“How are you?” Valea asked when we all gathered in living room.
Hindi ako sumagot at nanatiling tahimik lamang. It was unexpected.
It was unexpected to see them here because I thought I would never see them again— Valea and Pearl.
“Eis, sorry...” Claiden said.
I looked at him and smiled. “It's okay.”
Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko. The truth is it was a mixed emotions. I wanted to cry but I am happy to see them again. However, I have a lot of things that I wanna tell but my mouth remained silent.
“So... Why did you left us?” seryosong tanong ni Valea.
“Gano'n na lang ba kami kadaling iwanan, Eis?” medyo naiiyak na tanong ni Pearl.
I snorted. “No, it's not like that...”
Valea wants to speak again but Claiden stopped her. “Let her explain first, Val.”
I tooked a deep breath and closed my eyes. It was painful to remember those things but I will endure the pain just for them.
“It... It was painful... Too painful. I can't even say it to you both kasi a-ayokong... ayokong dumagdag pa sa mga bigat at pasanin na dinadala ninyo.” I explained with a husky voice. “Hindi ko naman ginusto, Lea, Pearl. Pero it was the one thing that I can do para takasan lahat.” At that point, I still left a smile. A smile in pain.
“Hindi ako nagsalita o nagparamdam sa social media kasi gusto kong pagalingin ang sarili ko nang walang hinihinging tulong ng iba... Kasi ayokong makasira ng kasiyahan na meron kayo at maging pabigat.” I smiled bitterly. “Hindi niyo rin naman deserve ’yung ginawa ko pero sana patawarin niyo ako. It was too painful, Lea and Pearl.”
They both hugged me. “We understand, Eis..” Valea tapped my shoulder.
“Ian was a person who became my comfort zone whenever nakakatanggap ako ng mga masasakit na pangyayari sa bahay... I've loved him so much pero I didn't expect na magagawa niya ang mga bagay na ’yon. It took me a lot of times to forget him but I still can't. Hindi ko pa rin pala kaya...” I confronted.
“Did you talked to him again?” Pearl asked.
I shook my head. “No. And I don't want again. Okay na siguro ako na walang balita sa kaniya.”
“But...”
Pearl want to say something but Valea tapped her. “If that is what you want, Eis. We will support you. Pero payag ka bang bumalik kasama namin?” tanong ni Valea.
Hindi ako tumugon dahil alam kong narinig iyon ni Jaz. Napamahal na sa akin si Tita at lalo na si Jaz kaya hindi ko puwedeng basta basta na lang sila iwan lalo pa at malaki ang utang na loob ko sa kanila.
“Tama na ’yan, kumain na tayo. Kanina pa ’yung pagkain, inuuna niyo drama,” pagbasag ni Claiden.
Sinamaan namin siya ng tingin na ikinaatras niya kasabay ang mga kamay na nakataas— tanda na susuko siya.
Pumunta ako kay Jaz at binigyan ito ng pagkain. Hindi siya masaya kaya nagtanong ako. “What's wrong baby?”
Tinignan niya ako ngunit maya maya pa'y namuo ang luha sa mga mata nito. “Aalis ka Ate Shi? Iiwan mo kami ni Mommy?” malungkot na sabi nito.
Kinuha ko siya at kinandong sa akin. Tiningnan ko sina Valea at Pearl na hindi makatingin sa akin ng maayos. “No baby, hindi aalis si Ate Shi,” sagot ko.
