Are We Meant to Be?

Chapter 34

A/N I hope you guys like this so far. This chapter's dialogue is cool for me to write because it acknowledges some things the viewers of spn really infer and interpret about Dean and Sam. You'll have to read to see what I mean. :)

Sam went to go get some groceries since we never actually got any the day Ethan was kidnapped. Dean, Ethan, and I were at the bunker alone. Ethan was in his room playing with some toys, so I took my chance to ask Dean.

"Dean, what was that all about with you and Sam earlier?"

"Just don't worry about it."

"You can talk to me. You know that."

"I know. I just don't want to talk about it."

"Ok. Fine. I won't pry. I can just tell it's bugging you."

"Alright. Fine. I'll tell you. I think Sam knows why I come across protective to Ethan." He said after a few minutes contemplating things.

"Why?"

"Because it's always been my job. Our dad didn't exactly win any number 1 dad awards. He always left me in charge of Sam when he went hunting. I wasn't always doing what I was supposed to do, or sometimes Sam was just being a kid and would mess something up. Dad always got mad really easily. I took the hit for Sam. I always did. I have to be the strong one for everyone- always have and always will be. That means Sam, you, and Ethan, no matter the cost. It's always been a front. It's why I feel so guilty after every hunt he gets hurt on. I feel like Sam can tell a little, but I hide it as best as I can. I've never been as strong as I let on. That's why I'm such a heavy drinker. It gets my mind off of things for long enough that I can still put up the front for Sammy. I can't show anything else."

"Dean, as much as you don't like it, I can see right through this front. I know things hit you hard from the past, and from now. Why don't you just tell Sam?"

"Because I've always been strong for him. If I tell him I'm not, I'm gonna let him down."

"Someone should be strong for you for once. You've lived through more than you should have to even think of going through. You dealt with your mom dying, Sam getting hurt many times, Ethan, me, any problems I've brought you, Ethan getting kidnapped, and anything else you've been through but haven't told me. You've dealt with a lot. You can only be strong for so long Dean. You gotta let it out and let it go. Sam is not gonna be mad if you told him you've been strong for him this whole time. You can't protect him from everything."

"I know I can't, but it's still-" he stopped when the door opened and Sam walked in.

"We can talk later if you want." I said softly. He nodded.

"I got food!" Sam hollered.  "How's the research going?"

"Still nothing." I replied. He put the food in the fridge. We had had food around for dinner so it didn't matter that it was getting late and we were just now stocking up the fridge. It became 11 in no time. Ethan came running up to me.

"Mommy. Can you put me to bed?"

"Yeah bud. I should have put you in bed a long time ago."

"I was playing and didn't see it was late."

"I didn't notice either. It's ok." I went with him to his room. I pulled the covers up to his chin and gave him his favorite teddy bear. He pulled the bear in close and fell asleep in a flash.

I went back out to the boys. "I'm heading to bed. Are you gonna finish any research stuff or are you heading to bed Miranda?" Sam asked.

"I wanna finish one last thing I was gonna check and I'll be in."

"Ok. See you in a bit." He said before leaving the room.

"Ok. Dean. You were saying "you know you can't protect him from everything but it's still..."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore. Just forget it. You get the gist."

"Why are you getting so defensive all of a sudden?" I asked gently.

"Because. I never should have explained any of it to you."

"Why not?"

"Because that's not a side of me I want you to see. It shows I'm weak. I can't be weak."

"Dean, that doesn't make you weak. You can be strong and still get upset. You can be strong and still get sad. You can be strong and still grieve someone's death. You can be strong and be sensitive. Those aren't opposites. You are still a strong person. Tell me, why do you think that the slightest sign of emotion makes you weak?"

"I'm done talking about this."

"Ok. Fine. I understand. I won't push it." I finished up something for research and headed to bed.

"Wait. Don't tell Sam. Please."

"Dean-"

"Please. I'm begging you. Don't say anything."

"Alright. Alright. I won't." I said, and actually went to bed this time. I wanted to tell Sam so badly.

I walked in and climbed in bed.

"Hey, do you know what's up with Dean? He's seemed weird ever since Ethan answered our question."

"No clue. What were you gonna tell him when Ethan answered. He cut you off."

"I can tell he's protective of us. I was gonna ask why he's so protective and if it's because of dad."

"Oh." I replied.

"You sure you don't know why he's acting weird? I hope you're not lying to me."

"Nope. No clue." I lied smoothly. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick. Be right back." I quickly walked out to Dean. "Thanks, Dean. I just had to lie to Sam's face. Happy now?"

"I never told you to lie."

"You said not to tell him, and he asked. He told me he hopes I'm not lying, but I told you I wouldn't say anything."

"Alright. Tell him." He mumbled the last part.

"What?"

"I said tell him. I'm not gonna have you guys have another fight because of me." He said sadly. I nodded and went back to bed.