hired // shawnmendes

twenty-nine.

its 3 am and i can't sleep. what the hell is wrong with me? i kissed shawn. why did i do that? im the one who told him we should just be friends. and then i go and kiss him.

its not like he's not at fault, right? he kissed me back and he didn't try at all to stop the kiss.

to be honest, the only reason we stopped kissing is because johnson walked to the area we were in. i don't think either of us have talked to him either, its all too weird.

thank god the jacks set up another room for me when we "broke up". or else i would be physically dying from awkwardness.

i might as well not just lay here, ceilings aren't that interesting to look at, you know?

i sat up and walked to the balcony, downstairs.

i sat there for another 30 minutes and realized i was expecting, or hoping, for shawn to show up and we'd have some crazy, heart to heart moment. but that shits straight from movies and let's be real, this is life. so, i might as well do things myself.

i pulled myself up and walked to shawns room. i didn't even knock, in fear of waking up that jacks. so, i just walked in.

he was still awake, too. he wasn't doing anything, though. just the same thing i was doing not too long ago.

"i kinda suck, huh?" i asked, completely serious, as i sat on the floor, with my back against the bed frame.

"yeah." shawn sighed back, not shifting from his position.

"i'm sorry." i whispered.

"i know. that doesn't make it easier." he replied.

"so do we go back to hating each other now, or what?" i asked, and he sat up to look at me.

"no. because i don't hate you. god, i wish i did."

"why don't you hate me? i messed up both of our emotions."

"i don't know, i just don't." he sighed, and layed back down. "why did you kiss me anyway? i have a right to know that." he added.

"yeah, you do, and if i had a real reason i would tell you. i just wanted to kiss you, it felt right, i guess. and i was like yolo and kissed you." i responded, honestly.

"you're telling me the reason im sitting here, racking my brain, at 4 am is because you thought yolo?" he asked.

"yes? no, i told you, it felt right." i couldn't think of anything better to say. it did feel right.

"so, you don't regret it?" he questioned.

"no, not unless you do, then yes i do." i said.

"i don't, it just made me more confused. this situation is so shitty and its hard." he was right, our situation is shitty, and i know the fact that i had kissed him after i practically rejected him, wasn't helping.

"im sorry, i really am, shawn." i apoligzed, again.

"i already said i know. i just, why can't we date? look, i know you said you wanted us to be friends, but you kinda contradicted that statement when you kissed me. and like you said it felt right! that kiss felt good, good as in, 'hey, i wanna kiss this girl whenever i want, because i can.' kind of way. leena, we both know i messed up last time, but this time you're kinda the one who messed up. so, why can't we call it even and just try again? i mean, come on, we've already messed up a lot, whats the difference if this time doesn't work either?" he let out and i didn't interrupt him once.

i got up and sat in front of him on the bed. i looked at him and knew i couldn't tell him no. that speech was like every girls dream, and i was in no position to let someone like shawn go.
"okay, we'll try again. maybe if we're lucky we won't mess shit up." i responded.

"if we're lucky." he said back.

"hey, but this time we take things slow. which means we stay in different rooms and all that boring, begging couples stuff. and we still have to listen to what jules says, it'll be easier that way." i told him.

"deal, now go to bed. we leave in the morning." he said and kissed my cheek.

"alright, goodnight shawn." i responded and left the room, shutting his door quietly.

i let out a breath.

we're such a messed up teen couple, i thought as i, finally, fell asleep.

***
I DIDNT REALIZE I HADNT UPDATED IN SO LONG IM SO SO SORRY I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THUS HAPPY ENDING CHAPTER LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH
-jas :-)