't have understood. It was a couple years ago, but it still hurts. It's not that I don't want you in my life. You are a great girl, I just can't like you that way or date you yet."

"I totally understand Sam. It's not the same thing, but I had a husband. He was only married to me for 6 months. His divorce with me is pending and he just left one day. No warning no nothing. It still hurts me and I'm still scared to find someone else. I get it. I'll leave you alone and try to put my feelings aside ok?"

"I'm sorry about your husband. I'm glad you understand. I'm not trying to be mean. It's just not something I can do yet."

"I get it. No worries." I said. Dean returned with food and we had dinner. Afterwards, we just spent the night doing research. "Hey guys, I'm gonna head to bed." I said tiredly.

"Ok. Goodnight." They both said. I laid in bed for a while just thinking. I heard a knock on my door.

"Come in." It was Dean

~Dean's POV~

"Hey."

"What's up?" She asked as I shut the door.

"Are you sure you're ok? You seem extra upset today." She let out a large sigh.

"Not really. I understand why Sam doesn't want anything to do with me, but it sucks. Does he not like me back? I swear I've seen it in his eyes that he likes me. I know Jess is hard on him, I really do, but...."

"It's ok." I said, trying to console her into continuing.

"Like I get it, but I don't get how if he has any feelings for me that he can put them aside and not even care that it upsets me. I know that's selfish though."

"First, that's not selfish. I see the way you look at him. He drives you crazy in a good way. I know he likes you too. I can see it in the way he looks at you. He does care about you a lot. He was so worried about you when you got kidnapped. He wouldn't shut up about saving you. He didn't even care about the hunt anymore. He just wanted to save you. Also, one day, you were crying in the backseat, probably about him, and every time he saw you crying, I could tell it hurt him. He really does care. I was planning on talking to him about this anyways because it's hurting both of you. Do you want me to tell you what he says?" I asked

"Would you?"

"Of course."

"I have a question before you go: why do you care so much anyways?"

"It's been a long time since I've seen Sammy happy. I can see the connection between you two and he's doing all he can to avoid it. Plus, you really are a great girl. You should be happy too."

"Thanks Dean. Let me know what he says." She said, perking up a bit.

"I will. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." I left her room and went back out to Sam.

~Sam's POV~

"Sam?" Dean asked. "I wanna talk."

"What's up?"

"Why are you so opposed to dating Miranda or having anything to do with her?"

"I told you already. It's about Jess. She knows that too."

"Sammy, I know it still hurts, but I haven't seen you happy in so long. I see the way you look at her. You two have a connection. You can be happy with her. Do you not care that you hurt her every time you avoid her, every time you act like you hate her? She's a great girl and she deserves to be loved Sam." Dean said

"I can't move on yet, Dean. Why does no one understand that. I can't betray Jess. And I do care I hurt her. That's why I didn't want her staying with us. I knew it would hurt her more. She doesn't seem to care it's hard on me too. She does deserve to be loved, but right now, I can't love her in the way she needs and wants me to."

"She cares it's hard on you. She cares a lot more than you think. She knows it's hard on you. She's trying so hard to put her feelings aside, but Sam, there's only so much a person can do. She's crazy about you. She loves you. How do you think it feels for her? She loves you and all you do is act like she's this horrible thing no one cares about."

"You just don't get it Dean. Just let it go. I may be ready some day, I may not. We'll just have to see how it goes. End of conversation." Dean just didn't understand.

~Dean's POV~

I just dropped the conversation and went back to Miranda.

"Hey." I said as I walked in. She was laying in bed crying.

"I'm sorry Miranda. I talked to him but I don't think it will change anything."

"What did he say?" She asked with a sniffle.

"He doesn't think you care it's hard on him. I assured him you do. I know you're trying to put your feelings aside. I told him that. He just doesn't think he can love you the way you deserve to be loved right now. I kind of see where he's coming from, but you deserve to be happy. You deserve a guy who will love you and won't leave you. He basically said that he may be able to like you someday and maybe not. He just has to see how it goes." She started to cry again. I felt like I was in an awkward position. I wanted to hug her and tell her it would be ok, but I'm not exactly known for my sensitive side and I didn't want to baby her. I did anyways.

I sat next to her on the bed. "I'm so sorry Miranda. I did what I could. He can be so stubborn and an idiot sometimes." I said as I tried my best to calm her down with a hug. ".......I'm not trying to baby you."

"You're not babying me. It's ok. I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact he's never gonna like me."

"I hope he will someday."

"Thanks."

"No problem. Goodnight Miranda."

"Goodnight." She replied. "And Dean?"

"Yeah?" I asked as I got to the door.

"Thanks for trying. I appreciate it. It means a lot."

"Of course. Remember. I'm always here if you need to talk." She nodded and I headed to bed.