The rookie Groupchat

Angela Lopez's "Mom Squad" Misadventure

A:You know how I'm pregnant, right? Well, that has led to some... interesting situations, especially with this mom squad I accidentally joined.

T:Wait, hold up. You joined a mom squad?

A:It wasn't on purpose, okay? It all started when I went to one of those prenatal yoga classes. I thought it'd be nice to do something relaxing for once. Big mistake.

T: You thought or Weasly made you?

L:How could yoga possibly go wrong?

A:I'll get to that. So, I show up, and immediately I'm bombarded by these overly enthusiastic moms. They're all glowing and talking about their "birth plans" and organic baby food. I figured I could just sneak in, do the class, and sneak out. But no. The second I sat down, I got roped into their little group.

J:Oh no. They got you with the "mom talk," didn't they?

A:Exactly. They surrounded me like a pack of overly friendly wolves. Next thing I know, they're asking me all these questions about my pregnancy, my nursery setup, my "self-care routine". whatever that means.

N:Angela, you? In a mom squad? I can't picture it.

A:Oh, it gets worse. One of them,her name was Karen, of course—starts handing out these laminated schedules for a weekly "Mommy Brunch." She's going on and on about gluten-free muffins and herbal teas, and I'm sitting there thinking, "This is how I die. Suffocated by Pinterest moms."

L:Oh my God, Angela, that sounds like torture.

A:It was. But I was polite. I nodded along, thinking I could just say I'm busy and get out of it. But Karen? Oh, Karen was persistent. She kept talking about how "important it is for new moms to have a village" and how their group was the perfect support system.

T:Please tell me you didn't agree to join.

A:Oh, I didn't just agree. I got volunteered to host the next brunch at my place. Before I knew it, they were texting me gluten-free muffin recipes and baby shower themes. I was in too deep.

J:Angela Lopez, the toughest cop I know, taken down by a mom squad.

A:Yeah, laugh it up, Nolan. So, fast forward to brunch day. I'm in full-on panic mode because I haven't baked anything in years, let alone gluten-free. I ended up buying some muffins from a bakery and slapping them on a plate. I figured, "They'll never know, right?"

C:You didn't!

A:Oh, I did. But that was the least of my problems. They showed up with their kids, and it was like a parade of strollers and diaper bags. I thought I was prepared, but five minutes in, there's a toddler knocking over my coffee table and another one drawing on my walls with crayons.

N:You didn't baby-proof the place?

A:Nope. Rookie mistake. I had no idea it was going to be like a daycare in my living room. One kid was eating dog food, and another was running around with my handcuffs. Total chaos.

L:Oh no. What did you do?

A:What could I do? I tried to keep it together, but then Karen, bless her heart, takes one bite of the store-bought muffins and goes, "Oh, these are... interesting. Did you use coconut flour?" And I'm standing there, trying not to lose it, thinking, "Lady, these are from Ralph's, okay?"

T:I would've paid to see that.

A:Trust me, you wouldn't. It was a disaster. And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, one of the moms,her kid starts crying. She picks him up and looks at me with these tired eyes, and she goes, "You know, you're really going to need a village once the baby comes. Have you thought about joining a support group?"

J:Oh man. What did you say?

A:What could I say? I mumbled something about "considering my options" while trying to pry my phone out of another kid's hands. I was so overwhelmed. They were all so... nice. But it was like being in an episode of "Real Housewives," only with baby bottles and diaper bags.

L:Angela Lopez, overwhelmed by soccer moms. I never thought I'd see the day.

N:That sounds like my worst nightmare.

A:It was! And the worst part? They loved my house. Karen kept going on about how perfect it would be for playdates, and now I'm apparently "in the rotation" for future events.

T:So, what's the next event? More gluten-free brunches?

A:Don't remind me. I'm still recovering from the first one. But the real kicker? They started a group chat. My phone hasn't stopped buzzing with messages about baby yoga, meal prepping, and baby carrier recommendations. I'm drowning in mom group texts!

J:There's no escape, is there?

A:Nope. I'm trapped. I've gone from busting bad guys to debating the pros and cons of cloth diapers with a woman named Karen.

C:You need to get out of that group. Fast.

A:I'm working on it. But you know what? There's one silver lining to all this.

N:Oh yeah? What's that?

A:They're planning my baby shower. And honestly? After all this chaos, I'm letting them handle it. I'm just going to show up, smile, and let them do all the work.

L:Smart move. Let the Pinterest moms do their thing.

T:Wait, are you going to have a Pinterest-perfect baby shower?

A:You bet. I'll be sitting there, sipping herbal tea and opening gifts while Karen coordinates the decorations. It's the least they can do after dragging me into this madness.

J:Well, at least you'll have an impressive baby shower. Sounds like a win to me.

A:Yeah, if I survive until then. Next time I even think about going to a yoga class, someone remind me of this, okay?

T:Don't worry, I'll be sure to remind you every chance I get.

A:You better. Because I am not joining another mom squad. Ever again.