If you only knew...

21.I need you

Xavier's POV

Three days have dragged by in this hospital room, a sterile cage filled with IVs, bandages, and a wound that sends waves of agony through me. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that I survived, yet the relentless pain clings to me like a shadow, refusing to fade even with the strongest sedatives.

The memory of waking up after surgery lingers vividly. There was that overwhelming relief, the sheer shock of being alive, suddenly overshadowed by the searing pain that crept in as the anesthesia wore off. The doctor reassured me that I was lucky—no vital organs were hit, and I wouldn't need any additional surgeries. Still, the damage is extensive, with bullet fragments lodged inside me, promising an unwelcome future filled with discomfort.

Each day feels like an uphill battle. Simple, mundane tasks seem monumental now; even standing up sends shockwaves of pain coursing through my abdomen as if it's ready to fall apart.

My boss visited two days ago, and for the first time, I glimpsed genuine worry in his usually stoic demeanor. He mentioned that he invited Ana too, but honestly, I had no expectations of her showing up.
It's best not to dwell on that.

Staring at my phone, desperate to find a distraction from this unbearable pain, a nurse enters the room.

"You should try to eat something," she says with a light chuckle, trying to lift my spirits. "You can't live on IVs forever."

"I'll think about it." The sight of the hospital food turns my stomach; I crave something real, something that doesn't resemble slop. If only I could make the trek to a store, even if it took an eternity, but the doctor has grounded me for now.

As the nurse wraps up my bandage change, I text my best friend, hoping he can bring me some edible food.

Nate has been by my side through thick and thin; we have known each other since we were little kids and he is aware of the darkness I've faced during my childhood.
He was the one providing me shelter in that night when I ran away from home. He works here also, we studied and trained together to become agents. Sometimes I can't help but feel he's the only one who truly understands what I'm going through, the only one I can rely on.

«Can you bring me some real food? This hospital stuff is unbearable.»

Minutes later, a reply buzzes on my phone:

«I'm on a mission right now—a long one. That's why I haven't been able to reach you. I'm really sorry.»

Just as I'm about to reply, another message flashes across my screen:

«Call Ana, or what was her name? Your partner.»

Suddenly, my appetite vanishes. A wave of disappointment washes over me at her absence, but I quickly shove that feeling aside. It's selfish to wish for her presence when she has her own life to live. She doesn't owe me anything, after all. I remind myself that she should be surrounded by her family and fiancé right now, where she truly belongs.

The thought of her being safe brings me some comfort. I can recall the terrifying scene when she was targeted by that shooter, it would have been a tragedy to have her being killed in front of me. I can't imagine how I would have coped with my own consciousness if that had happened.

«Forget it. Just stay safe out there» I type back to Nate, my fingers flying over the screen. Once I hit send, I toss my phone onto the bed, letting out a sigh as I stare at the ceiling, lost in thought.

Two memories swirl in my mind: one where Ana's confessions felt achingly real, and the other where her lips brushed against mine in that kiss.

What's wrong with this girl? Was that kiss a gentle act of compassion, a response to my hurtful situation? Or was it more an acknowledgment of my mortality, a fleeting kiss because she believed I might not have much time left to live?

A darkly amused smile creeps onto my face at that thought, but I quickly shove it aside, unwilling to entertain such bleak notions.

                         ...........................................

Ana's POV

Time seems to drag on painfully since I last saw Xavier. I crave even the smallest exchange—a quip or a playful tease between us. I can't shake the worry gnawing at me: is he upset with me for not being there, for not supporting him? Deep down, as I know him, I think he wouldn't judge me for it, but the uncertainty lingers.

The hospital is just a stone's throw away from our mansion, yet I can't go there at all. Marco hasn't left my side since that explosive argument. He clings to me as if my every move might lead to some reckless decision. He knows that the moment he steps outside, I'll be rushing to Xavier's bedside.

"My love, are you alright?" Marco's voice pulls me from my thoughts during lunch, his eyes narrowing as they catch me in a moment of distraction.

"Yes, I'm fine," I reply, though it feels like I'm lying through my teeth. The weight of the choice he forced me to make hangs heavy in my mind, along with his veiled threat about our engagement. It's a haunting reminder that won't fade away anytime soon.

"Are you thinking about him again?" he suddenly asks, a flicker of anger creeping across his face.

"Who?" I feign confusion, hoping to sidestep another potential fight.

"You know exactly who I mean. Don't play games with me," he retorts, frustration lining his voice.

"Marco, can you please dial back the jealousy? It's getting out of hand," I plead, desperation edging into my tone. "This obsession is suffocating me!"

"My princess, you are my everything, and the thought of losing you terrifies me," he says, his voice softening, but the fear etched on his face is unmistakable. "The idea of you being close to him drives me insane."

"You have to accept my job, Marco. You can't keep me locked away in this room forever," I counter, trying to make him see the reality of our situation, even though I know he's already aware of it.

After a brief pause, he finally musters some half-hearted apologies. Yet, deep down, I can't shake the feeling that this moment of remorse won't lead to any real change in his attitude.

                   
                        ...............................................

Days drift on, and it's been nearly two weeks filled with an aching longing for someone special. I find myself counting down the hours, eagerly anticipating the moment I can see him again.

Marco is still by my side, flitting between the office and home, but I haven't dared to seek out Xavier during his absences. Gossip travels fast in our agency, and the last thing I need is for rumors to swirl around.

This morning, as I wake to find Marco still asleep beside me, my phone erupts with a buzzing notification. It's a message from my boss.

«Your partner will be discharged today.»

Happiness hardly begins to capture what floods through me at those words. It's pure euphoria. I leap out of bed, heart racing, rushing to splash water on my face as anticipation surges within me. Today is the day—I can finally see him again!