Are We Meant to Be?

Chapter 9

~Miranda's POV~

Dean was being so nice to me. I couldn't believe how much of a jerk Sam was being. I loved him and I was being forced to keep my feelings inside. I laid there and cried myself to sleep in the early morning hours.

In the morning, I got up and went out to the guys. "Morning Dean." I said.

"Morning Miranda. How are you doing?" He asked as he stood next to me. I gave him a shake of my hand telling him 'so-so'. He nodded.

"Morning Miranda." Sam said, trying to be friendly.

"Hey." I responded without facing him. I continued to look at Dean. Dean went to go get changed out of his PJs so then it was just Sam and I. It was semi awkward. Sam tried to start conversation. I tried to look at him, but all it did was send the flood of tears to my eyes, so I went back to my room, shut the door, and cried. Dean came in and calmed me down eventually. I spent the next 3 days in there crying and thinking and avoiding Sam. I went out for food and to use the bathroom, but even then I ignored Sam all I could.

During the fourth day of me staying in my room, there was a knock at my door. "What?!" I asked.

"It's Dean."

"Ok. Come in. What do you want Dean?" I said, not trying to sound snappy.

"Sam wants to talk to you. Please let him. I think you need to hear it."

"Ok." I said blankly. Sam walked in. "Before you start, I need to say something." He nodded.

"I love you Sam. I really truly do. I hate the way you've been treating me. You're acting like I'm this rescue off the street. You give me food and a place to stay, but you act like you don't care. You treat me like I'm this horrible thing. I know you don't love me Sam. You've made that blatantly obvious, but you seem to forget I'm a person. I have emotions. I have feelings. You can't just expect me to act like they don't exist and like I never felt anything towards you Sam. I hate that you honestly think I don't care that this has been hard on you. You know that day you caught me crying in the backseat? I wasn't crying because you didn't love me back. I was crying because I could see I was making things hard for you. I know it's hard to get over Jess dying. I know you don't want to betray her, and I get that. I just don't get how you can expect me to just throw my feelings away because you don't agree with them. I honestly feel like you saved me out of convenience and not out of caring for me. I'm just a stupid rescue to you who is staying here because she has nowhere else to go. You don't care and are being a jerk. You don't love me, and I know it. So if you came here to yell nasty things at me, then save it and get out." I ranted out as I cried a little harder.

~Sam's POV~

"Miranda, I'm not here to yell at you. I'm here to apologize." She lifted her head from her hands. "I'm sorry. For everything. You aren't just a rescue, and I know it doesn't seem like it, but it's true. I love you so much."

"Yeah, right." She replied.

"I mean it. I really do. It wasn't only about Jess. I didn't want to date you because.... Everyone I love dies ok? My mom was killed when I was a baby. Jess was killed a couple years ago. My dad is missing and is who knows where. He may even be dead, we don't know. Dean is still alive, and for that, I'm lucky. I don't want to lose you. The only way to protect you is to keep you away from me. I love you too much to have you die because of me."

"Sam." She said with a shake of her head. "Why didn't you tell me that? Or tell Dean that?"

"It wouldn't have helped anything."

"I would have stayed out of your life. I would have done what you wanted." She stated.

"That's the problem Miranda. I don't want you to die but I can't live without you either. That's why this is so hard for me. I never meant to hurt you. I really didn't. I care about you so much. I saved you because I didn't want you to die, not because of the stupid hunt. I tried to save you before I even thought about the demon. I knew it was a trap, but I needed to save you. I know I've been a jerk. I've been the worst person in the world. I know it. Please, just forgive me and be mine. Please." I said desperately.

"Sam, I believe you about caring about me, I just don't believe you about loving me. You haven't given me any reason to believe you about that."

"What if I told you that I loved you from the beginning? The second you waved at me, my heart melted, Miranda. I wanted to be with you. We talked for what seemed like eternity in that bar. When you asked for my number, and mentioned you wanted someone to talk to, you have no idea how much I wanted to stay there and sit with you for hours. I wanted to make sure you knew someone cared. I almost turned around and sat back down, and I wish I had so I could have saved you from that demon sooner. When you cried in the backseat, every tear that rolled down your beautiful face broke my heart to pieces. When you were all cut up and were feeling like you weren't beautiful anymore, it took everything in me to not tell you what I wanted to say because I was afraid of starting something: you were still gorgeous. Those scars aren't ugly. To me, they show your strength. You put up with torture for 2 days. You are so strong. They are your battle scars. You dealt with one of the toughest creatures on Earth and lived. I am so proud of you. I don't know what I can say to make you believe me, but I do love you. I love you to death. And I'm just sorry it took me until now to say that." She had tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you when you said you loved me. Dean knew you did, and I didn't believe you or Dean. I should have. I'm so stupid."

"You're not stupid. I am. I was being such a jerk. That isn't like me." I said as I rubbed her shoulder. "So do you forgive me? Will you be mine? Please?"

"I'm happy we both love each other. As much as you're gonna hate me for saying this, I need time to figure out how to forgive you. You hurt me a lot, Sam. A whole lot. I need a little time to think about things."

"I understand. Take the time you need." I said and walked out the door.