Are We Meant to Be?

Chapter 24

Dean walked in.

"Hey."

"Hey." We both said.

"Miranda, you've been crying. Are you ok?"

"We were just talking about some stuff Dean. It's ok." I answered.

"Should I let you guys finish?"

"No. We can finish later." I said, giving Miranda a slight nod, hoping she understood that we would definitely be finishing later.

"Here, let me take Ethan back to the crib." Dean said. I handed him Ethan and he took him back to the nursery.

"Miranda, we are talking about this later. I know it's upsetting and I know you probably don't want to talk about whatever it is, but we are going to. I need to know what's going on." She nodded.

"So how ya feeling Sammy?" Dean asked

"I'm ok. My back still hurts, and I'm in general a little sore, but I feel ok."

"That's good. You had a fever last night, but we got it down. Miranda, do you need to check his stitches?"

"Yeah probably." She stated. I rolled onto my stomach so she could get at them. She pulled the gauze off, which hurt like hell. She said the stitches were fine and I wasn't bleeding through them, so she put some more gauze over them and I rolled back over.

"Well, we'll let you rest. Do you want to help me with some research Miranda?" Dean asked her.

"Sure." She replied and they left.

I laid there in bed. I couldn't help but think of Miranda and I's conversation. Why did she think I would leave her other than everyone else left? What more was there? I couldn't help but wonder.

~time jump~
~Miranda's POV~

We were headed to bed. Sam had already gotten in bed when I walked in. I was freaking nervous. There wasn't really much else other than what I told him, but I needed to explain further. I climbed in bed with him and hoped he would just forget about it. He didn't.

"Miranda. I'm not gonna be mad at you. I just want to know why you're so scared I'm gonna leave."

"There's not much more to it."

"Just tell me. You told me that it's because everyone leaves eventually in some way or another. I feel like there's more." I started to cry.

"I don't know how to believe you won't leave me because everyone leaves and because I've never truly been loved."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that my family loved me. That is true, but every guy I liked told me they loved me and it was a lie. They all said they'd never leave me because they loved me. I have never heard I love you from anyone other than my family and have it be true. It's hard to believe that you won't leave me when I have no way of telling if anything is true. I constantly asked myself 'are we meant to be?' with every guy I was with, and I always hoped it was different than the last, but it never was. So I don't know that you aren't just gonna leave like everyone else."

"Those other guys are idiots. If they were anything but human, I'd track them down right now for hurting you. I'm sorry you've never felt loved, especially never felt loved by me. I've tried to show you that I love you, but if it's not working then apparently I'm doing something wrong. I really do love you, I just don't know how to make you believe it."

"I have felt loved by you, but it's like I don't know that it's gonna last. We've been together longer than with any other guy, it's just there's no guarantee."

"I'm sorry, but that's stupid."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I said it's stupid. All those guys were jerks. They hurt you and they messed with your head enough to the point that you honestly don't think I love you. I love you to death Miranda. I'll tell you I love you a million times a day until I die if it's what it takes to make you believe it. I'm not gonna leave you not just because I love you, but because I would never want to leave the girl of my dreams or leave my son. I love you so much. Yes, I loved Jess, yes it hurts that she died, but no, that doesn't mean I love you any less. It's stupid that you think I don't love you or that I'm lying when I tell you that. It hurts me to know you don't have any trust for me. You don't trust me, Miranda, and that hurts a lot. I trust you enough to leave on hunts and to trust that you'll be ok. I trust you about a lot of stuff, and you can't trust me? I understand what you went through and I get why you don't, but I need you to know that I love you." I couldn't control the tears that were flowing down my face. He tried to hug me but I shoved him off. I sat there for a good 15 minutes just crying.

"Alright, I'm sorry Sam. Ok? I'm sorry." I shouted at him.

"Babe. It's ok. Calm down."

"No. It's not ok Sam. I'm sorry. I should believe you. You've shown me more than anyone that you love me. I was so blinded by all the horrible garbage I've had to deal with that I didn't even realize how true it was. It has to be true if you care enough to want me to talk about this. I love you so much that I can't lose you. I'd die if I did. And I trust you ok? I trust you. It is stupid that I didn't believe you and I get why you're mad at me. I'm so dang stupid!" I slammed my fist on the bed at how stupid I was and bawled.

"Baby, come here." He said. I scooted closer and cried into the soft black t-shirt he was wearing. He spoke as I cried on him. "You are not stupid. Don't ever say that." He rubbed my shoulder as he spoke. "All those stupid guys made you think so horribly about yourself and every guy you're ever with. I'm the guy who's here to change that. I'm the one who's different. I'm the one who's gonna stay and I'm the one who's gonna treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I was never mad about you not believing me. I understand why you weren't sure. I'm not mad about any of this. I love you so much Miranda."

"Well you seemed really mad." I said through the tears.

"I'm not. I promise."

"Then why did you get so fired up a minute ago?"

"I wanted you to know how much I loved you. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I would literally die for you in a heartbeat to keep you safe and alive. I love you so much."

"I love you too." I said. I laid down next to him, and laid my head on his chest. He played with my hair as we watched reruns of some show on tv before going to sleep. "I really am sorry, Sammy."

"It's ok. Really. As long as you know I love you, then it's ok."

"I know you do. I love you."

"I love you too." He said before kissing me on the forehead.

"And thanks for calling Ethan your son. You never had to consider yourself the dad, but I appreciate it."

"Of course. He's OUR son now." I nodded, and snuggle closer. That's where I fell asleep for the night: in my husband's arms, and feeling like I truly mattered and belonged right where I was. I truly belonged with Sam, Dean, and little Ethan.