Are We Meant to Be?

Chapter 43

"Sam, we need to discuss last night." I told him once we got up in the morning.

"There's nothing to discuss."

"Yes there is. You said he can make mistakes, but... And never finished your sentence. What's the rest of it. I need to know."

"But he never seems to feel bad that it hurt me or that he drug me into it. Sometimes he does, but recently, it's like the worse he screws up, the less he seems to care that I got hurt. He apologizes for the situation but not about me. He didn't even technically apologize to me about being the reason we got hurt. He just told me it happened. I wasn't mad because I knew it was a simple mistake and I thought he felt bad, but he didn't apologize for last night either."

"Sam, do you know how stupid you sound right now? He always feels bad you get hurt. Every single time. He tells me how bad he feels. He didn't apologize for the last time because you told him it was ok and you weren't mad. He hasn't apologized for this time yet because he's tired of getting screamed at by you and he doesn't want to deal with it. He knows you're pissed, but he told me that he doesn't ever want to hurt you, and he apologized to me since I wasn't yelling at him. Do you not see how much he's been going through the past few weeks? He just allowed himself to show emotion and fear and pain, and then you just lay into him with the first mistake he makes. I'm sure he was trying to prove himself on this hunt too. He's dealing with a lot and you're not helping." I ranted.

"Look, I get your point, ok?" I just nodded not wanting an argument. Sam got in the shower and I went out to Dean.

"Hey." I said.

"Hey. You ok? You sound upset."

"Yeah. I was just discussing how he just lays into you for everything you do, and how he's being a jerk about last night. I'm sorry about him. Can I ask a question?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me the truth, were you trying to prove something on that hunt?" He looked down and didn't respond. "Dean, really? You have nothing to prove."

"Yes I do. I can tell Sam looks at me differently now that I don't hide emotion as much. I know he hates that I knocked the bottle off last time. I needed to show him that I can still be strong and show emotion and that I can do something and not screw it up. But I guess that didn't work too well considering I screwed up again this time."

"Dean. You don't need to prove anything to me." Sam spoke up suddenly from behind us. We turned around. "You are still just as strong as before and you don't screw everything up. Knocking the bottle off was a simple thing, and I meant that. Even if what I said somehow wasn't true, you don't have to prove anything to me. I'm not dad."

"But-"

"Look Dean, Miranda was right. I've been a jerk to you recently. You're not trying to hurt me, and accidents happen. You don't apologize right away because all I do is get pissed, and I've been acting like you're not apologizing at all, and I'm sorry."

"No Sam, I should apologize right away regardless. I haven't been trying to hurt you and accidents do happen, but I wouldn't blame you being pissed, heck, I wouldn't blame you if you hated me sometimes. I've been a sucky hunter lately and you have every right to be mad. That's why I tried to prove myself."

"I get how you feel Dean, but I don't hate you. I'm never gonna hate you. Regardless of how your hunting has been, you don't ever have to prove anything to me. Like I said before, I'm not dad. You don't have to constantly try to redeem yourself every time you do the slightest thing wrong. Don't be sorry you drug me into the hunt either. I'm just glad you called me."

"Thanks Sam. Just know I'm really sorry for anything and everything you've ever deserved an apology for that I never gave you."

"Thanks." Sam replied.

I was happy that they were working it out. "So, what now?"

"I don't know. Not really any new cases. We can do whatever you want." Dean stated. I was going to respond and Ethan came running in. He latched his arms onto my legs.

"Morning mommy."

"Morning bud."

"Morning E."

"Morning buddy." Sam said. "Anything you really want to do today?"

"Not really. I'd rather just stay inside and play with Legos. The weather isn't very good today." He was right. The sky was cloudy. It wasn't raining yet, but would soon.

"That's fine bud. You can go play with your Legos." I told him. He left and from what I could see through the crack of his door, he was having a blast. "I do have something I want to do, but I don't know if today is a good day for it."

"What is it?" Dean asked.

"Teach me to hunt and defend myself."

"No way. Not happening."

"But Dean, my mom promised to teach me, and-" a couple tears slipped down my face.

"Hey, hey, I didn't mean to make you cry. I just don't want to get you any more involved than you are."

"I couldn't even defend myself when Ethan got kidnapped. My mom was supposed to teach me when I turned 17."

"Why didn't she?" Sam asked. He didn't know how old I was when she died.

"Um, she died when I was 16."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"I know you didn't know, Sam. It's ok. So, will you guys teach me?" They exchanged glances.

"Alright. We'll teach you the basics on one condition- you follow our rules." Dean said.

"Ok. Got it." I was so excited.