Are We Meant to Be?

Chapter 35

"Sam. I lied." I said as I walked in. "I do know why he's acting weird. Dean told me not to tell you, that's why I lied. I went out to talk to him and tell him he was forcing me to lie and he said I could tell you."

"Ok. What is it?"

"He comes across protective and like he's gonna be strong for everyone because it's what he thinks he has to do. He always protected you from your dad. He had to be strong for you and all that you've gone through. He doesn't think that he is allowed to let anything get to him or show any emotion. He still feels like he needs to protect you from everything, and it's the same reason why he feels so guilty every time you get hurt. The strength is all a front though. Inside, he's a wreck about a lot of stuff and he drowns himself in alcohol to keep the front."

"He told you all that?"

"Yeah."

"Why does he think he can't show emotion?"

"He thinks it makes him weak."

"That's stupid. He can't protect me from everything. He doesn't need to put up a front for me. He's not weak for showing emotion. You can be strong and be sad, upset, cry, be frustrated, etc."

"I told him that. Do you have anything you want to say to him? I can go talk to him."

"It's just a load of bull. He's still the strongest person I know and it's the absolute stupidest thing I've ever heard that he feels the need for a front. I appreciate his protectiveness but he doesn't need to hide how he feels about things from me, or you. I know he still grieves over mom, I know he beats himself up about when I get hurt and when Ethan got kidnapped. But it's especially stupid for him to keep this front up. Dad's not around anymore. He doesn't need to pretend that nothing bothers him. I'm actually worried about him keeping everything in like he does."

"I'll be back. I'm gonna go talk to him." Sam nodded. I walked back out. Dean was sitting at a table with a beer in his hand. His back was facing towards me. "Dean?" I asked gently.

"What? What horrible things did Sammy say?" He asked.

"Come on, Dean. You know Sam wouldn't say anything nasty about that." I said as I sat across from him. "How many beers is that?"

"My first. Relax. What did he say?"

"He said it's a load of bull. He thinks you're still the strongest person he knows and it's the absolute stupidest thing he's ever heard that you feel the need for a front. I completely agree. He appreciates your protectiveness but he says you don't need to hide how you feel about things from him, or me. He and I both know you still grieve over your mom, you beat yourself up about when he gets hurt and when Ethan got kidnapped. But it's especially stupid for you to keep this front up. He said your dad's not around anymore and you don't need to pretend that nothing bothers you. He's actually worried about you keeping everything in like you do. I told him you think it makes you weak to show your feelings, and he said basically the same thing as me. It's stupid. You can't protect him from everything. You don't need to put up a front for him. You're not weak for showing emotion. You can be strong and be sad, upset, cry, be frustrated, etc. that's what he told me too. Whether you believe it or not is your choice. But it really is stupid that you think we'd look at you different for having anything affect you. I cry, I have things that hurt and affect me. Am I weak? Is Sam weak?"

He put his head in his hands. I got up and stood by him. "Dean. I'm so sorry. I wasn't trying to sound mean. It's just not good for you to keep emotions bottled up." He lifted his head up and looked me in the eyes, a few tears falling from his.

"You're not being mean. It's ok. Look. I'm sorry. I was stupid and thought it was weak to show emotion. You and Sam do, and I don't think of you two as weak. How is it any different for me? It shouldn't be. I've just spent so long of having to have that front because my dad would kill me if I showed emotion. It's hard to change."

"So your dad is why you thought it was weaker to show emotion?"

"Yeah. He basically indirectly told me it was. He's my dad. I had to follow orders, and-"

"I get it. You don't have to explain. Just know that you can grieve, cry, be sad, be upset, and Sam, Ethan, and I aren't gonna look at you as any less. I'm here if you want to talk about anything whether it be your mom, your dad, Sammy, Ethan, me, I don't care. I'm here."

"Thanks." He said as he hugged me.

"Of course. Now, get to bed. I know that's not your first beer."

"It's-"

"Dean, I can smell it all over you. That is not your first. I don't want you drunk. Seriously. Go to bed." He finished his last sip. He wasn't woozy yet, but I walked with him just in case. He stopped by my room first.

"I'm sorry Sammy. I never should have kept this front up for you for so long. It was stupid and I'm sorry I thought you would think of me less because I showed emotion." He said as he peeked in.

"Don't apologize Dean. It's ok, but know that I would never ever think you're any less of a person because you showed emotion. You've been through a lot. You have every right to show emotion and have feelings. Heck, you have more reason than anyone to be breaking down crying right now."

"Thanks." He said. I walked with him to his room.

"I know you're not drunk yet. I just wanted to be sure you weren't gonna fall or pass out."

"I know. Thanks. Don't worry. I won't sneak out and get more beer. I'm gonna try to start cutting back a little."

"Good. Goodnight Dean. You know where to find me if you need to talk."

"Yep. Goodnight Miranda." I headed back to bed where I laid with Sam as he played with my hair. We both eventually fell asleep. This time, Sam fell asleep first. I gave him a quick kiss before falling asleep myself.

A/N I hope you guys liked this section of Miranda and Dean having a little moment. I liked writing is because in the show I do think Dean puts up too much of a front and acts like nothing gets to him. It was cool to be able to have Miranda break through to him and have him admit it and maybe start to show a softer side. I'm gonna continue a little bit with Dean breaking that front down, so expect a couple, or a few, I don't know yet, chapters with this sweet Miranda and Dean thing happening. Don't worry. She still loves Sam and she isn't at all falling for Dean. She's just able to be there for him. Thanks for reading this chapter and this long author's note. Please comment. :)