Back Together ~ pt 4

❤︎︎ Fourteen ❤︎︎

I had to go to school on Monday. I didn't want to though. I couldn't focus on anything besides mum. I was sitting in dad's McLaren and I just didn't want to get out of the car.

"dad... I'm not gonna be able to focus at all today... all I'm gonna be able to think about is mum still being in a coma..." I said

"I know, sweetheart. Just try your best to stay focused in school. We'll continue to pray for your mother and hope for the best" he said. School was absolute hell. I got sent to isolation for throwing my book at someone. I felt like shit. I walked outside and dad held me in his arms.

"just get it over with and yell at me..." I said as I started tearing up

"I'm not going to yell at you, sweetheart. I get that you're going through tough times right now. It's okay to feel angry and frustrated"

"I didn't wanna throw my book but someone... someone started talking about mothers and it just triggered me... and then everything got really loud and I got really sensitive and I couldn't control myself... and then someone had a go at me because of me being autistic and then everyone started having a go at me and I lost my shit and I couldn't deal with it..."

"It's okay, Liliana. You don't have to explain yourself to me. I know you didn't mean to throw your book. And remember, your autism doesn't define who you are. You are strong, brave, and incredibly smart"

"But I'm fucking different..."

"Yes, you are different. And that's what makes you special. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about who you are. You're loved just the way you are"

"I just want mum... I've never wanted her more than I do now..."

"I know, baby. And we're doing everything we can to make sure she comes back to us. You just have to keep holding on and believing that she will"

"the principal said I need to get my act together because if I get sent to isolation again then I'm getting suspended for a week..."

"Principal Dumbass. Listen, don't worry about that principal. You're not going to get suspended. I'll make sure of it. We'll work together and find a way to deal with the situation"

"I just want mum... everything is too hard without her right now..."

"I know, baby. I know. But you're not alone. We're here for you, and we'll get through this together. Just keep your head up and keep going" he said. I got suspended on Thursday. I actually hit someone in class. I got sent home early so dad picked me up. I literally ran into his arms.

"I didn't mean to... they said stuff about mum and it just happened... I didn't mean to hit them..."

"Listen, you didn't mean to hit them. I get it. It was an impulsive reaction to something that was said. But we need to learn from this and make sure it doesn't happen again"

"I just want mum..." I said before bursting into tears in his arms. I wanted my mummy. I wanted her to cuddle...

"I know, baby. I miss her too. But she loves you very much and is doing everything she can to come home. Just keep holding on and praying for her. We'll get through this together" he said. He took me home so I could get changed out of my school uniform and then we went to the hospital. The hospital was basically our new home at that point. We had spent more time in the hospital than we had at home. I sat on the bed and held mum's hand. I was still crying. I sniffled and wiped my tears before finally talking to her.

"I need you, mum... I can't deal with this... I can't... everything is shit without you... please... please fight this... I need you... dad needs you too... I hear him crying every night without you... please, mum... we even wished on a shooting star for you... mum... please..."

""I know, baby. I wish there was something more I could do for you. But we just have to keep hoping and praying that she'll pull through this. She's a strong woman, Lily"

"mhm... I just need her... I need my mummy..."

"I know, sweetheart. I'm here for you. And we'll be here every step of the way until your mum comes back to us. She loves you more than anything in this world"

"why do such bad things happen to her all the time...? she doesn't deserve this..."

"I don't know, baby. But what I do know is that she's a fighter and she'll come out of this stronger than ever. Just remember all the good times you had with her"

"but I don't want those to be the only ones!!! you're meant to be together until you're old!!! she's meant to be here to see me have kids!!! she's meant to still be here... why can't she just wake up from this fucking coma...?"

"I don't have all the answers, sweetheart. But I can promise you that we'll keep fighting for her. We won't give up until she wakes up"

"I just want her back..."

"I know, sweetheart. We all do. Just hang in there and keep the faith. Your mum's coming back to us soon" he said. I looked back at mum and squeezed her hand.

"mum... you're probably wanting to yell at me right now but I got suspended from school today... it wasn't my fault though... someone said something about you and I just hit them by reflex... I just wish you would wake up from this coma..."

"I know, sweetheart. I wish she would too. Just keep talking to her like you're doing now. She can hear you" he said

"Can she though...?"

"Yes, she can. Her brain is still functioning even though she's in a coma. Your voice is the most important thing to her right now. So keep talking, okay?"

"mum, please wake up soon... it's gonna be dad's birthday in a couple weeks and then it will be yours a couple days after and I've already got your present... please, mum... and I promise when I'm back at school after my suspension I'll come here everyday and tell you what I did at school..." I said before looking down at the star necklace she gave me. I took it off and put it over her hand. "can you at least give me some good luck through the necklace you gave me...? please...?" I said. I waited for a couple seconds and then dad put the necklace around my neck again

"Wear it as a reminder that she's always with you, no matter what"

"it's as if she knew that I'd need this necklace... and the fact that it's a silver star... mum's favourite thing in the world... stars..."

"She probably did, sweetheart. Your mom always had a way of knowing what you needed even before you did. Stars were her symbol of hope. She'll be sending you all the hope and love she can through that necklace"

"I just wish she would wake up... right now all I need is her cuddles..."

"I know, sweetheart. But I'm here for you now. You can cuddle with me anytime you want" he said. I cuddled up to him in his arms and I let a tear fall. "Just let it all out. Don't bottle up your emotions" he said. I started bawling my eyes out. I literally broke down in his arms.